Leif knew Nixon.
Leif knew Nixon.
Oh God.
Why . . . why would he do this to me? Why would he come here and rip me apart?
I will ruin you.
I will ruin you.
Is that what he meant? Had he done this on purpose? Cruel and unjust.
No. There was no way. He’d pushed me away a thousand times. But our connection had been too great. The man my gravity.
There was no faking that.
My mind spun, back to what Penny had said. The worry she’d worn when she’d explained Leif’s reaction to Nixon.
They knew each other.
They did.
That’s what had sent Leif running.
I moaned through the agony, and I could hear Nix in the other room, telling Penny to get her things.
Greyson was whimpering. Crying for me.
I had to get it together. Understand what Nixon meant. I refused to believe it—that Leif was actually dangerous.
That he would hurt us.
Leif’s voice spun.
But the rest of who I was? He was a bad guy. He did horrible, bad things.”
“Just because I didn’t pull the trigger doesn’t mean I wasn’t responsible. Doesn’t mean I’m not the devil.”
I puked some more. Unable to keep it down. To stop this eruption of grief. The poison that roiled inside of me.
The bathroom door banged open. Nix was there, a backpack on his shoulder. “Let’s go.”
“Nix, I—”
“Get up, Mia. We don’t have time for this.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I’ll tell you in the car.”
My mind raced, head spinning, disoriented. My hand shot out to the wall to keep me steady.
Everything weak.
Everything wrong.
“I’m not going anywhere with you. Tell me what’s going on. I want to know what you mean. How do you know Leif?”
His rage crashed through the tiny room, and he was in my face. “I’m leaving right now, with my kids. Are you coming with me or not?”
He turned around and walked out the door, picking up Greyson who’d been coming my way, my son crying and crying. I was right behind him, grabbing at his shirt. “Put him down. You aren’t taking him anywhere.”
“Watch me, Mia.”
I stumbled out into the main room, and Penny was there, her backpack on her shoulders. Confusion and fear in her eyes.
“Come on.”
“Where are we going?” she asked, pushed up to the wall, trust wiped from her face.
He stretched his free hand toward her. “To get ice cream. You guys can play while me and your mom talk.”
Greyson stopped crying at that. “Owkay.”
God.
This was a disaster. A complete wreck.
“Just, come on, Mia. Put some shoes on. I just need to talk to you. That’s it. I told you I would always do everything to protect you. I’ve been here. Fighting for you. You aren’t going to trust me now? After that twisted fuck came here and messed with your head?”
I wanted to scream at him for talking like that in front of our kids.
Scream at him not to speak such blasphemy.
Beg him to take it back.
Make it untrue.
I needed answers.
A reason.
Nixon was the only one who could give them to me.
“Fine. We can go let the kids play and we’ll talk. But that’s it. I’m not ready to leave Savannah. Give me a minute to change.”
I went back into my room, changed into jeans and a tee, and rinsed my mouth with mouthwash, tried to remain upright.
Not to go dropping back to my knees.
This pain too real.
Too intense.
I thought I could handle it. The scars Leif would leave behind. But I wasn’t so sure of that, anymore.
I came back out, and Nixon went out the main door and turned to the right.
I gestured to the hall down the left. “I need to tell Tamar and Lyrik what’s going on.”
“You can text them from the car.”
“Nixon.”
He didn’t even listen. The man on some kind of mission that I didn’t want to be a part of.
Frustrated, I followed him out, and I texted my brother after I got into the rental SUV that he’d parked at the back street. For a moment, I questioned if I was being unreasonable, this anger I held, when I saw he’d thought far enough ahead to have a car seat in place for Greyson.
His son.
I glanced at him, at the rigid clutch of his jaw, and I tried to find that balance. That respect I’d had for him. For the fact he’d always tried to be here the best that he could be.
He pulled the car out onto the street, followed the directions I gave him for the fast food place that had a playground that the kids liked, while I tried to come to terms.
To remember this wasn’t just about me.
My children were the most important.
I had to put them first.
“Take a left up here,” I told him, except he was accelerating. Glancing in his rear-view mirror. He made a sharp right, and then a quick left.
Frantic, he made another, our speed increasing with each second.
My lungs squeezed, and I jerked to look out the side-mirror. A white car was behind us, weaving side to side. Trying to get to the side to box us in.
And the dread I’d been feeling all day spread and compounded. Became a horror that completely closed off my throat.
I pressed myself to the door and looked over at Nixon.
In disbelief and a plea. “What’s happening?”
His teeth ground, his hands blanched on the steering wheel. “Fucked up, Mia. I fucked up. He was coming for you. I had to get you out of there.”
“What?” I demanded, my voice held low like it could protect the kids. But it didn’t matter. Because Penny knew. I could feel it—her terror invade the space.
“Nixon, what have you done?”
Thirty-Five
Leif
Three Years Ago
Panic.
Desperation.
They whipped my blood into a storm as I raced through the streets. Weaving through cars and running through red lights like no obstacle could stand in front of me.
The world a blur except for one singular focus.
My family.
My family.
I chanted their names as the miles burned from under me.
Like they could hear me.
Like Maddie would listen. Fucking answer her phone so I could tell her to get the hell out of the house, hide out until I could get to her.
But it only rang a thousand times, phone clutched in my hand as I dialed it again and again as I blazed down the streets.
Reckless.
But that’s what this life had been.
It was time for this to end.
I just had to get there.
Get there in time.
I careened around the last turn onto our street, pushing the bike so hard my knuckles felt like they were gonna bust open.
Muscles tight.
Lined with steel.
Terror screamed up my spine when I saw the red and blue lights strobing against the daylight. Cul-de-sac at the end filled with fire trucks and cop cars and ambulances.
This neighborhood that was supposed to be a safe place. An area where our daughter could run and play and grow.
Bile rushed, and my bike flew down the narrow street before I was ramming on the brakes, tires skidding. I didn’t even let it come to a full stop before I lay it down and jumped off.