I leaned against the door and slowly slid to the floor, my legs feeling like they were made of liquid.
‘I am interested.’ Tears filled my eyes again. ‘But I can’t get involved with either of you. I can’t allow myself to think about it and the reason I can’t allow myself to think about it is the reason I can’t get involved, and I know that sounds like absolute gibberish, but it’s the best I’ve got right now so you can bloody well take it or leave it, but it’s all you’re going to get.’ The last few words were barely audible as, for the first time since discovering I was pregnant, the pain, confusion and frustration bubbled over into hysterical sobs.
‘Hey!’ Stevie dashed to my side and gathered me in his arms. He stroked my back and my hair and rocked me gently while I clung onto him and cried for my husband’s betrayal, Daniel’s betrayal, my fatherless baby, and the tangled web of deceit I’d weaved.
‘It’s all right.’ He stroked my hair away from my face. ‘I’m here for you.’
His face was so close to mine that I could see a spattering of freckles across his nose and cheeks. The tenderness in his eyes was beguiling and, next minute, his lips were on mine. Had I kissed him first or had he kissed me? Who knew, but I wanted him so badly and I could tell from the urgency in his kiss that he felt the same.
One of his hands reached into my hair and the other round my back, pulling me even closer until it felt like our bodies were moving as one just like it had felt with Daniel that night on the beach. No! Daniel! The baby!
I pulled away suddenly. ‘I can’t do this, Stevie. I’m so sorry. You’d better leave.’ I scrambled to my feet, heart racing, breathing laboured.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said, standing up too. He looked at me with such an expression of sadness that I felt the tears welling in my eyes.
He shook his head. ‘I shouldn’t have done that, especially after what you’d just said. I really am sorry.’
‘Please don’t blame yourself. It isn’t anything you’ve done wrong. Believe me, it’s all me.’ And Daniel. I pulled open the door.
Stevie took my hand in his and gently squeezed it, then tenderly pushed a tendril of hair away from my cheek. ‘You know where I am if you need me,’ he said softly, giving me an apologetic smile that didn’t even show his dimples.
I nodded, fighting hard against the urge to pull him to me and kiss him again. ‘I’m sorry,’ I whispered.
Shoulders slumped, he stepped outside. ‘See you around.’
I shut the door quickly and slumped against it, tears trickling down my cheeks. Damn, damn, damn!
30
✉︎ From Sarah
Hi Elise. Are you OK? I’ve left messages with Auntie Kay and on your voicemail, but you haven’t returned my calls. I’ve been round a few times and found nobody in. I’m worried about you. Are you still poorly? Stevie says he’s seen you, but he’s being cagey about it. Has something happened between you two? Sorry to pry and sorry to quiz you by text, but I can’t get hold of you any other way. Please get in touch to let me know you’re OK xxxxxx
✉︎ To Sarah
I’m fine. I promise. Sorry I haven’t returned your calls. Really busy week at school. I’ll come round on Wednesday if my slot’s still free! Xx
✉︎ From Sarah
Phew. My door’s open for you any time. See you on Wednesday xx
Early evening on Wednesday, I walked up and down Castle Street four times before I felt brave enough to knock on the door to Seaside Blooms. It was time to tell Sarah about the baby. I’d cancelled on her and avoided her so much lately that she’d probably thought I was still upset about her getting married while I got divorced. It wasn’t fair on her and it wasn’t the type of person I was. Must tell Sarah about the baby. No more lies. Must tell Sarah about the baby.
‘Elise! Thank God you’re here. You won’t believe what’s happened.’ She pulled me into the shop and locked the door.
I followed her into The Outback and sat on the battered leather chair while she heaved herself onto the desk. The last time we’d sat at the desk together had been about ten months before when she’d just taken over the shop. How things had changed during that time. She was getting married in twelve-and-a-half weeks and I was getting divorced and having a baby.
‘What’s happened, then?’ I asked, eager to buy time before I shared my news.
Sarah rolled her eyes. ‘What hasn’t happened? Serious wedding trauma.’ She told me a long convoluted tale about a double-booked wedding car, out-of-stock favours, the suit-hire shop losing the order for the men’s morning suits, and the invite printers going bust after she’d paid a deposit. To be fair to her, it did sound like she was having a rough ride with pretty much everything going wrong that could go wrong. I knew how important it was to her to get her day perfect, but I couldn’t fully concentrate. The only thing on my mind was saying the words ‘I’m pregnant’ to her and, after what she’d been through, I was worried that it might tip her over the edge.
‘And to top it all,’ she continued, ‘Callie’s only gone and announced that she’s pregnant.’
I sat upright. ‘Callie’s what?’
‘She’s pregnant. I’ve had to order her dress in a bigger size and then there was a huge panic because the manufacturer told Ginny they’d already made them and they’d have to charge me for both sizes which was going to be a financial disaster after losing the deposit on the invites.’ She paused for breath and I bit my lip, realising I’d forgotten to ask Ginny about ordering me a bigger size. Looked like that was going to be a costly moment of forgetfulness.
‘Could Callie pay?’ I suggested.
Sarah shook her head. ‘I wouldn’t have asked her. Money’s tight for them as it is and, with a baby on the way, they’ll need every penny. Thankfully there’s no need. Turns out I was just in time.’
‘Crisis averted, then?’ I made a mental note to send Ginny a message on Facebook as soon as I got home.
‘Well, that part is,’ Sarah said, ‘but Callie’s got terrible sickness so she might have to drop out of being a bridesmaid altogether if it doesn’t improve.’
My eyes widened. ‘You’re sacking her for being pregnant?’
Sarah laughed. ‘Of course not! As if I’d do something so mean. It was Callie’s suggestion. She’s terrified of standing at the front of the church and projectile vomiting all over my wedding dress so she suggested she’d be better off at the back of the church where she can make a swift exit if needed.’
Was now the right moment to throw another pregnant bridesmaid into the mix? It didn’t feel like it. Although Sarah was making a joke of it, I knew how stressed and worried she’d be about getting everything perfect for her big day. Maybe if I stuck to the subject of pregnancy, a more appropriate moment would present itself.
‘I didn’t realise they wanted a family so soon,’ I said. Callie and Rhys were about to celebrate their first wedding anniversary and I could have sworn she’d told me they wanted to be married for three or four years before trying for a baby.