Arzaleya’s expression turned solemn. “Yes, we think the same there.” She held out her arm.
Aodhan had never before touched her, but today, he grasped the other angel’s forearm in the way of warriors. It was the beginning of his good-bye to China, but there was still much to do until his departure, and he got on with it.
“Why are you planning on leaving right after we reach the coast?” Illium demanded when he shared his plans that night, while they stood in the privacy afforded by the dark—and by the wall of trees behind which they’d stopped to speak. “Suyin will need help with building, everything else.”
“Because you can’t have two seconds.” Neither Suyin nor Arzaleya had made any demand of him, but that was because they trusted in his heart and in his intellect. “Right now, I’m the one everyone turns to instinctively. Only once I’m not here will Arza have a chance to grow into her position.”
Illium gave a grudging nod. “Yeah, I can see that. What about me? Raphael sent me to assist Suyin.”
Aodhan gripped the arch of Illium’s left wing, ran his hand down the curve in a touch of stunning intimacy between angels. Illium flushed, ducked his head a little, and when he looked up, his eyes were wild gold. “Aodhan.”
“I don’t want to be apart from you.” Aodhan’s journey was far from over, but one thing he knew: he wanted to do it with Illium by his side. “But we can’t be selfish. China has borne so much, needs help. I believe Suyin will want you to stay behind, help with the build.”
Jaw tense, Illium nonetheless nodded. Because he was a warrior. Because he had honor. Because he was Aodhan’s Blue, the most unselfish angel Aodhan had ever known.
“What am I going to do with you?” Aodhan murmured, overwhelmed by tenderness. “You and that heart of yours really need a damn keeper.”
A playful smile that did nothing to hide the depth of Illium’s emotions. “Do I hear you volunteering?”
Aodhan thought of the metal disk in Illium’s pocket, of the way Kai watched him, of the centuries Illium had carried that particular torch. Then he thought: Fuck it, Kaia and her damn doe-eyed descendant can fuck right off. What he felt for Illium? It was a thing of eternity and forever, and he wasn’t about to step back and be self-sacrificing.
If Kai wanted him, she’d have to fight Aodhan.
Shifting until their boots touched and their body heat warmed the winter air, he cupped the side of Illium’s face and said, “No, I’m not volunteering,” in a voice gritty with need and hard with confidence. “The position is already mine.”
Then he kissed Illium.
Kissed him hard and deep, his hand fisted in the silken blue-tipped black of his hair and his wings wrapped around him. Kissed him until Illium groaned and grabbed fistfuls of the back of his shirt.
Pushing his back up against a tree, Aodhan braced one arm over Illium’s head while spreading his wings to block out the night, and he kept on kissing him. It should’ve been awkward, new, but it wasn’t. It was the most perfect kiss in all his existence. Because it was Illium.
His body was all sleek muscle and strength, his lips softer than Aodhan could’ve guessed, the taste of him as familiar as his laughter. Aodhan swore he could taste Illium’s joy in his kiss and it filled him up and made him voracious at the same time. He gave back as much as he took, wanting Illium to remember this, remember them.
Breathless in the aftermath, both their chests heaving, he pressed his forehead to Illium’s and said, “I’m never letting you go.”
All my loves leave me in the winter snow.
—Illium
50
When, all too soon, the time came for Aodhan to fly home, it was Illium who walked him to the beach area from which he intended to take flight. It was Illium who hugged him tight and whispered, “I’ll fucking miss you,” in his ear.
Face pressed to the side of his, Aodhan wrapped Illium up in his wings, suddenly terrified of leaving him in this land yet full of deadly mysteries. “You’ll be careful? Promise me. No racing off to explore interesting things. Who’s going to spoil your temperamental cat if you’re gone?”
Illium’s breath on the skin of his neck as he huffed. “I’m not an idiot.” It was a mutter, but he continued to hold on. “Am I allowed to ask you to be careful on the trip home? I’m not being overprotective,” he added quickly. “You’re exhausted, Adi. We just arrived here yesterday, and you shouldn’t really be going on such a long flight—”
“I’m heading to Amanat,” Aodhan interrupted, having intended to share that with Illium before being distracted by his worry. “Suyin spoke to Lady Caliane just before, arranged it.” His former archangel had hugged him, too, tears in her eyes. “I’ll stay there some days.”
“Oh. Good.” Illium’s arms turned bruisingly tight before he pulled away.
Aodhan had to force himself to let go. Of all the people in his eternity, it was Illium whose touch reached into the deepest, darkest places in his soul, bringing with it light and hope and all the vivid brightness that made him a favorite of so many.
But it was Aodhan he called his best friend.
And Aodhan whose hair he gripped as he pressed a hard kiss to Aodhan’s lips. It was over too fast, Illium stepping back with the jerky movements of a man who didn’t trust himself close. They’d barely touched the edge of this new horizon between them, and already, it was a thing of potent power.
Wings backlit by the rising sun, Illium swallowed. “I’ll see you in New York.”
A lump in his throat, Aodhan nodded. “New York.” It came out a rasp, his emotions choking him.
That playful smile a little shaky at the edges, Illium said, “Don’t get blinded by the big city excitement and forget me.”
Aodhan couldn’t speak, his throat all but closed up. Never, he managed to say mind-to-mind. Then he spread his wings and took flight, but he looked back again and again . . . and the dot of blue on the sands, it never moved.
Illium, watching him fly away.
The image haunted him during his sojourn in Amanat. It wasn’t that he and Illium had never been apart before this past year. They were warriors and members of the Seven. Both of them had also worked as couriers in their youth. It wasn’t in their nature to cling to one another.
No, it was something about that particular good-bye that troubled him, but he didn’t understand what until the day Lady Caliane found him walking in the forest outside Amanat, the chattering monkeys of the local troop following along in the trees, and the wild horses shadowy ghosts in the mist.
Having not expected the archangel, Aodhan said, “Lady Caliane. Is something amiss?”