“My ass.”
That grin of his I wish I didn’t like so much makes its first appearance for the day. “Bingo. But besides that, it’s the way you call me on my shit. Promise me you’ll never stop doing that.”
“You know I won’t. Now, answer my question.”
He drains his glass and places it in the sink. “I’m regularly getting about four hours a night.”
“That’s less than you used to get.” And that’s saying something because he only ever used to get about five.
He nods. “Yeah. I’m working on it.”
“How?”
He smiles but doesn’t say anything.
“What?” I demand, motioning at that smile. “What’s that smile about?”
He moves closer to me. “Even when you’re doing your damnedest to not be my friend, and to keep me at arm’s length, and to not care too much, there you are caring and looking out for me.” He comes really close. Too close. And he gives me those beautiful eyes of his in the most intimate of ways. “I fucked up, Jessica. If I could go back and change it all, I would.”
I was not prepared for this conversation, and certainly not so early in the day. I swallow down my heart. The one that’s quickly picking up speed. At least, I try to. She’s a stubborn, demanding bitch, though, and she doesn’t want to be pushed aside for anything. Not after all these years of being denied. “That’s the thing about fucking up. You can’t go back and change it.”
He continues giving me those eyes. “No, but I can rebuild it.”
For a woman who has worked hard to manage her headspace and her desires, I’m doing a bad job at both those things right now. That’s because after all these years of dictating to my heart what she should want, she’s staging a rebellion.
I shake my head. “You can’t. You threw away what we had, and when you throw something away, you can’t get it back.”
“That is true. I agree. But new foundations can be poured and built upon. Tell me you believe that.”
I stare up at him, my heart beating wildly, threatening to assume control and trample all over my common sense. “I don’t.”
His eyes search mine. I want to rip them from his head so I never have to be tempted by them again. “I’m going to do whatever it takes to show you I can be the man you need me to be.”
My head finally takes control of the situation, locking my heart back up. As much as I might still love this man, I can’t give him the power to break me again. “No, Jack. The man I need is one who has never betrayed me. You can’t undo what’s already been done.”
With that, I place my glass in the sink and exit the kitchen. I’m fully awake now, but not in a good way. I’m awake in the ‘I’m gonna need a long run, a lot of coffee, and to kick a shitload of ass’ way. And since Jack’s the one here with me, he’s looking like a good candidate for all that ass kicking.
14
Jack
Jessica has her ball-busting pants on today. In fact, she has multiple pairs on.
Whereas she’s spent most of this week trying to separate us by evicting me from the house every chance she’s had, today she keeps finding reasons for us to come together.
She wasn’t pleased with my declaration this morning. The one in which I told her I intend on winning her back. She spent the hour and a half we ran alternating between silence and bossing me into an array of things including cleaning my gutters, mowing, hunting spiders, bathroom renovation plans, and finding a hobby to take up. Then, after she showered and ate breakfast, she got to work at the dining table and carried on with her bossiness. I’ve been sitting outside going through Rose’s list of manager candidates and checking my emails for the past two hours, and Jessica has come out here four times with new orders for me. This last directive has me more amused than I have been in a long time. Not because of what it is, but rather because it’s more than clear I’m stuck on repeat in her brain. As much as she doesn’t want to admit it, I’m affecting her.
Arching her brows at me, she places her hand on her hip. “Well? And stop with that smiling all over the damn place. No one here is into you and your smile.”
I place my phone on the table and try hard to wipe the smile from my face, but I can’t. “I beg to differ, gorgeous.”
Still with the brows arched, she snaps, “I’m still waiting for an answer, Jack.”
“The answer is no. I’m not in the mood to renovate the bathroom at the moment.” She came out here with a hand-drawn diagram of how she thinks the bathroom she’s using should be renovated. She also texted me numerous options for tiles, showers, and vanities.
“If you select everything you want, I can order it all for you today. You could start work as soon as I leave on Saturday.”
“I don’t want to start work on it on Saturday.”
“You need things to keep you occupied.”
“Trust me, I have a thousand things to do that.”
“What?”
“Hunting spiders, for one.”
She rolls her eyes. “I’m being serious, Jack.”
“Oh, so you weren’t being serious earlier when you ordered me to kill all the spiders on my property?”
“I was being deadly serious, and you should get onto that this afternoon. After you decide on bathroom fittings.”
“Should I take care of the spiders before the gutters or after?”
Her lips flatten and she eyes my phone. “What have you been doing out here all morning?”
“I’ve been trying to narrow down my choices for a new manager.”
That appears to surprise her, but she moves right along as if it doesn’t. “Have you been successful?”
“Not particularly.”
“Why not?”
I bring my hands to the back of my neck and rest my head in them. “What are you doing thirty days from now?”
“Did I just miss part of this conversation? I could swear I just asked you a question that required an answer.”
“And I’m answering it.”
“My brain still has trouble keeping up with your conversations at times. I didn’t hear an answer.”
“So? Thirty days from now?”
“Honestly, Jack, I barely know what I’ll be doing five days from now, let alone thirty. Where are you going with this?”
“That’s bullshit. You live by your routine and a schedule that no one except Ashton gets to interfere with.” I drop my arms back down and sit forward. “You know exactly what you’ll be doing five days from now.”
“I’m not the same girl you knew. You don’t know what I do with my life these days.”
“I do, sweetheart. I know about it all.”
She stares at me, trying to keep her face clear of emotion and failing. Jessica is good at keeping a blank face with everyone but me. I’ve always brought her emotions to the surface. “How do you know about it all?”
I stand. “I know all the important parts of your life for the past six years.”
“What? How?”