I knew it.
I felt it deep.
Throbbing wild and desperately.
“Maybe give him some time,” Lyrik broached, a slow suggestion that threatened to wrap me in chains I could never be released from.
Sadness pilfered out on a surrendered sigh. “I can’t have a man coming in and out of our lives when he pleases, Lyrik.”
My brother’s smile was grim. “Doubt he’s very pleased right now, Mia.”
I was pierced with an arrow of sorrow.
One in the perfect shape of Leif.
There was no question he was out there suffering even more than he had been before.
Tamar rubbed my arm, forcing her voice into some brightness that there was no chance I could feel. “Why don’t you get in the shower and come and get something to eat?”
I started to nod, only to go still when I heard Penny’s voice echoing down the hall. “Mom! Dad’s here! Dad’s here!”
Her voice was excited while my spirit stumbled through the dread.
Through the anger I felt that he seemed to be the catalyst that had sent Leif running.
It wasn’t his fault.
Logically, I knew that. But I couldn’t help the blame.
Gloom covering me like a dark, black shroud.
A shiver of disgust rolled.
Tamar edged off the bed and spun in the direction of the door. “What is he doing here?”
I shook my head. “Probably jealous I had a man here.”
“God. I can’t stand him.” She let it hiss from below her breath. I wasn’t even sure if she was directing it at me.
I guessed it was the first time I realized that neither could I.
Wholly.
Truly.
The man a mistake who had given me my greatest joy.
Because my pulse spiked, shivered, and slowed.
A wary thud pulsing in my chest.
Lyrik pushed from the wall with a heavy exhale from his nose. A bull getting ready to charge. He’d never exactly been a Nixon fan.
But none of it changed the fact that he was my children’s father.
I scrubbed my palms over my face in an attempt to break up the disorder. To paste on something that bore a semblance of normal.
“Mom! Mom!”
The door banged open to the main room.
“Dad’s here!”
Lyrik looked at me, jaw hard. “Your call, Mia.”
His hands clenched into fists. No doubt, he would gladly toss Nixon’s ass to the curb.
I shook my head. “It’s fine.”
It wasn’t though.
Because I grimaced when my bedroom door flung open and Penny raced in.
Nixon followed her in, carrying Greyson.
Greyson who squirmed and whined in confusion, stretching his whole body for me when he saw me. “Mommy! I get you!”
I forced myself out of the bed and to standing, hating that I was wearing a tank and short sleep shorts.
I met Nixon’s glare, his want, his questions. Drudging through the force of them, I edged by Tamar who stood rigid so I could take Greyson from him. The second I had him in my arms, Greyson clung to my neck, staring out, like he’d forgotten who Nixon was.
And maybe that was my fault.
Taking them away.
But it felt right.
Affirmed by the cruel stare that pinned me to the spot.
Tension filled the air.
Tight and dense and suffocating.
Something ugly and wrong that made me want to crawl out of my skin.
“Nixon,” I said, dipping my chin. I couldn’t even begin to hide my annoyance that he’d just shown up here.
I felt terrible that the smile slipped off Penny’s face, my sweet girl uneasily looking between us, but I couldn’t find it in myself to fake it.
“Mia.” This from Lyrik who raged by the wall.
I didn’t look at him, just muttered, “It’s fine, Lyrik. You should probably give us a minute to talk.”
I could feel the animosity coming off of my brother, the silent threat he emitted. Nixon just stared him down. Both of them volatile. Prone to violence.
“Do you want me to take the kids?” Tamar offered from right behind me.
“Yeah.”
Nixon grunted. “Leave my kids here.”
Lyrik took a step forward.
I put out my hand. “It’s fine. Just go.”
I could sense Tamar nod, her wariness, the little shock of vicious that she was radiating from her body as she wound passed, Lyrik hesitating, before he finally gave.
At least I knew I would always have them to take up my side.
The four of us were frozen in this lock-down until Lyrik and Tamar’s footsteps retreated, both doors clicking shut.
I glanced at my daughter. “Penny, please take Greyson into the next room.”
She seemed unsure, questioning it all, but she took Greyson from my arms. “Thank you, sweet girl.”
She nodded, looking back once, before she stepped into the other room and closed the door.
“What are you doing here?” I demanded as soon as they were out of earshot.
The second I said it, Nixon let go of the anger he’d been restraining. “I told you I was coming to take you and my kids home.”
I was struck with a bluster of rage. Something old. Something I’d tried to keep covered for the sake of my children. “And I think you should know by now that you don’t have a say about what I do.”
He angled forward. His ice-blue eyes hard, all the sharp, cut angles of his face harsh. “Well, I think I have a say in where my kids are living and who they are hanging around, don’t you? Where is he?”
“Not here.” I wasn’t about to honor him with the details.
“Stay away from him, Mia. I’m warning you.”
I could feel the force of the grief twisting my face. “That’s what this is about? That’s why you showed up here? Because I’m with someone else? Because I fell in love with someone else?” I spat the words. Knowing they were daggers.
I didn’t care.
He didn’t get to do this.
Fury blistered across his face, and he released a cruel bout of laughter. “You think you love him? You don’t even know him.”
I scoffed. Disgusted. Wondering how I’d ever let this jerk touch me. “You don’t know anything about me, Nixon. Know nothing. You know nothing of what I feel or what I want or who I know. And you don’t get to come barging in here pretending like you do.”
“He’s dangerous, Mia.”
My face pinched. “What are you talking about?”
A disturbance rising up. A flicker of awareness that sent worry flooding through my senses.
Contempt rolled from his tongue. “Leif and I? We go way back. Asshole hates me, and the only reason he is here is to get back at me.”
Shock rocked me to the soul.
An earthquake.
A fault line that split me in two.
“What did you just say?” I tried to make the words sound defiant, but they trembled in my throat.
Aftershocks.
He knew Leif?
That couldn’t . . . that couldn’t be possible.
No.
“I said he’s dangerous, Mia, and you and the kids are coming with me.”
Dizziness spun, and the nausea I’d been fighting all day hit me hard. I ran into the bathroom.
Dropped to my knees.
Purged the pain.
I clung to the edge of the toilet, trying to see through the tears that rushed down my face and blurred my sight.