“I know.” She panted. “I know, Leo.”
I fucked her so hard that it might have been better that we were on the living room floor, as we could have very well broken the bed. Sensing myself coming undone, I slowed down, hoping to stop myself from exploding too soon.
But the moment I slowed down, Felicity began bucking her hips faster. I had no choice but to pick up the pace, which I knew would be the end of me.
Within seconds, my orgasm rose to the surface and began to shoot through me like a freaking volcano erupting.
“Fuck,” I yelled as I started to come, hoping it was okay that I hadn’t pulled out.
As my cum filled her, I felt her pussy squeeze around me. Felicity screamed in pleasure as she climaxed.
I lay on the floor, still inside of her, for several minutes as we kissed. Though we were supposed to be sated, I only wanted more. I ran my tongue along the freckles under her neck, and then lowered my mouth, pressing it softly against her breasts. When I looked up, she was watching every move I made.
“You like watching me devour you, don’t you? You like watching me come apart, in general.”
She smiled. “Guilty. I especially loved watching your face when you moved in and out of me. And the way your eyes rolled back when you came.”
“I was so calm and collected.”
She laughed. “Just the opposite.”
I finally pulled out before lying beside her. “I had big plans for tonight. I wanted to take you out to a nice restaurant for dinner, then perhaps take you back to my room and make love to you properly. Fucking you on the floor was sort of barbaric.”
She ran her finger along my jaw. “It was perfect.”
“You know what? I think so, too. And is it wrong that I don’t even want to get up off this ground? I want to lie here with you forever in front of this fire.”
“We should get takeout so we can eat naked.”
“You’re a woman after my own heart, you know that?”
“I have to give you up at the end of the summer,” she said with a shrug. “I don’t feel like sharing you with anyone tonight.”
My chest tightened as a wave of reality hit. My decision to sleep with her made things much more complicated. As much as I’d never trade the experience, it was still probably a mistake given how much more attached to her I felt right now.
“What are you thinking?” she asked.
I couldn’t tell her I’d never felt this way before. It wouldn’t be fair to open my heart like that when I was only going to leave.
“I’m thinking about how screwed I am,” I finally said.
“You’re not the only one.”
I got up and offered her my hand. “Come on. I’m taking you to my room next.”
Felicity giggled as I lifted her and carried her up the stairs.
After I placed her on the bed, I smothered her with kisses, all over her body.
She placed a dainty hand on my chest, looking contemplative.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
She met my gaze. “Yes. I really am. This is the best July Fourth I’ve ever had.”
“We made our own fireworks just now, didn’t we?”
She smiled with an adorable blush.
Today was odd. I’d gone from feeling at peace to anxious in an instant. There was still so much I needed to learn about her, and I was running out of time.
“Tell me something no one else knows about you,” I said. “I want one of your secrets that’s all mine.”
She blinked. “I don’t have any sordid things I’m hiding. I just have things I hide behind.”
I twirled a piece of her red hair around my finger. “How do you mean?”
“I hide behind a façade of strength sometimes, in order to convince myself I’m strong. For the most part, I am. But there are certain lies I tell myself and other people. I’ve told you the same one. Or at least I’ve implied it.”
“What is it?”
“That I don’t need anyone. That’s not true. Everyone needs someone. And I wasn’t exactly honest when you asked me how I felt about the idea of finding my father. The truth is, I’m scared of rejection. Deep in my heart, the thought of a father who might love me makes me so emotional I can’t even think about it. I won’t let myself. So, I’m not as strong as I might appear when you first meet me. That’s my secret—or maybe that was two secrets.”
Her admission touched my heart. “Thank you for sharing that. Although I have to say, it doesn’t make you less strong to me. Strength is derived from actions, not feelings. We can’t control how we feel inside, our emotions or weaknesses. But we can control how we persevere despite them. In that sense, you’re one of the strongest people I’ve ever met. And your emotional vulnerabilities—least of all your need for love in your life—certainly don’t take away from that.”
She linked her fingers with mine. “Your turn. Tell me something you’ve never told anyone.”
Oh boy. I suppose I’d asked for this.
Looking up at the ceiling, I said, “Even though on a rational level, I know it wasn’t my fault, I often blame myself for the fact that my brother isn’t here. When you told me you’d read about his existence on the Internet, I was a little too gobsmacked to say all that much. I wanted to tell you more about it. But it’s hard for me to talk about—I really never have.”
I shut my eyes. “I’ll never get past the idea that my presence in the womb with him basically overwhelmed his system until he couldn’t survive. I often wonder what my life would have been like with a brother, you know? He might have wanted all the glory, all the responsibility of pleasing my parents, and I would’ve gladly let him take it. He might have eased some of the burden on me. His mere existence might have been my ticket out of Westfordshire. Or maybe I would’ve never wanted to leave him. He might have been my best friend. But I’ll never know.” I exhaled. “He’s part of the reason I’ve always felt this immense need to please my parents. Sometimes I wonder if God chose wrong.” I finally looked into her eyes. “So that’s my secret.”
She leaned in and kissed me, as if she wanted to take away the pain.
“I obviously hate that you feel that way, and I know it’s not always easy to believe people when they tell you it’s not your fault,” she said. “But I understand. We sometimes blame ourselves for things we have no control over. I often wonder whether my mother would be alive if she hadn’t had me. Did the pressure of having an illegitimate child while battling drugs push her over the edge? I’ll never know. But I think about things like that, too.”
I smiled. “Well, wherever your mother is, I’m certain she’s proud of her daughter.”
“Maybe not today after I let you fuck me on your living room floor.” She blushed. “But in general, yeah.”
“Actually, speaking of that, I really want to do it again right now in this bed,” I said, grinning like a fool. “But I think we should eat first because you’re going to need your energy.”
Felicity jumped when fireworks went off outside the window. “Jesus! I thought that was gunfire for a second. Forgot it was the Fourth of July. They sneak up on you.”