God, I loved him so much. He had such a big heart. Caressing his chest where said heart beat a little fast within, I asked, for perhaps the hundredth time, “What does ma le-ow-nin mean?”
He was quiet for a moment as he stroked my upper arm with his fingertips. “Does the meaning matter?”
His question stopped me in my mental tracks.
When he used the endearment I was pretty sure was Gaelic, his voice grew softer, his tone tender.
I smiled at the realization. “No.” I snuggled deeper into him. “It doesn’t matter.”
THANE
Two hours later, Thane woke up from a light sleep for the fourth time. His heart raced too hard. Regan had rolled out of his arms in her sleep and sprawled on her back, her chest rising and falling gently. Even so, he couldn’t hold back the urge to press his fingers lightly to the pulse at her throat.
Relieved to feel the steady, gentle throb, he slipped out of bed while she slept and checked on Lewis. His boy was asleep, his soft snores music to Thane’s ears. Then he checked on Eilidh. Usually she sprawled much like Regan was right now in his bed. But tonight, as if her subconscious still had her gripped in today’s terror, his little Eilidh-Bug was curled into a protective ball.
Throat thick with too many emotions to name, Thane sat down on the bed and sang softly in her ear. When she was a baby, it was the only thing that would make her sleep. After a while, her little body relaxed and she rolled onto her side, her tiny fingers touching his knee.
He covered her hand and brought it to his lips, pressing a kiss to the back of it.
Fear unlike anything he’d experienced overwhelmed him.
What if she wasn’t his?
She’s mine, he raged inwardly. No piece of paper could tell him differently. Blood or no, Eilidh Francine Adair was his daughter, and he’d fight to the death for her if it came to it.
A creak near the door drew his head up. Regan stood in the dim light. “Is she okay?” He barely heard her question, it was so quietly asked.
Kissing Eilidh’s hand one last time, he laid it gently down on the bed near her chubby little cheek and stood slowly so as not to wake her.
He pulled her door until it was almost shut and then slid a hand around Regan’s waist. As he led her quietly back to bed, he ignored the feeling of rightness that settled over him.
She wasn’t his wife or Eilidh and Lewis’s stepmum.
She wasn’t permanent, he reminded himself.
And so before he let her drift back to sleep, he rolled her onto her back and kissed her until they were both breathless.
Another memory to keep him warm when she was gone.
24
Regan
Thane didn’t want me to return to the annex. To appease his worries, I moved some of my things into the guest suite. This also reassured Robyn, but I was concerned how it looked to Eilidh and Lewis. They loved the idea of me being so close, but with Thane still keeping his distance whenever we weren’t alone, I wasn’t sure if I should dig myself any deeper into the children’s lives.
Who was I kidding?
I was as deep as you got without actually being married to their dad.
The mere thought made my pulse flutter, so I threw it out of my head immediately.
I focused on the historical romance on my e-reader. For the past week, I’d gone to bed in the guest room, only for Thane to sneak in when he was sure the kids were asleep. I’d still had my period, so we did nothing but cuddle, and when I woke in the morning, he was always gone. While I waited for him every night, I read.
Whenever I was having a strenuous day or week (or month!), I liked to reread my favorite books. There was something comforting not only about a happy ending but also in going through the emotional angst of a couple’s roller-coaster relationship, enjoying their pain and passion, because you already knew how it ended. Romance novels were my version of comfort food, except better because they had hot, fantastical sex.
Well, what I thought was fantastical until Thane came along. I smiled smugly. As I got to a sexy scene in the novel, hot tingles awakened between my legs.
“What are you reading?”
“Oh!” I startled.
Thane stood over the bed, his arms crossed, grinning at me. I hadn’t even heard him come in. “Whatever it is, you’re engrossed.”
I grinned back, happy to see his smile. He’d laughed with the children throughout the week so things would be normal for them, but he’d been gloomy with worry when we were alone.
“A book.” I turned back the duvet on the other side of the bed and patted the mattress.
Removing his T-shirt, Thane rounded the bed, never taking his eyes off mine. Despite the approach of December and this month’s bitter introduction to a Highland winter, Thane’s home always sat at a comfortable temperature. And he always ran a little hot.
In more ways than one.
I missed him.
And my period was over.
But I wasn’t sure anything physical was on the table for us while I was under his roof.
“Is it a historical romance?” He slid into bed beside me and wrapped an arm around my shoulder to draw me to his side. All the while he peered curiously down at my e-reader.
I grinned at him. “You remembered I like those.”
He nodded, his eyes smiling into mine. “Let’s have a look, then.”
Feeling mischievous about what he was about to read, I bit my lip and held the e-reader up to him. The tingles between my legs grew insistent as I watched his eyebrows raise as he read. Thane’s hand slid from my upper arm to around my waist, and as his eyes moved over the screen, said hand pressed into my stomach.
Heat licked down my inner thighs, and I swallowed hard, my mouth suddenly dry. “What do you think?”
Thane spoke while he still read, his voice gruff. “It’s … fuck … it’s …”
“Arousing?” I supplied.
He looked at me, his lips quirking. “Very. Is this how you get your kicks?”
I narrowed my eyes at his teasing. “They’re not just about sex.”
“Oh, really?”
“No.” I gestured with the e-reader. “They’re funny and romantic and the heroines are relatable and sometimes they even make me feel like I’m not alone. Romance novels can be witty and emotional and make me cry but in this great, cathartic kind of way.”
He studied me intensely, his gaze probing, sharpening at my words.
Realizing I was veering the conversation away from where I wanted it, I grinned. “And the sex … People call it smut or mommy porn, but there are different kinds of romance. That stuff is great, but I like the ones where the romance, the connection between the couple, is what makes the sex so hot. And it’s sex through a woman’s eyes. It’s the kind of sex we fantasize about.”
At that, Thane’s brow furrowed and he looked back at the e-reader screen. Even through his beard, I could see a muscle tick in his jaw. I smoothed a hand over his face, guessing where his thoughts were. Leaning up, I pressed my breasts against him and whispered near his ear, “You make my sexual fantasies come true.”
He twisted to look into my eyes; his darkened with desire.