“How is she doing? I hear she’s gone to therapy and stuff. She’s trying.”
“She is. I can’t rush her or expect her to be okay with the fact that I had a man killed for her.” I keep my voice low so no one can hear me. “It’s normal to need time, but I don’t even think it’s that. I just think she’s afraid to put herself in a position where she can get hurt again.”
“You two will be okay. If there are two people meant to be together, it’s the two of you. You’ll figure it out. Date racing and all.”
“Shut up,” I chuckle, then sigh when the pain in my back disappears completely. It won’t last long, but I’ll take any moment of relief I can. “Hey, Pulse, I know you can’t tell me anything, but are Prez and Scarlett okay?”
“What do you mean?” He grabs my medical chart and scribbles something in it like he always does.
“He has secret meetings with you. He never does anything in secret. The club always knows. He doesn’t ever leave us in the dark, but he is leaving us in the dark about something now, isn’t he?”
“You know I can’t say anything. It’s doctor-patient confidentiality. I will say this, they are healthy. They aren’t sick or anything like that.”
I blow out a relieved breath, smiling from ear to ear. “I had no idea how much I needed to know that until now. Thanks, Pulse.”
“He will announce it when he is ready.”
“Does it have anything to do with them trying to have a baby? Are they pregnant?” I say excitedly. “Oh my god, that would be amazing. I know they have been trying.”
“I can’t say, I’m sorry,” he states automatically, but it’s the way he says it that takes the wind out of my sails.
“Pulse, nothing is wrong, right?”
“One-Eye,” he sounds exasperated. “Stop. I can’t tell you anything. I won’t. I won’t ever do that to any of my patients. I don’t talk about you to anyone. I just say you’re okay, but I don’t say how bad your injuries really are. I don’t tell them the bruises on your back reached your organs and you might be pissing blood for a while. I don’t say how much pain you’re going to be in because it will upset people, and honestly, people don’t need to know unless you want them to. Have the same respect for Prez and his ol’ lady, okay?”
I nod. “You’re right, I apologize. I didn’t mean to be nosy. Hey, am I going to be well enough to go to the farewell party happening this weekend for Void, Teeth, Decay, and Nails?”
“I’ll have to roll you to the living room, but we’ll make sure you don’t miss anything. You can’t drink on your medication,” he says in a parental tone.
“I just want to be there. Drinking don’t matter to me. I’m going to miss those bastards.”
“Yeah, me too. They will be back one day, don’t worry.”
“Everything is changing, and I feel like I can’t keep up.”
Pulse pats the top of my hand as he stands. “That’s the bitch about change. You aren’t supposed to keep up. It’s quicker than you or me will ever be. It’s why we have to adapt. I’ll let you get some rest, okay?”
“Can you check on Alicia? I think she’s supposed to be back by now. I’m getting worried.”
“Sure thing.”
Our attention drifts to the hallway as the voices of Arrow and Kimmy in a heated argument drift down the hall.
“No, they are mine. You can’t just take without asking,” Arrow states.
“They’re for kids. You aren’t a kid!” Kimmy shouts.
“Well, I better go put out that fire. Fucking Arrow and his damn juice boxes.”
When he leaves, I’m left alone, and the sounds of Tom and Jerry are on in the background. I watch as the cat tries to catch the mouse and I feel so fucking relatable to that cat. Granted, I’m not trying to hurt Alicia.
I am trying to catch her.
I run and run, but she’s always out of my reach.
I need to up the ante on this game of cat and mouse.
She manages to slip out of my fingers, but eventually, she’ll be trapped.
She’ll have nowhere to go. She’ll have to stop running.
And I’ll catch her.
I’ll pin her against the wall and show her how running really doesn’t get her anywhere.
Not when it’s me chasing her.
My eye hoods after watching Tom and Jerry for a while and exhaustion begins to set into my bones. I hate feeling weak like this. I miss being at Prez’s side and I hate that I’m not going on the trip to go retrieve the drugs from O’Crowely.
I’m surprised he isn’t bringing it himself, since that means he could see his goddaughters. Something important must be going on in the Irish mob world for him to miss the opportunity.
With a deep exhale, I close my eye and feel my hands slip down onto the blanket, succumbing to sleep.
“What the fuck happened?” Prez booms from the living room and my eye snaps open.
“Mommy?” Kimmy begins to cry.
Alicia? Did something happen to her? Fuck no. Grinding my teeth as I swing my legs over the bed, I grip the IV stand and use it as a crutch to help me stand. The morphine has made me sluggish, but no way in hell am I not going to be there for the woman I love.
We might have had issues, like any normal couple, and things might be fragile and maddening at times, but I won’t ever give up on us.
Madness is a part of the process, but I know in the end, it will be worth it for the happiness I receive.
I drag my foot behind me as I walk, inching my way closer to the door as voices blur together in havoc. Sweat beads along my brow and my heartbeat pounds in my ears with every forced step I take. I trip because I don’t have my balance and I slam my shoulder against the wall. I bite my tongue to ignore the pain, blood blossoming over my taste buds.
It isn’t enough to keep me back.
“Mama?” I call out to her, hoping she can hear me, but the plea is too low, too raspy and full of agony. “Mama!” I try again, sweat dripping into my eye, but my call is too soft as I make my way down the hallway.
The floor feels like quicksand trying to drag me down. Every step becomes harder and harder, but something happened to Alicia. I have to get to her.
Pain won’t ever be wicked enough to keep me from being by her side.
I inhale a deep breath, expanding my lungs so far my bruised ribs ache, and I yell. “Mama!” I try one more time and this time, I’m heard. There is no way someone didn’t hear me.
“Bear?” her tiny voice shakes. I know she’s crying. I can hear it.
I try to move faster, the IV stand taking most of my weight. Tears burn my eye, and my ankle is killing me as I drag it.
I realize I’m feeling fear again. I’m so sick of that damn emotion taking over my soul. It’s consumed too much of my life lately.
When I get to the end of the hall, Pulse curses when he sees me, but he doesn’t come to me because he is with Alicia. Kimmy is by her side, crying, and Boomer is in front of me to block my view.
“One-Eye, she’s okay. But you need to sit down, okay? Sit.”
“No way in hell.” I push Prez out of my way with my IV stand and hobble to Alicia, her green eyes reddened from crying and her lip busted open.