‘Stop right there. You came to the right place. You were there during my mother’s finest hour and I’m here for you during Cynthia’s.’
I made him a cup of tea and we talked about his encounter with Cynthia, how guilty he felt for not making more of an effort with Lloyd who he now realised would have had a far rougher time at the receiving end of his mother’s prejudices than he’d ever imagined, and how tough an existence his father must have had being married to such an opinionated, narrow-minded woman.
‘What about you and Rob?’ I asked. ‘How’s that going?’
Gary raised an eyebrow. ‘You really want to know?’
Did I? Actually, I did. I’d accepted our marriage was over some time ago, but I think I’d also come to terms with the reason. Was that because of my fling with Daniel or because I had more important things to focus on now? ‘Yes,’ I said. ‘I really want to know.’
‘It’s going really well, actually. We’re… No, it doesn’t matter.’
‘Go on. I promise not to have hysterics.’
‘No. You don’t want to hear this. I shouldn’t have said anything.’
‘You can’t leave it there, Gary. Let me guess. You’re moving in together. Am I right?’
‘We’ve been looking at a few flats on Sea Cliff.’
A couple of months back – perhaps even a few weeks back – that information would have floored me yet, strangely, it didn’t. I actually felt happy for him.
‘What are you smiling at?’ he asked.
‘You. Despite the trauma with your mother, you look so content. It’s nice.’
He smiled. ‘I am content. I thought you’d be upset.’
‘So did I. A lot has happened over the last few months and I think I’m finally in a place where I can accept it and move on.’
‘And have you moved on?’
‘By which you mean is there someone else?’
‘I suppose so. Is it that guy from Bean Cuisine?’
‘It was, but that’s all over. I think he was my Getting Over Gary prescription and, for a while, he was exactly what the doctor ordered. It’s just me on my own for the moment and I’m quite happy with that.’
We sat there smiling at each other for a while. ‘Are you okay, now?’ I said eventually.
‘I will be. I think my mum has shown her true colours and my priority right now is to get to know my brother and his family.’
‘I’m so glad you’ve said that. I always wanted you to reach out to Lloyd and Zoe.’
‘Did you? You never said.’
I shrugged. ‘I never said a lot of things, particularly where your family were concerned, and I regret that now. I’ve been seeing Jem again. He says I shouldn’t have regrets. I should have learnings. I’ve learned a lot from our marriage, and I’ve learned a lot since. I hope it’s all made me stronger. Why are you looking at me like that?’
Gary had tilted his head slightly to one side, with an amused smile on his lips. ‘You’re different.’
‘Oh. Good different or bad different?’
‘Good different. I can see glimpses of the girl I knew at school and college, but with added wisdom and maturity. I like it. You seem stronger.’
‘I feel stronger. Thank you.’
Gary stood up. ‘I’ve taken enough of your time. I’d better go.’
I stood up too. ‘I’m sure she’ll come running back to you when she realises she’s completely screwed up and she’s a very lonely woman with no family.’ I didn’t care that it sounded harsh; she deserved it.
‘I hope so,’ he said. ‘Thank you. You’ve been a great help. Does this mean we can be friends again?’
‘Come here, you.’ I hugged him. ‘We’ve always been friends and we always will be. I think that’s why our relationship worked for so long. It’s been good to have some time apart while I got over the hurt. I’d like to think that we can find our way back to the friendship that started this whole thing off and that I’ll be able to forgive Rob.’
‘I’d like that.’ He walked towards the front door then turned to face me. ‘Thanks. You’ve shown great dignity throughout all of this. You’re an amazing woman.’
‘I’m not sure I handled it with dignity at the start but thank you.’
‘Are you okay, by the way? You look tired.’
I smiled. ‘I’ve had a bit of sickness recently, but I’m improving.’
‘Have you seen a doctor?’
‘Yes. I’m sure you’ll understand that I’ve registered elsewhere, but I’m absolutely fine thank you, Dr Dawson.’
‘You’re sure? I want you to be happy too.’
‘I know.’ I took hold of his hand and smiled. ‘And I really think I’m going to be. It’s been a tough few months, but the future’s looking bright.’
I reached around him and opened the door. We hugged again before he headed home to Rob.
As I washed the mugs, I reflected on our parting words. It really was going to be okay. I didn’t feel quite so numb anymore. Talking to Gary about Rob hadn’t hurt. Talking about being friends had felt like a real possibility. It felt like I’d closed a door on my old life with Gary and opened up a new one on my life with baby bean. I was going to have a baby and I was going to love it whether or not Daniel wanted to be in its life. And I would never, ever, show such contempt and disrespect for my child as Gary’s mother had to her two boys, no matter what challenges or diversity it brought into our lives. We’d get through everything together because I would love this baby. In that moment, I also knew that, despite the concerns I’d shared with Jem, I would never, ever be like my mother.
I stroked my stomach. Gary’s proposition to have his baby hadn’t felt right, but somehow this scenario finally did.
31
The next week-and-a-half flew by – ten days of keeping my secret from everyone. I didn’t hear from Michael or Stevie, not that I expected to, although butterflies soared in my stomach every time I thought about Sarah’s birthday meal, knowing Stevie would be there.
I met Clare and Callie on the Saturday morning to finalise the plans for Sarah’s hen do and to book everything. It was all very civilised, which was a relief, because I couldn’t have faced a bust-up with Clare.
Sarah’s birthday wasn’t until the following Friday but she was providing the flowers for several events that weekend so had decided to have her birthday celebrations the week before.
‘Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you…’
Sarah took her seat at the head of the table in Le Bistro – a cosy restaurant a few streets back from the seafront – while twenty or so friends, colleagues, and family members sang to her.
‘Thank you so much for coming,’ she said. ‘It was my thirtieth birthday last year and I didn’t do anything because I didn’t feel like there was anything to celebrate. A year later, I have a new business, a fiancé, new family, and new friends.’ She looked round the group, nodding. ‘What a difference a year makes. Thank you all for being part of it.’