‘He’s fine,’ Jess said. ‘He was outside chatting to Izzy last time I saw him.’
Phew! He hadn’t been alone. ‘Is Megan still around?’
‘Her grandma picked her up about ten minutes ago. She was shattered, poor thing.’
‘How are you feeling?’
‘Also shattered, but I’m having an amazing time.’ She stroked her stomach. ‘Try as they might, I’m not letting these two put me to bed early.’
‘Don’t overdo it.’
‘Yes, mum!’
Inwardly, I flinched at the mention of the word ‘mum’. How could our mother feel so much venom towards this beautiful woman in front of me with twins growing inside of her? It beggared belief.
A group of Jess’s friends arrived for the evening do so I said goodbye and headed off in search of Daniel. I was relieved to see Dad in the bar with Auntie Grace and a handful of other relatives. Although he was laughing and joking with them, I could tell that he wasn’t really in the room. Mother had well and truly broken him.
Daniel wasn’t in the bar. He wasn’t on the terrace or the dance floor. I made my way back up to the bedroom, but he wasn’t there either. I looked towards the bed. What I wouldn’t give to crawl under the duvet and pretend this evening had never happened. But I couldn’t abandon Daniel for the whole night and I certainly couldn’t bail early on my sister’s wedding.
It was another hour before our paths crossed. His face fell when he saw me and I prepared myself for a lecture – rightly so – for abandoning him for so long. I didn’t expect him to say: ‘So are you and Gary back together, then?’
‘What? Of course not!’
‘I saw you together in the car park.’
I took his arm and steered him out onto the deserted terrace, away from earwigging relatives.
‘What did you see?’
‘Him speeding into the car park in his posh car and you all over him. Were you having such a crap time with me that you had to call your ex to rescue you?’
‘It wasn’t like that.’ To be fair to Daniel, I could see exactly why it would look like that, but I couldn’t even begin to explain what I’d witnessed and the complicated history with my mother.
‘We said no lies,’ he challenged. ‘If it’s not over with Gary, you need to tell me. I can’t be number two again.’
I reached for his hand. ‘There’s nothing going on with Gary. He’s gay. He’s with someone else.’
‘But you’d have him back if he wasn’t gay, wouldn’t you?’
‘He is gay so that’s not even an option.’
Daniel let go of my hand and took a step back from me. Damn! I should have just said ‘no’.
‘But you’d have him back if he wasn’t. Go on. Admit it.’
‘I’ll admit no such thing. You’re being ridiculous.’
‘Ridiculous? I’m not the one who invited my new partner to their sister’s wedding, abandoned them for two or three hours, and spend part of that time in the arms of my ex.’
‘It wasn’t like that.’
‘How was it then?’
‘It’s complicated.’
‘That’s crap and you know it.’ He crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes at me. ‘You need to choose. It’s Gary or me.’
‘Don’t be stu–’
‘Stupid and ridiculous? I wonder why you bother with me.’
‘We’re getting divorced, Daniel. It’s over. Completely and utterly over.’
He fixed his dark eyes on me. ‘Are you sure about that?’ Without waiting for an answer, he stormed off.
I slumped into the nearest chair and sighed loudly. I couldn’t blame Daniel for his reaction because it was justified in the circumstances. It would probably be a good idea to chase after him, but I didn’t have the energy.
Shortly after eleven, the party was still in full swing but I couldn’t take any more dancing or socialising with a fake grin plastered across my face. I hadn’t seen Daniel again so I headed back to the room, assuming he’d gone home. I was therefore surprised to see his bag still there.
I got ready for bed and crawled under the duvet, willing sleep to come quickly to dull the pain of Mother’s revelations, Dad’s devastation and the bust-up with Daniel. But, of course, sleep didn’t come.
I stiffened when I heard a key in the lock a couple of hours later. I pretended to be asleep as Daniel clattered around the room, dropping things, banging into the furniture and swearing.
After he’d visited the bathroom – also very noisily – he slipped into the bed beside me and lay on his back in silence for a while as I continued to feign sleep on my side, facing away from him. Then he rolled onto his side and clumsily draped a heavy arm over me and nuzzled close into my back. I could feel his erection prodding against me through my nightie and, despite the weariness in my body, I felt a zip of electricity. Why did he have such an overpowering effect on me?
He wriggled closer and ground himself against my backside as his hand moved across my arm and gently massaged my breast. ‘Are you awake?’ he whispered.
I remained silent, but my damned body gave me away. As he continued to massage my nipple, I arched in response and a soft moan escaped.
‘I’m sorry,’ he whispered. ‘I know you’re not going to get back with Gary. I was jealous. I was scared of losing you.’
His hand drifted across my stomach and down my thigh until he found the bottom of my nightie, then his hand travelled back up my thigh under the material. I wanted to be angry with him. I wanted to shout at him for throwing a strop because he didn’t understand the hell I’d been through that evening and how I’d needed Gary or I’d have fallen apart. But even stronger than that, I wanted him. I widened my legs and gasped as his fingers entered me, then I turned my head so I could kiss him.
‘I love you, Elise,’ he muttered as his fingers caressed me.
‘I know.’ I still couldn’t bring myself to say it in return. ‘I’m sorry too. I’ve heard that make-up sex is meant to be the best.’
‘You’d better believe it.’
And, as always, it was incredible with Daniel. He pushed every button and then some. But, as I lay awake in the darkness, listening to his gentle breathing beside me, I couldn’t shake the feeling that something between us didn’t feel quite right. We’d had our first fight, which concerned me so soon into our relationship but the reason for the fight concerned me more. Why hadn’t I been honest with him about my childhood and my toxic relationship with my mother? Yes, it would have been an uncomfortable conversation but, if I loved Daniel or even if I thought I could grow to love him, I should have let him in.
22
The next week and a half passed, during which I saw Daniel every other night. I felt as though something had changed between us, although he clearly hadn’t noticed. He was as attentive as ever, telling me he loved me, complimenting me, and being the most incredible lover. We tried new positions, new places, and even introduced a bit of role-playing. It was new and exciting, but I missed the conversation, deep connection and understanding I’d had with Gary. I knew that how I was feeling was my fault for not opening up to Daniel. I kept my past hidden, and I didn’t share any hopes for the future, which I’d surely have done if he was Mr Right. Our relationship was definitely all about the here and now and, let’s face it, lots of sex. Was that enough?