But it didn't matter. He could give her mountains of cash, a brand-new house, a shiny car. He could tell her she'd been the perfect mother, but she'd never change because she had no reason to.
Debra was crying now. Her shoulders were hunched over, her hands on her face. Despite his anger, Jack still felt guilty.
Sighing, he wrapped his arms around her. She tried to push him away, but it was a feeble attempt.
"Why are you so mean to me?" she was saying in between sobs. "I've tried and tried and it's never good enough."
Jack said nothing. He said nothing because there was no point.
He offered to walk his mom home, but she refused. He could only get her to wear his coat so she didn't freeze to death.
"I'm sorry, Mom," he said. He meant it.
"I don't accept your apology." She slammed the door behind her so hard it rattled the walls.
Soon after she'd left, Jack gave in and followed her. He only wanted to make sure she got home all right. There was no telling what his mom would do in this state. She could go to some bar, get drunk, and then pass out in some alley. Or she might hurt herself. Jack couldn't bear the thought that he'd cause her to do either.
He followed her without her realizing it. When she finally buzzed herself into her building, he let out a sigh of relief.
He wandered the streets for a while with no destination in mind. Why go home? That dump of an apartment wasn't his home.
He thought of Gwen, and it made his heart ache. And as he sifted through so many memories he had of Gwen Parker, he realized that she'd never treated him like his mom had. She'd never demanded anything from him. Even when she'd told him she loved him, it'd been offered as a gift.
And he, the greatest fool of all time, had thrown that magnificent gift back into her face.
Groaning, he sat down on a bench, his knees suddenly wobbly. I love her. I love Gwen. And she'll probably never want to see my face again.
"You back again?"
Jack looked up to see Ronny lounging on the bench across from him. He hadn't even realized he'd returned to the park.
"I guess I can't stay away," he said.
"I'm really not interested in you in that way."
That made Jack smile a little. "Noted."
They sat in silence for a while, Ronny gazing up at the sky, Jack wondering if there was any possible way to get Gwen back. If he had to beg, borrow, steal...he'd do it.
"Ronny, have you ever fucked up with a woman so badly that she wouldn't take you back?" Jack asked.
"Only once, when I was just a kid. I cheated on a girl. It was the stupidest thing I could've done." Ronny peered at Jack. "You cheat on your girl?"
Jack shook his head. "She said she loved me. I told her it wouldn't work."
Ronny let out a low whistle. "Shit, that might be worse. I'm surprised you're still alive."
"So it's hopeless?"
"Hopeless? Fuck me, I don't know. I'm not your shrink. But you gotta at least try. Otherwise, you'll always wonder and that's the worst feeling. I didn't try with my girl. I had too much pride. And then she married some other guy and well, here you see me." He flashed Jack a grim smile. "She made the better choice in the end."
Jack sat on the bench and listened to Ronny snore. He watched people pass by as he thought. Eventually, he got up and bought a pack of cigarettes. He then set them on the bench next to Ronny's feet, covered them with the blanket, and headed home.
Chapter Twenty-Two
When Jack showed up at the Wright place, Jack found himself being politely told to get lost.
"Mr. Luke isn't available for visitors," the housekeeper said for the second time.
"I need to see him. It's an emergency."
The housekeeper didn't seem all that dismayed. She just raised one supercilious eyebrow and asked, "Are you bleeding, sir?"
"No."
"Is someone else bleeding?"
Jack clenched his jaw. "No."
"Then this is not an emergency. Please schedule an appointment at a later time—"
Jack pushed the front door open, causing the woman to gasp in outrage. He then yelled, "Luke! Luke, you bastard, I know you're in here!"
A few other people came around various corners to stare at the crazy man yelling up the stairs. The housekeeper fluttered around Jack before hurrying to pick up one of the phones.
Jack wondered if she'd call the police. It'd take a half an hour just to get out here, and by then, he would've found Luke.
Despite having been in the house before, Jack got lost more than once, losing valuable time. But then he recognized the hallway that Luke had led him down when he'd met with him that first time to talk about Gwen.
Jack walked into Luke's office to find his friend with a woman. Her back was turned, so Jack couldn't see her face. Luke had his arm around her waist. His expression was so intent on her that he didn't even notice his office door opening.
But the woman noticed. She looked over her shoulder, her eyes wide. It was then that Jack recognized her: it was Jocelyn Gray.
The trio stared at each other for a long moment. There was no noise except the sound of Jack shifting his weight and making the floorboards creak.
"Oh!" Jocelyn practically sprang from Luke's grasp. "Jack! You're here. On Hazel Island. In Luke's house." She was speaking so quickly Jack could barely understand her. "You're here. Why are you here?"
Luke shot her a look. She shut up after that.
"Yeah, Jack, why are you here?" said Luke. "This is sudden."
"I needed to talk with you."
"You have my number. You have a phone."
"In person."
Right then, the housekeeper rushed into the office, panting like she'd been running. "Mr. Luke! I'm so sorry! He wouldn't leave. I called the police, they're on their way—"
Luke raised an eyebrow. "Did you accost the staff?" he said to Jack.
Jack crossed his arms. "They wouldn't let me inside."
"I wonder why." To the housekeeper, he said, "Maggie, it's fine. Jack here is just rough around the edges. I'm sorry he was rude. Please let the police know they aren't needed."
Maggie narrowed her eyes at Jack, unconvinced. Based on her expression, he was half-convinced she'd happily place a curse on him for his behavior.
"I guess I should go, too," said Jocelyn uneasily. She swallowed hard. "Nice to see you, Jack."
"Likewise."
Jocelyn glanced over her shoulder at Luke, but he was looking at papers on his desk. Jack saw her shoulders slump as she followed Maggie down the hallway.
"Close the door, will you? And maybe lock it for good measure. You're not the first surprise guest I've had today."
Although Jack was curious about Jocelyn and Luke, he had more pressing matters. "I need your help," he said after shutting the door.
"I thought you were leaving the island for good? I'm pretty sure you told me you were never coming back." Luke sat down, putting his feet up on his desk.
Jack didn't sit. "I fucked up."