He swallowed and I could almost see the walls being rebuilt. If I didn’t get a wedge in there, I’d have to start all over again, and I wasn’t sure there were enough brownies in the cabin to help or enough days left before the plows would finally come through. Even with the light dusting that was still falling, eventually they’d clear his road.
Taking one last stab, I turned the tables on him. “You would help me if I was hurting and needed a hug, wouldn’t you?”
Putting the ball back in his court had him freezing.
The seconds dragged by with the only sound being the end credits still playing on the television. Finally, he nodded and I could see him forcing the tension from his body. It wasn’t a genuine reaction, but it was deliberate and sometimes that was just as important.
“Then let me help you.” I swallowed past the lump in my throat.
He was like a deer in the headlights waiting for the impending doom he’d never be able to escape. It left echoes of the boy he’d used to be between us. That boy hadn’t wanted to open up to anyone, but he’d never had this much pain inside him either.
Opening my arms slowly, I kept my gaze on him. “Come here.”
I couldn’t promise him everything would be fine. I didn’t know enough about his situation to even come close to guessing all he was facing, but I’d be there for him if that was what he wanted.
Refusing to back down, I kept my arms wide and tried to show him how sorry and sincere I was. I’d give anything to go back and be there for him when he needed me, but there was nothing I could do to fix that. All I could do was show him that I’d be there going forward.
No matter where I ended up living, he was going to have to chase me off to get me to disappear out of his life this time.
Even then he wouldn’t find it easy.
I didn’t make the same mistake twice.
As the seconds ticked by, I could see him expecting me to give up and let him escape, but I just waited. Patience was not something I was lacking. If our standoff took hours, I could wait. I might have to shift my arms at some point, but I wasn’t going to look away.
I wasn’t going to give up on him.
He was worth it.
Finally, he gave me the faintest nod and the last of the bravado he’d been clinging to faded. I could almost see the walls he’d built start to crumble as he scooted closer. That one little inch was all it took to let me know it was time to step in.
Leaning over, I wrapped my arms around him and tugged him closer, thanking every moment of exercise I’d gotten over the past couple of years. Me throwing my back out pulling him onto my lap would have ruined the moment.
“Come here.” As I hugged him tight, he held himself stiffly for several long seconds before he gradually started to relax against me. “Deep breath and just sit here with me.”
It would be fine…god, the words just kept wanting to come out. But I didn’t make promises I couldn’t keep, so I just held him tight as he closed his eyes and sank into me. I didn’t know how long we sat there as the tension in his body continued to fade, but it was so long that when he started to speak again, the whispered words stood out in the almost silent room.
“I’ve got a pretty good life now.” He swallowed and took a breath.
When I didn’t respond with words and just hugged him tighter, he continued. “I work at the front desk of an insurance office. It sounds like I’m a receptionist, but it’s actually more than that. I do a lot of the work you don’t need a license for and the customers like me.”
I chuckled and hugged him again. “I thought you saved your best conversations for me? Now I hear you're talking to everyone.”
He gave a huff, but I could hear the smile in his voice as he tucked his face against my neck. “Yeah, that’s me. I’m just a chatterbox.”
Running one hand up and down his back, I stroked over his head with my other before holding him tight again. “Tell me more about it.”
This part must have been easy for him because there was no hesitation this time. “I’m studying to get my insurance license, but everyone else has a college degree, so I haven’t said anything yet. I’m not sure if that’s just a coincidence or not, but my boss has mentioned several times about how important higher education is. But at the very least, when I’m ready I’m going to apply to other offices if she won’t give me a chance. That will be a huge pay jump and I might be able to afford some online college courses then.”
“I think that’s a great idea. There are all kinds of schools that do whole degrees online.” Squeezing him again, I smiled. “You always talked about doing AP courses in high school to get college credit early. Did you get into those?”
When he nodded against my shoulder, I felt a burst of pride. “That’s great. Those aren’t easy classes. You’re going to do great in college.”
Anger flashed through me when I thought about everything his father had tried to take away from him, but I pushed it back. It wouldn’t help Joseph.
“Thanks. I’ve got a few things to do first, though.” He took another deep breath, but it was more ragged than last time and I could feel tension building again. “I had to get a lawyer to deal with the cabin stuff and I still owe him money. When you add in my portion of the insurance and taxes it adds up, but I’m not going to give up on the cabin. It’s mine too.”
Something nagged at the back of my memory, but I let it go, focusing on Joseph. “Because this place always meant a lot to you and you shouldn’t have to give up your legacy just because your father is an asshole.”
He gave a snort, but the silly sound faded as his stress level went up again.
“Yeah, he’s an ass, but he—”
Whatever he was going to say was pure shit. There was no justification for what his father had done, so I jumped in before he could finish. “No, there is nothing you could have done to deserve what happened. We’re just going to leave it as he’s an asshole.”
Joseph didn’t pull away, but he stiffened and sighed.
I knew he was building up the courage to tell me what happened. I couldn’t decide if talking and distracting him was a good idea or if he just needed me to hold him and give him time. Eventually, he took the decision out of my hands as he started to speak.
“I know he’s an ass, but sometimes I worry that he might be right.” The quiet words hit me so hard I could feel my heart clenching.
“Did you hurt someone else?” That was an easy one. He’d never raised his hand to anyone and I knew that much wouldn’t have changed.
When he shook his head, I guessed again. “Did you steal or do drugs?”
Even then I knew there were other options than kicking him out. They had money for rehab if it’d come down to that, but Joe would never have done something like that. He’d been a bit obsessed with controlling his privacy as a kid, so drugs would have never appealed to him.
“No.”
“What about refusing to bathe and clean? He was always a bit of a neat freak.” The giggles that escaped Joseph had his body sagging against me again.
“No.” Joseph sighed, the laughter giving him a bit of a confidence boost because he continued. “He was supposed to be out for the day and Mom was on a trip with some of her friends. I had the house to myself…at least that’s what I thought.”