Michael laughed and I reeled. I didn’t think he knew how to laugh. Who was this charming person? A smile and twinkling eyes completely transformed him.
‘I’ll probably be back late so you enjoy having the cottage to yourself,’ Kay said. ‘See you later.’
They set off in the direction of a grey 4x4 at the end of the street, then Michael paused and turned round. The smile had gone. He held my gaze for a moment, shrugged, then turned his back again.
I watched him load Kay’s bags into the boot, open the front door so she could take a seat, then climb into the back. As the car pulled away, he turned round once more and looked at me through the back window. He looked sad.
The sound of my mobile ringing in the lounge brought me out of my trance. I closed the front door and dashed to answer it before it clicked into the answer service. ‘Jess, hi, how are you?’
‘Fat,’ she said. ‘I swear I’ve doubled in size since the wedding.’
‘You’re not fat. You’re five-and-a-half months’ pregnant with twins. You weren’t expecting to stay a size eight, were you?’
‘No, but I wasn’t expecting to be a size eighteen either.’
‘Ooh, someone’s exaggerating.’
‘What are you doing this afternoon?’ she asked.
‘Nothing much. Kay’s just gone out for a photography lesson and I might go for a walk.’
‘Scrap the walk. You can spend the afternoon buggy shopping with me.’
‘Why aren’t you at work? You’ve only just got back from your honeymoon.’
‘I know, but I had some lieu time due from before the wedding. My boss said I could take it this afternoon. We’re moving offices and I think he’s terrified that a pregnant woman hauling boxes of files around is a lawsuit waiting to happen. It’s the perfect opportunity to go buggy shopping and I want your opinion.’
‘I know nothing about choosing a buggy.’
‘You know more about children than I do,’ she said.
‘That would be children aged eleven to sixteen. They’re not generally known for being pushed around in buggies.’
‘Pretty please,’ she whined.
‘Having twins means the choices are limited,’ Jess said as we stood in front of the area containing all the double buggies. ‘Which do you like best?’
I shrugged. ‘I haven’t a clue. I don’t know why you’d think I can help.’
‘Because you’re the practical one.’
I shrugged again. ‘Which one do you like best?’
‘Probably that one.’
Glancing at the £1000 price tag, I whistled. ‘I think we can rule that one out. Second favourite?’
‘That one.’ She pointed to a wide buggy.
I shook my head. ‘It’s enormous. I doubt you’d fit that in your hall, even collapsed down.’
‘See! I knew you’d be able to help.’
‘What colour?’ I asked after we’d found a winner. ‘Neutral?’
She grinned at me. ‘It will have to be seeing as we’re expecting a boy and a girl.’
I gasped and grabbed her arm. ‘You’ve found out? I thought you weren’t going to.’
‘We weren’t and I wouldn’t have done if there was only one baby, but it seemed so much more practical to know when there’s two.’
‘That’s brilliant news. How do you feel?’
‘Couldn’t be happier. I thought I might like two girls, but as soon as I found out it was one of each, I realised I had my perfect ready-made family. I’m so lucky.’
I hugged my sister and said all the right things about being a delighted auntie with my first nephew and niece to spoil, but her words cut right through me. She wouldn’t have meant anything by it, but ‘perfect ready-made family’? I should have had one of those by now instead of a gay husband and an impending divorce.
It didn’t end with the buggy. My head thumped as I placed the third armful of bags in the boot of Jess’s car. My face ached from the forced smile, and my throat burned from the restrictive lump in it. It had been harder than bridesmaid dress shopping. Much harder. With every purchase, the reality hit home more and more that my dreams of motherhood were just that – dreams. Daniel was fun, but it was lust, not love. He wasn’t my future, which begged the question as to whether I should end it and find someone with whom I could see myself settling down and having a family? Every day I stayed with him was a day that I wasn’t working towards my dreams of being a mum.
Jess slammed the boot of her car shut. ‘Are you sure you don’t want a lift home? It’s no bother.’
I shook my head. ‘Look at that blue sky. I fancy a walk along the beach.’
‘As long as you’re sure.’ Jess hugged me. ‘Thanks for today. I’m really glad you were there to help me.’
‘Me too. It was fun.’ I smiled and hoped it looked sincere.
I waved her off then strolled the ten-minute journey down the hill towards South Bay, dodging tourists draped in soggy sandy towels, their arms loaded with buckets, spades, and picnic hampers. It was a muggy day and I paused to buy a drink before continuing along the seafront and over the swing bridge to Lighthouse Cove.
The beach at Lighthouse Cove wasn’t very busy due to families heading back to their hotels and caravans for dinner so I managed to find a quiet spot among the sand dunes just beyond the caves. I sat down and wiggled my bare feet until they were buried under a small pile of sand, and gazed at the twinkling azure ocean.
Closing my eyes, I willed my busy mind to empty, but all I could see was Michael’s face staring out of the back of the 4x4 and hear his warning. Stop thinking about it. He’s trouble. But what if he wasn’t? What if Michael was right and it was Daniel who was trouble? I opened my eyes and glanced across to where I’d had my first ever experience of sex outdoors. My body tingled at the thought of it. If Daniel was trouble, he was pretty good trouble.
My phone beeped and I smiled. Were his ears burning?
✉︎ From Daniel
My last customer cancelled so I’m back early. Had the day from hell. Missing you so called round at yours, but there’s nobody in. I know we weren’t meant to be seeing each other tonight, but I could use the company. Are you free later for a drink, a cuddle, or both? xxx
✉︎ To Daniel
Was just thinking about you. Sorry you’ve had a rough one. Me too. I’m on the beach now if you want to come and find me. I’m near the caves, but I think it’s a bit too light to re-live what happened last time we came here ;-) xx
✉︎ From Daniel
LOL. Got a couple of errands to run then I’ll come and find you. Thanks. You’re my saviour xx
I put my phone back in my bag. Had it been the right thing to do? Should I have said I was busy and taken advantage of some me-time instead? We’d seen so much of each other lately that I never seemed to have a moment to sit down and take stock of what I wanted from life after Gary. He’d sounded so down, though. I couldn’t be so selfish when he clearly needed me.
The sound of a crying baby pushed Daniel from my thoughts and Jess into them. I closed my eyes again and held my head in my hands. My mind swirled with the news about the genders of the twins, our shopping trip, my own longings for a child and how Daniel didn’t seem to be the one for that next step.