After splashing some cold water on my face, I headed back to Stevie. My stomach sank when I saw who’d joined him. I spotted the legs first: long, tanned and devoid of any cuts or blemishes. Killer heels. Low cut fitted navy dress. Immaculate blonde bob. Great. I glanced towards the exit. It was tempting to leave, but my bag was on the table next to her drink. I had no choice but to face an altercation with Ireland’s bitchiest export.
Stevie spotted me and stood up, reaching out a hand towards my arm. ‘Are you okay? You look really pale.’
I tried to avoid Clare’s gaze as I reached across the table for my bag. ‘That headache’s got worse and I feel really sick now so I am going to have to bail after all. Would you make sure Kay gets my present?’ I indicated the gift bag by the table.
‘Of course. Are you okay to drive?’
I nodded. ‘It’s not far. And thankfully I have a doctor at home to look after me.’
‘Feeling sick?’ Clare asked. ‘Aw, how sweet. Will the perfect couple be expecting their first perfect child?’
I looked into her mischievous green eyes and scowled. ‘I’m not pregnant, Clare. Not that it’s any of your business.’
‘Are you sure? You look like you may have gained a few pounds in that dress.’
‘It’s a maxi dress. It’s meant to be big. And yes, I’m absolutely sure.’ Because you had to actually have sex to get pregnant, and that’s something I hadn’t had for a very, very long time.
3
I slowly steered my beloved lime green Beetle, Bertie, across Whitsborough Bay towards home, hoping that a slow, steady drive would keep the nausea at bay. If I had to stop to throw up by the side of the road, I was bound to be spotted by one of my students who’d instantly share a snap of me mid-vomit on Instagram.
Think positive thoughts instead. I pictured Sarah’s radiant beam and, despite the nausea, couldn’t help but smile at her news. Hopefully Gary wouldn’t be too late home from his session with Rob so I could tell him about the proposal. He’d love it that, like us, they’d got engaged on South Bay beach. Despite the current blip, we’d had a great marriage so hopefully it was a good omen for them.
‘Tonight’s nineties’ party classic comes from March 1994. Take it away Robbie…’ announced the DJ on the local radio station, Bay Radio.
Take That’s ‘Everything Changes’ began to play. Immediately, I was back in our bedroom the night before, having that awful baby conversation with Gary. He’d said those exact words: ‘everything changes’. What had he meant? Had he been telling the truth when he’d said he didn’t want a baby at all, or had he been telling the truth when he’d adjusted that to not wanting a baby yet? Please let it be the latter.
By the time I pulled into our estate ten minutes later, I’d made my mind up to sit down with Gary and talk. Really talk. I wouldn’t get angry. I wouldn’t get frustrated. I wouldn’t plead. I’d listen to what he had to say and, if he wanted to wait a couple more years before starting a family, I’d respect and accept his decision. Babies were hard work so the timing had to be absolutely right for both parents.
He’d been right last night when he said I was being childish by moaning that my younger sister was pregnant before me. Had I really voiced that? No wonder he’d been angry with me. Well, we’d have no more anger, and we’d have no more distance. We needed to spend some quality time together, just the two of us. Lately, we always seemed to be out with friends or family. The last few times we’d been out alone, we’d bumped into Stevie and Rob and had ended up spending the evening in their company instead. They were great fun, but Gary and I really needed some alone time to bring the romance and passion back into our relationship.
If I needed to pare back my extra-curricular responsibilities at school to do that, then so be it. The EGO Programme meant a lot to me, but my husband, my marriage and my future family meant a heck of a lot more. A little time and attention and we’d be back on track.
However, if Gary had changed his mind and didn’t want a baby at all… Oh my goodness. I couldn’t bear to think about that possibility.
As I rounded the corner onto Abbey Drive, relief flowed through me to see the Lexus back on the drive. Having a doctor for a husband certainly had its advantages when illness called.
‘Gary? I’m home,’ I called, kicking off my ballet pumps and placing them, my bag and my jacket on the bottom stair.
Met with silence, I headed for the large kitchen/diner at the back of the house to get myself a glass of water and to see if Gary was in there. It was deserted. The distinctive smell of pepperoni pizza hung in the air making me gag. It wasn’t the nicest smell at the best of times, but for a vegetarian with a churning stomach…
Glancing at the clock above the sink, I frowned. It couldn’t have been a very long training session if he’d had time to heat up a pizza and eat it too. I opened a cupboard and took out a glass. Hang on a minute…
My heart thumped faster and my stomach knotted as I slowly turned round to look at the dining table again. Two plates. Two wine glasses. And he knew I wasn’t going to be back until late. No, Gary! Please! I’d have assumed that Rob had come back for pizza if it wasn’t for one more item on the table: candles.
Placing the glass down on the worktop, I drifted slowly down the hall and up the stairs, feeling as though I was in a dream… or perhaps a nightmare depending on what I found upstairs. Or, rather, whom I found.
I could hear the shower – the one in the main bathroom. The fact that he was using the large wet-room style shower rather than the single shower in our en-suite added to my feeling of foreboding. I held my breath as I tiptoed tentatively down the corridor towards the bathroom, pulse racing.
He wasn’t alone. Every fibre of my being told me so. A deep groan emitting from the bathroom confirmed it. How could he? In our home. In our shower.
I hesitated outside my office door, staring at the closed bathroom door at the end of the corridor. Did I really want to do this? Did I really want to catch him with her?
Another groan curled my toes and sent shivers down my spine. I took another two paces forward then stopped again. Should I wait until they were finished? Sit on our bed and confront them? Wait downstairs with a cup of tea and the TV on to drown out the sound?
But I had to know. Five paces… four… three… two… one… Was I really sure? There’d be no going back once I’d seen them together. I wouldn’t be able to un-see that vision. But a little hopeful voice inside me said, ‘What if he’s alone and you’re just imagining things? There may not be another woman in there, you know. He loves you.’ I hoped beyond hope that the little voice was right.
Swallowing hard, I reached out with a shaky hand to twist the knob and push the door open. Was the little voice right?
The little voice was right. There wasn’t another woman in there. My feet felt like they were encased in cement and my arms felt like lead weights hanging by my sides, threatening to pull me to the ground. ‘Run!’ screamed the voice in my head. But my body wouldn’t obey.
It was Rob who saw me first. ‘Shit! Elise!’ He let go of my husband.