Mira: Honey, if you knew how many ‘showers’ I’ve taken this weekend, you’d know I don’t have the energy right now for another one.
Jessica: This is why I should never have children. They’ve depleted your energy reserves.
Mira: Tell me all the ways Jack is killing you.
Jessica: Jesus, the man just has to breathe to do that. This goes no further (ie. for the energy deprived mum in you who may need help decoding code, Will must never know of this) I almost kissed him yesterday.
Mira: HOLY FUCK KEEP TALKING.
Jessica: Olivia saved me. I love her even more than I already did.
Mira: I’m gonna need details.
Jessica: You always need details. Why are you such a girl?
Mira: Oh, it’s gonna be like this, is it?
Jessica: Like what?
Mira: You’re gonna do that thing you do when you don’t want to share your feelings with me, so you pretend to not be as girly as you really are. You forget we’ve been friends for ten years. You forget I know all about these games you play. SPILL.
Jessica: My eyes just rolled out of my head.
Mira: waiting…..
Jessica: Honestly, I’m taking you off my list of seven.
Mira: Honestly, my name is engraved on that list. You couldn’t remove me even if you tried.
Jessica: I had to work most of yesterday. Jack looked after the girls. And let me just say, between you and me, that he is far too good at looking after the girls. We shall never let him do it again, okay? Anyway, one thing led to another, and I forgot myself for a minute. I won’t make that mistake again.
Mira: Would it be a mistake?
Jessica: Jesus, this is why I have Will.
Mira: I know Jack hurt you, but I have to be honest and say I’ve never seen you as happy with anyone else as you were with him. People make mistakes, honey.
Jessica: Fool me twice, shame on me.
Mira: Oh shit, I have to go. Will’s finished in the shower. I just want you to be happy. Think about it xx
I place my phone down on the table.
Mira is clearly high on sex. She loved Jack and me together, and struggled to believe he cheated. Even when he never denied it, she still struggled to believe it.
Yes, people make mistakes. But I won’t be fooled twice.
“Auntie Jessica!” Olivia comes running. “Hurry up!”
I laugh as she crashes into my legs and climbs up onto my lap. “I’m hurrying.”
She sits with me and Jack while we finish our breakfast. He then refuses my help cleaning the kitchen, so I take the girls outside and spend half an hour lying on the grass with them searching for shapes in the sky. When Jack comes out, I go inside and take a shower, spending every second under the hot water clearing my brain of any thoughts about him that aren’t useful and filling it back up with helpful ones.
By the time I join Jack and the girls again, I feel back in control. There will be no more bewildering from Jack. Not even when he’s standing there looking at me like he’s calculated all the ways to take ownership of my heart again.
Nope, no more bewildering.
I will not be bewildered for another second today.
20
Jack
Jessica is highly fucking amusing today.
She woke late, which appeared to throw her. I’d been up since just before six with the girls and had spent three hours playing with them by the time she wandered out to the kitchen, trying to avoid making eye contact while simultaneously sneaking glances when she thought I wasn’t looking.
She was in a state of ‘what the actual fuck’ right up until the moment I left to visit Mum in the hospital. She did her level best not to be in that state but failed. I’m taking full credit for that, and fuck if that doesn’t make me a happy bastard.
I spent a few hours with Mum. She was disappointed not to see Jessica, but beside herself when she learned Jessica will be staying with me for longer. She ignored me when I told her not to let her imagination run wild, saying something to the effect of “Oh, Jack, that girl will marry you one day.”
My mother can be one of the most practical women on the planet but that doesn’t stop her from coming up with all sorts of fantasies that aren’t likely to eventuate. When people meet my father, they wonder where I get my idealistic tendencies from. When they meet my mother, it all makes sense.
I arrive back at Will and Mira’s place around 4:00 p.m. and find Jessica sprawled on the lounge room floor, surrounded by dolls, books, and other toys. Olivia is dressing one of the dolls, chattering on about something I can’t decipher straight away, while Hazel crawls all over Jessica, babbling about something that I’m also unable to translate.
Olivia glances up when I enter the room. “Jack!” She drops her doll and runs my way.
I lift her into my arms and ask, “What are you guys doing?” as Jessica angles her head to look at me.
Olivia’s tiny fingers grip my shirt. “We’re going to read. I want you to read.”
Jessica swings herself into a sitting position. “I agree. You should read.”
I smile at her. “Long day?”
Her eyes widen a little and she nods. “I need a caffeine hit. Why didn’t you bring me some? And why didn’t you bring cake? You know I love cake.”
It’s not often Jessica gets needy, but fuck, I love it when she does.
I look at Olivia. “Do you have Milo?”
She looks at me like I just asked the dumbest question. “Yes, silly.”
I chuckle. “Okay, how about you and I go and make drinks for everyone?”
This gets her excited. She bounces in my arms. “Yes. Drinks!”
With one last look at Jessica who has that ‘I fucking love you even though I don’t want to’ glint in her eyes, I take Olivia into the kitchen and get to work. I’ve got girls to look after.
“I’m hungry,” Jessica says just before 9:30 p.m. as I unlock my front door when we arrive home from Sydney.
I push the door open and stand back to let her in. “What do you want, sweetheart?” She’s exhausted after a huge weekend, and while she’s seemed perplexed by her own actions today, she’s allowed me to take charge of everything.
“Toast.”
“Okay, you go and take your shower. I’ll make toast.”
“With honey?”
“I wouldn’t dream of putting anything else on it.” Jessica’s go-to when she’s tired and whiny is toast with honey.
Her eyes find mine. “You remembered?”
“I remember everything.” I step closer, bringing my hand to her face so I can slide her hair behind her ear. “You’re not the kind of woman a man easily forgets, Jessica.”
Her breathing slows as she searches my eyes. “You need to forget me, Jack.”
“That’s not an option.”
“You need to make it an option.”
This is a conversation I want to have with her, but not when she’s this exhausted.
“Go and have your shower. We’ll talk about this tomorrow.”
“There’s nothing to talk about.”
She’s wrong and she knows it, but I don’t want to ruin the easy mood we’ve had tonight, so I don’t argue. Instead, I lift my chin at her and say, “Go. I’ll have toast ready for you when you get out.”