Thankfully, he seemed content to let the conversation die down as the movie continued.
Well, he was content until I grabbed another brownie. “Are you going to give yourself a stomachache?”
I felt like a kid again, squirming because he’d caught me sneaking treats.
“No.” But I quickly pulled the brownie toward me so he couldn’t make me put it down.
Forest nodded but didn’t seem pleased. “Let me get you a drink.”
I could see he thought those two sentences went together, but I had a feeling he’d done most of the mental debating in his head. But I didn’t care what was running through his mind as long he didn’t take the brownies away. There were two more on the plate and he didn’t seem to be in a hurry to have any more, so I was pretty sure they would be mine too as long as I played my cards right.
It’d been ages since I had brownies.
One of the ladies at work brought in desserts once in a while, but nothing like that was on my grocery list because even when they were cheap they were a complete waste of money. Every cent counted because I wasn’t going to die of some weird disease just because I’d only bought crap at the grocery store.
No, I was going to live a long life just to fuck with the asshole’s head on a regular basis.
When Forest came back in, I had no idea what to think.
Milk.
Did most grown-ups drink milk with brownies?
Did he still think I was a kid or was it just something he’d done automatically?
I wasn’t willing to ask, so I nodded as he handed me the glass. “Thanks.”
The milk cut through the chocolate and was a good idea since the brownies were so rich, but since he’d come back with a cup of coffee for himself, I wasn’t sure what that said about how he saw me.
Was I a child in his eyes?
Was it a subtle way of making fun of me?
He’d said I’d grown up into a fine man and that seemed to indicate he saw me as an adult. But would he have brought milk to someone he saw as an equal without asking? I mean, it wasn’t like we’d been hanging around eating Oreos.
I was going to look insane if I kept questioning every glance he gave me.
I’d already known it would be a long few days before he could leave, but I was starting to think I’d underestimated how difficult it would be. The second-guessing was going to give me an ulcer by the time I had the cabin to myself again. Every time I thought about it, my peaceful vacation started to get more and more anxiety-ridden.
Drinking my milk and finishing up the last of the brownie I’d grabbed, I pushed everything back and tried to focus on the movie again. It was easy to get lost in the story, so I almost jumped when Forest took the empty glass from me and set it on the table.
“Thank you.”
I said it automatically, but he rested his hand on my shoulder and squeezed. “You’re welcome.”
There was nothing sexual in his touch, but I could feel it radiate through me. All I wanted to do was to lean into him, but that just wasn’t possible. Not only would it make me look like a kid—something I really didn’t need—but he was gay.
I didn’t want to give him the wrong idea. If I thought it was awkward now, I could only imagine how weird it would get if he thought I was coming on to him.
No, that was the last thing I needed.
There was no telling what he would think of that, and I didn’t need to give him anything else to go back and talk to my father about. I wasn’t so delusional I thought he wasn’t going to confront the asshole. Setting him up by giving him the cabin during the time I would be up here wasn’t something Forest would ignore.
I’d never seen him confront the asshole before, but I’d heard the asshole bitch enough that I knew Forest usually made his feelings known when there was a problem. I’d heard for years about how he’d gotten a promotion that the asshole had wanted.
But everyone had loved Forest.
There was no way the asshole would get a promotion if Forest had wanted it. I could still remember all the nice things people would say every time the asshole tried to slide in something negative into a conversation.
Being ignored as a kid had some benefits.
The top being the ability to eavesdrop.
Forest’s hand started kneading my shoulder. “Relax, watch the movie. Whatever you’re stressing about can wait.”
He knew me too well.
“I’m fine.”
He snorted. “Right.”
I could see him out of the corner of my eye and he was looking at the movie, but his hand kept digging into the muscles around my neck. “This is supposed to be fun and relaxing. You’re on vacation. No worries.”
That was easy for him to say.
“I’m relaxed.”
He gave a dry laugh. “And I’m Santa.”
“I don’t remember you being this much of a turkey when I was a kid.” I had to fight the urge to smile as he laughed.
“You’re not a kid any longer.” He ran his hand over my head before he moved it back to my shoulder. “I can be sarcastic now. Besides, you didn’t hide things from me when you were a kid, so I need better tactics now.”
It was my turn to scoff. “I hid things.”
“From other people, maybe.” There was utter confidence in his voice. “Never from me. Sure, there were some things we didn’t talk about, but you wouldn’t have lied if we’d talked about that kind of stuff. That wasn’t how our relationship worked.”
Because he’d been the only grown-up I’d known who would really listen.
He’d never acted like I was wasting his time when I rambled on about Star Wars and books and school. He’d just taken it all in and had remembered everything. Even if it was weeks between his visits to the house, he’d ask about how the book ended or would comment on something else we’d talked about.
I’d mattered to him.
“I’d been planning on telling you I was gay, but you left before I got up the nerve.” I didn’t know why I admitted that, but the words popped out before I could stop them.
Focusing on the TV like the movie would jump out of the screen at any moment, I missed his reaction, but when his hand squeezed again, I knew he wasn’t bothered by it. “I would’ve been very proud of you.”
There was something in his voice, a tenderness that gave me the courage to glance over.
He was smiling, but there was a sadness in his eyes I hadn’t expected. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. There was just so much going on in my life at that point that I had to make a change. I didn’t realize how strained things were at home, and even now, I’m not sure how we could’ve kept in contact without someone thinking it was wrong.”
I shrugged but found myself leaning into his touch. “I know…and thanks.”
I’d known he was unhappy even if as a kid I couldn’t understand why, but that hadn’t helped push away the feeling of being abandoned. I was just a kid he’d talked to occasionally. I hadn’t been his responsibility, but he hadn’t understood how much I’d needed our conversations.
“Why did you leave?” The question didn’t matter anymore, but I couldn’t hold it back.
He sighed, leaning back into the couch. “I was so restless at that point. I’d been seeing a guy for a long time and he was in the closet about a lot of things.”