Gwen licked her dry lips. "Why didn't you tell me before today?"
"I should have. I hoped that Luke would still offer you funding. In fact, I assumed he would." Jack gripped the edge of the wooden desk, his knuckles turning white. "I fucked up."
"Okay. Okay." Gwen had to sit down. Her brain was going a mile a minute. "It's your money. I'm not entitled to it. I'm not going to blame you if you needed to change your mind."
"You should blame me," he growled.
"I do for not telling me sooner. For not talking to Luke, too." She sighed. "Honestly, I don't care about the money."
He turned so he was gazing straight at her. He looked stunned. "But this is your dream."
"I have a lot of dreams. But I've realized, in the weeks we've spent together, that spending the rest of my life with you is what's most important."
Jack just stared at her, motionless.
"I love you. I do." She let out a sob. "I know we agreed to avoid 'catching feelings' for each other, but I have to be honest with you. I probably fell in love with you before we even kissed. I just didn't want to admit it to myself."
"Christ, Gwen..."
"Restaurant or not, you're what matters to me." She stood up and took his hands. "And I think you feel the same. I know it's not just my imagination. No man who didn't care deeply would've done what you've done for me. Would've waited for me. Tell me I'm wrong."
He said nothing for a long moment. The only sounds in the room were the rain falling against the glass of the windows and the wind whistling.
Jack hadn't squeezed her hands or intertwined his fingers with hers like he usually would. His hands were limp against her own. When he let go of her, she felt ice drip down her spine.
"This isn't going to work," he repeated.
Gwen felt her heart disintegrate into a million pieces. Tears fell down her cheeks. "You don't love me."
"I told you this was only a fling." He sounded almost apologetic.
She nearly hated him right then. She knew he was lying. He wouldn't look into her eyes, and he wouldn't let her touch him.
"I never took you for a coward, Jack Benson," she snapped. "But I guess I was wrong about that. You want to walk out that door and destroy what we could have together? That's your choice. But I know you'll regret it."
That stubbornness of his she knew all too well crossed his face. His jaw was tight, his nostrils flared.
"I'm doing this because I know it's right," he rasped.
"I'm not going to convince you otherwise." She hastily wiped away the tears that wouldn't stop. "And I still love you, anyway."
"I don't deserve that."
"That's not for you to decide. For too long, I've let fear dictate my entire life. I'm not going to keep being that girl who's too afraid to take a chance. So even if you can't love me back, well, at least I tried."
Suddenly the tears were too much. She couldn't talk anymore, only sob. Jack reached out, like he wanted to embrace her, but then he stopped himself.
"What is going on?" Jocelyn burst into the room. "What did you do?" She whirled on Jack, and Gwen half-expected her to deck him.
"We had a discussion," was Jack's numb reply.
"That made her cry? Your discussion skills suck." Jocelyn took Gwen's arm. "Come on. We're going home. I'm tired of this stupid place."
Gwen couldn't disagree. As Jocelyn led her away like a mother hen, Gwen let herself glance back at Jack.
His back was turned. And Gwen knew that they were over.
Chapter Twenty
Gwen felt as though time came to a standstill. Colors seemed duller; the silliest things brought her to tears. Yet even as she grieved the relationship that was doomed from the start, everyone around her carried on. It was as if her broken heart wasn't enough to stop the world in its tracks for just a moment.
Gwen had called Jack more than once. She'd texted him for days after their fight, asking to talk. When he ignored all her overtures, she realized it was over.
And she had enough pride not to keep going to Jack, begging him to love her.
When she lay in her bed at night, staring at the ceiling, sleep elusive, she wondered if she was cursed. Maybe she'd done something terrible in a previous life, and this was karma. Her marriage had failed because she hadn't been enough. Now she'd fallen in love with her best friend, but he'd rejected her.
Gwen wondered if she was just unlovable. The thought ate at her, a gnawing pain that she couldn't shake. Even as she reminded herself that Jack's rejection wasn't necessarily a reflection on her, it didn't feel that way.
It felt like Tim had been right all along, and that thought alone made her so angry she could scream.
To drive the stake further into her heart, Tim had begun texting her again. He’d left her alone after that first random text.
She almost wondered if he could sense she was lonely, like he knew she was vulnerable to him sneaking back into her life.
I still have feelings for you, the text read.
Gwen stared at her phone, trembling. She didn’t know if it was from rage or despair.
I told you not to text me anymore, she replied.
I just needed you to know.
Gwen called him right then. He picked up on the second ring.
“Gwen—”
“No, don’t say anything. This isn’t about you, Tim. For once in your life, maybe think about someone other than yourself.”
Tim was silent now.
“We’re over. Our marriage ended five years ago when you cheated on me, when you made me feel like I was worthless. I never told you how much you hurt me because it seemed pointless. But you did.
“You probably won’t apologize. I don’t need an apology. I just want you to know that I’m okay on my own and I don’t care how you feel about me still. Understand?”
Tim was silent for so long that Gwen wondered if he’d already hung up. Then she heard him inhale a deep breath.
“Fine,” he ground out, “I won’t contact you again.”
When the call disconnected, Gwen couldn’t feel anything except relief.
Her love life might currently be in shambles, but at least she’d finally been honest with her ex.
The staff of the bed and breakfast noticed her strange moods. They seemed to be walking on eggshells, afraid that they'd cause Gwen to burst into tears at any moment.
I've only started crying over something stupid once, thought Gwen irritably. She was decorating the inn for Christmastime. Normally she preferred to hire people to hang lights, but she wanted a reason to avoid talking to anyone.
Jack would've helped me with these, she thought, but that thought only made her cry. "I'm losing my mind," she said to herself. "Get it together, Gwen."
She worked until it was too dark to see safely, and it was so cold that her fingers felt numb. Although Hazel Island didn't get much snow, it got cold, especially after sunset. It didn't help that the sun tended to set before five PM, either.
Gwen was in her office when Jocelyn walked inside. She'd been giving Gwen a lot of space after the disaster that was the meeting at Luke Wright's. Jocelyn wasn't exactly the warmest and fuzziest person, but Gwen could tell Jocelyn was worried about her. She seemed to choose her words more carefully. When she thought Gwen wasn't looking, her eyebrows would furrow, her teeth chewing on her bottom lip.