“Did your parents get you a lawyer?”
She nodded. “They did, and he was fresh out of law school. He had no idea how to handle the agents telling him that I had violated national security in a dozen different ways. I was told that I’d be locked up, tried as an adult, that I was going to lose everything…” A sad smile twisted her lips. “And just when I thought things were darkest, I was offered a deal.”
“Come work for us…and the crimes vanish.”
She nodded. It was a deal that she’d learned was made far too often, and most people never even realized it. “I had conditions on my deal. I wanted protection for Cy. I was the one who’d had the idea to take the money, not him. I wanted him to get his freedom. I was told that he got it.”
Jinx’s eyes narrowed. His lips parted as if he’d say something, but he seemed to catch himself.
But now she was curious. “What is it?”
“You asked for protection, for him?”
She nodded. “I thought I got it. It was only later—much later, when I was working a case—that I realized Cy had never gone free.”
His eyes gleamed. “How did you realize it?”
“I was hacking. I mean, that was the main reason they wanted me, right? But I wasn’t the only one looking at this particular system. And the thing about hackers—it’s like we have fingerprints…” Maybe that wasn’t a good enough description. “Or…signatures.” That was better. “You can recognize someone else’s code. Understand that code belongs to someone in particular.”
“And you saw Cyrus’s signature.”
“At first, I thought he might be—” She stopped. Tell him everything. “I thought he might be a threat. I had to report what was happening, but when I informed Landon, I learned that the other hacker—Landon never identified him specifically, just said the ‘other hacker’—I learned he was also working for Landon.”
“Are you sure it was Cyrus?”
“I sent him a message,” she confessed. She would not hold back with Jinx. “And he replied. It was the only time we communicated because part of my deal was that I’d end contact with the life I had before.”
“Wait…” His fingers circled around her wrist, and Jinx tugged her close. “End contact? Define that.”
“I left my hometown. I left my school. I left my family. And I wasn’t supposed to look back. The government needed me to become a shadow, and shadows don’t have a past.” She pressed her lips together, then admitted, voice small and subdued, “There wasn’t anything to go back to. Shortly after I was arrested…” God, this hurt so much. “My dad had a heart attack. He died. My mom made it clear that I was an embarrassment. She blamed me for what happened to him. Said that I’d caused it. She sent me a note and said she never wanted to see me again. As far as she was concerned, I was dead to her.”
“Fucking brutal.”
“I rather thought so at the time.” It hurt even more to say… “I’d always hoped she might change her mind, but a month after I got the note, she was killed in a hit and run. They were both gone. There was nothing in my old life for me.”
“So you just became someone else. You let Landon and the others train you, and you became a dozen different people.”
Her hair slid over her shoulder. “I became whoever I needed to be in order to get the job done.” A bitter laugh broke from her. “Sometimes, I’m not even sure who I am anymore.”
He leaned forward. Pressed a fast, hard kiss to her lips. “I know exactly who you are.”
Who am I? She swallowed back the question. “I told you my dirty story. Gave you all the details, and yet you’re still staring at me as if…” Her voice trailed away.
“As if—what?”
As if you still care. As if nothing had changed for him. “Tell me about your life.”
“You don’t want to hear it.”
“I want to know everything about you. I always have. Why do you think I looked into your files so much?” She could feel a burn in her cheeks. “I guess some habits are just hard to shake. I still go peeking where I’m not supposed to, and, yes, I tried to learn about you.”
“Why? Why would I matter?”
Was he going to play this game? “Oh, Jinx. You’ve always mattered.”
“Always?” One eyebrow rose. “You sure did a good job of hiding that. I thought you barely tolerated me on most missions.”
“You were the person who got me through most missions,” Ali corrected. “When I was scared or desperate, you’d make some ridiculous statement. You’d toss salt in Odin’s eyes or at War…You’d smile at me, and everything would just be…all right.” That was it. Her stark truth. Her fear had faded, and her world had been good when Jinx was there. “You helped me get through more dark days than you will probably ever know.”
His expression hardened. “You think you didn’t do the same for me?”
Her breath caught. “Jinx?”
“I had nothing growing up, Ali. My family was never what you’d call functional. Drugs and alcohol, they were what my parents loved. My dad would do anything for the next fix.”
She wanted to throw her arms around him and hold on tight. Her heart ached for him.
“I knew we were heading straight for trouble, but I couldn’t stop my old man. The only thing that stopped him was jail. I tried to take care of my brother. When we were sent into foster care, I swear, I tried my hardest…”
“I know.” She did hug him. Ali just had to wrap her arms around him and hold on tight.
“When Ram vanished, I didn’t have many choices. I stayed with a foster family until I hit legal age, and then the military was an option staring me dead in the face. Once I enlisted, it turned out I had a real aptitude for the life.” He was stiff in her embrace. “I soaked up everything I was taught. There was so much to learn, and I wanted to learn everything. I couldn’t wait for the missions. I wanted to see new places, I wanted to see new things…and like you, I was offered deals. But my deals—”
“They were about your brother.”
“I was told he’d gotten into trouble. While I’d been on the other side of the world, he’d been fighting to survive. I know he crossed the line. I know…” If possible, his body became even harder. “He’s my brother.”
She looked up at him. “You can’t turn your back on him.” She knew what it was like to have family walk away. It guts you.
“Sometimes, you have to turn away,” Jinx rasped. “If I could have gotten Ram away from my dad when we were kids, I would have done it. There was nothing good for us there. Your buddy Cyrus isn’t the only one with an asshole dad who liked to hit.”
“Jinx.” Ali wished she could take all of his pain away.
“You get me, Ali.” He seemed to be looking straight into her soul. “I kind of always knew that, but it’s even more so now. I feel like you understand me. Like you—”
“I would do anything for you,” she said clearly. He needed to understand this. “I hope you know that.” There was no one that she would put before him. Didn’t he get how important he was to her? Didn’t he see?