William moved, nudging Mateo over, and I slid into the booth.
“You okay?” Gideon asked.
I felt the last few months, that was all they had asked me. “I will be.” Being around my mom was hard.
I was pleased she was no longer at the mercy of my dad, that I wouldn’t want for anything, but I didn’t really know what it would be like to have a mother. Drew was the closest I’d gotten. Now I was discovering all along she wanted to be my mom. Joan took care of me when I was first born, and only got Drew when Alexander’s controlling got more out of control. Kind of strange that my dad would want to control every element of people’s lives.
“How are you guys?” I asked. “I feel like I’ve been neglecting all of you.”
“We’re waiting. Hoping you’re doing well,” Mateo said.
“When all of this is over, I think I want to go to college to have a break from all the drama,” I said.
“The moment it is, we’re all going,” Gideon said.
I laughed.
I noticed William glaring at his bottle of water. Reaching out, I touched his hand. “You okay?”
He looked up, those green eyes of his staring right at me. His fingers turned and he touched mine with his. “More than fine now.”
We held hands and I smiled at him. Slowly, I saw the smile I had come to love and cherish return to his lips.
“That’s good. I was starting to worry.” I stood and kissed each of my guys on their lips, not caring who saw.
“You’re going to have the nurses all gossiping,” Dante said.
“Let them.”
“I heard they’ve got a bet going on for who she is dating,” William said.
“They do?” Mateo asked, glancing around. “Who is in the lead?”
“My ass is of course.” William blew a kiss to all the guys. “Sorry, you’re sore losers.”
I laughed. “I bet they’d all be shocked if they found out I was dating you all.”
My wedding band caught my attention. I had completely forgotten about the wedding, and I looked to Gideon, who chuckled.
“It has been a wild ride, huh?”
“Wild? Crazy, maybe. I just hope they catch my dad soon. This is all becoming too much.” I sipped at my coffee. “What were you guys talking about?”
“We are planning where we’re going to live when all of this is over,” William said.
He pulled out his cell phone, and one-handed, seeing as I had his other hand, he showed me what they’d been looking at. There were a couple of pretty houses and apartments.
“Which one do you like the most?” Gideon asked.
I put my finger to the screen, still holding William’s hand, and scrolled down, looking at all the houses they’d been checking out.
“This one. I like this one.” I pushed the phone back toward them.
It was a quaint five-bedroom house in the country, boasting an en-suite for each room, a large, lavish garden, and a pool.
To be honest, I would be happy to go wherever they went. With my coffee finished, I told them that as I left, heading back to my mother’s room.
As I got there, I heard Lucas inside, and I stopped, being careful not to be heard.
“My daughter hates me,” Joan said.
“Sian doesn’t hate you. She doesn’t … know you.”
“Please, you don’t have to be nice about it. Out of everyone here, you can at least give it to me straight. I can handle it.”
“I know you’re a strong person, Joan. Sian will come around.”
I didn’t know why Lucas thought he knew me enough to say that to her. I didn’t know what the hell I was doing when it came to my mom. My feelings were so conflicted between accepting her and rejecting her. I knew she was a victim and I hated myself for even doubting her.
“I … Drew told me that Sian would one day love me if I gave it a chance.” Joan sobbed. “I love my daughter so much. I didn’t want her to have this life, and he knew that, but like everything else, he did what he wanted and now, I, I know she hates me, Lucas. I see the way she looks at me, and it’s like she is seeing right through me.”
I folded my arms, and I hated hearing this.
“Joan, she has been through a lot. She lost her nanny, who she did consider a mother to her.” This caused a cry to come from Joan. “I know you hate to hear it, but it happened.”
“Alexander did all of this. For four years, I got to see her. She loved me, Lucas. I remember those days so well. He was never around, and I got to love my little girl. She was the reason I kept on living. In the morning, she’d come running into the bedroom, and she’d jump on the bed, screaming at me there was a bed monster. I’d grab her and tickle her. She would scream that she needed to go to the potty. I’d let her go. We’d go have breakfast together. I would cook her some banana pancakes.”
“I know you were vegan, Joan. Does she know that?”
This did surprise me as I thought Drew was vegan and I was pissing off my parents when I declared it.
“No. She doesn’t even know I’m vegan. Another element of control.”
“What do you mean?”
“Alexander … one night after Sian turned four, he came home from the office and I guess he’d lost a big case. I don’t know what it was, and to be honest, I didn’t care. I hated him when he came home. I didn’t want him around me or my daughter. He told me to eat meat. He’d gotten the chef to cook this huge platter of meat and eggs, and fish. He told me if I didn’t eat them, he’d wake Sian up, and each time I refused, he’d hit her. He told me he would make my daughter hate the very sight of me if I didn’t do what he wanted me to.”
I didn’t know about that.
“So I did. I ate the meat for him and he laughed. He told me what a worthless piece of shit I was. How my daughter was going to hate me anyway. She wouldn’t know what I’d done for her.” Joan cried out. “He was right. Sian hated me. She doesn’t know that whenever I could, I tried to make it right for her. I wanted her to have the best life. She is the best part of me.”
Tears filled my eyes as I heard the pain in her voice.
“I love her so much, Lucas, and she looks at me like I’m the enemy.”
“She is hurting as well.”
“I know. I know. He’s a fucking monster.”
I couldn’t take anymore, so I rounded the door, walked into my mom’s room, and went straight up to her.
Wrapping my arms around her thin body, I held her tightly to me, wanting her to know that even though I had so many issues, in my way, I did love her.
“Sian?” Joan asked.
“I love you, Mom. I do love you.”
“You heard?”
“Yeah, I did.”
“You weren’t supposed to hear that.”
“He has taken so much from us already. Don’t let him take any more. We’re strong together,” I said.
“I love you, Sian. I will always love you.”
I believed her. How could I not? I had no doubt there were more stories for her to tell. More emotional as well as physical scars for her to share that had everything to do with the son of a bitch who called himself my dad.