I turned to look at Clare, but she wasn’t looking at me. She was staring at the screen, mesmerised, a single tear running down her right cheek. I looked back at the screen, but I didn’t feel tearful. I felt elated.
‘Thank you,’ I said to Clare as we left the ultrasound department. I was genuinely touched by her unexpected support. ‘You’ve been amazing, both today and at Sarah’s birthday. I really appreciate it.’
‘I’ll be sending you a bill,’ she said. ‘When will you be telling people? I won’t say anything, but it would be good to know.’
‘Not till after the wedding.’
‘Won’t you be showing by then?’
‘Maybe, but I’m hoping it won’t be too obvious. I wear maxi dresses a lot anyway so I should be able to hide it.’
Clare sighed. ‘Maybe, but the bridesmaid dresses aren’t maxi dresses.’
I grimaced. ‘I know, but they’re not tight-fitting and I ordered a bigger one to give me that bit more space.’
‘It’s your choice, but it’s a long time to keep something like this a secret.’
‘I know. I don’t want to steal Jess’s thunder with the twins and I don’t want to steal Sarah’s about the wedding so, if I can, I’d rather wait.’
‘I hear you, but will you not be placing a heap of unnecessary pressure on yourself by keeping this a secret? I know most people stay quiet until the first scan, just in case, but you know the baby’s well now. This is the time people usually make the big announcement.’
‘I know, but Sarah got so stressed about Callie’s pregnancy that I really don’t want her to worry about mine too. And I mean it about not stealing Jess’s and Sarah’s thunder. There’s no need for me to take the attention away from them when I can wait to announce my news after their big events. Does that make any sort of sense to you?’
Clare nodded. ‘You are way, way, way too nice to people. I still think you’d be better off just getting the news out there, but it’s your decision. I won’t say anything, but I’d urge you to reconsider. People could get upset.’
‘Thank you.’
We arrived in the lobby and discovered we were parked in different directions.
‘I’ll be going, then,’ Clare said, ‘but keep me updated and let me know if you need to talk. Apparently, it can be a pretty emotional thing, this pregnancy bollocks.’
I laughed. ‘If I want to talk about my pregnancy bollocks, I’ll be sure to look you up!’
I didn’t feel like returning to an empty Seashell Cottage. Instead, I wanted some time to think about my pregnancy and telling people about it. Maybe Clare was right and I should make an announcement. Daniel had a right to hear first, though, and it was the sort of news that warranted a face-to-face conversation. A difficult one. And I still didn’t feel ready to face it or to face him.
Driving to Lighthouse Cove, I parked so I could look out to the calm sea and clear blue sky. I fished the scan photo out of my handbag. ‘Hi bean. I’m so relieved you’re okay.’ I ran my finger around the outline of his or her tiny body then propped up the image on the dashboard.
I leapt as someone knocked on the passenger window about ten minutes later, then relaxed when I saw it was Stevie… well, relaxed as much as I could with my stomach doing somersaults at the sight of him. I hadn’t seen him since Sarah’s birthday meal and clearly my feelings hadn’t changed during that time.
‘I thought it was you,’ he said, poking his head through the window that I’d wound down. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘Just thinking. You?’
‘I’ve been for a run. It’s a bit nippy, though.’ He shivered. ‘Don’t let that blue sky deceive you.’
‘Get in before you catch a chill.’
‘Thanks.’ He settled into the passenger seat as I pressed the button to close the window. ‘You said you were thinking. About anything in particular?’
I couldn’t help myself. My eyes flicked to the scan photo on the dashboard. Stevie reached for the photo and studied it for a moment, nodding slowly. I held my breath, waiting for his reaction, heart thumping.
‘I guess this answers my question,’ he said, still looking at the scan. ‘And it would explain why you turned down both Michael and me.’
I nodded. ‘It wouldn’t have been fair to get involved when I knew I was pregnant.’
Stevie stared at the scan, a wistful expression on his face, then he gently placed it back on the dashboard.
‘I’m sorry,’ I said.
He turned to me, looking surprised. ‘What for?’
‘For not telling you the truth at the time.’
He smiled, but his dimples barely showed. ‘I know now. Do you want to talk about it?’
I bit my lip and shrugged. ‘There isn’t much to say. I’m nearly thirteen weeks pregnant with Daniel’s baby. He doesn’t know yet. I don’t want anything from him, but I think he has a right to know. The only other people who know about it are Clare, Michael, Jem, and my Head and I’d like to keep it that way for now.’
‘I understand your Head would need to know, and Jem’s your counsellor, right?’
I nodded.
‘So confiding in him makes sense, but Clare and Michael seem unlikely choices.’
‘Tell me about it. Clare guessed when we were out for Sarah’s birthday. Michael came to drop his dad’s camera off and overheard her. He kind of lost the plot with me.’
‘I knew you were upset that night,’ Stevie said. ‘That’s why, isn’t it? Clare said you’d exchanged words with Michael outside. It was about the baby, wasn’t it?’
I nodded. ‘It wasn’t pretty.’
Stevie glanced towards the scan again. ‘How come nobody else knows?’
‘Because my sister’s pregnant and my best friend’s getting married and I want them to enjoy their moments without me stealing their thunder with yet another unexpected turn of events. I think the gay husband was enough of a surprise without me announcing my pregnancy by a five-timing, friend-thumping, rebound-relationship cretin.’
Stevie smiled and, this time, his dimples showed. ‘I take it there’s no chance of a reconciliation with Daniel, then?’
‘Gosh, no! Never in a million years. I always knew it wasn’t love but, after what he did to you, I wasn’t sure I even liked him. The… er… the deed was already done at that point.’
‘How do you think Daniel will react?’
‘Not well. I expect he’ll want me to end it and, when I refuse to do that, he’ll want nothing to do with the baby, which is absolutely fine by me, but a shame for the baby. I already feel bad that baby bean won’t have a father figure in his or her life.’ I sighed. ‘But I’ll try to do my best to make sure they don’t miss out. You won’t tell anyone, will you?’
‘Of course not. How are you feeling?’
‘The nausea has subsided a bit so that’s a relief. I’m a bit scared, but I’m also really excited. I know I may not look it right now, but that’s because I’m still a little shell-shocked at seeing baby bean for the first time. It’s starting to feel more real.’