Caliane’s eyes—those extraordinary eyes she’d passed on to the archangel who was Aodhan’s sire—were ablaze with light, fierce with emotion. “You are in the same time and place, able to hold on to each other, uplift each other. Do not squander that prize, young Aodhan.”
Aodhan felt an almost uncontrollable urge to take flight, return to China. But to do that would be to go against the unspoken wishes of an archangel. “I need to go back, need to find a way.” He’d ask Suyin; she wouldn’t deny him, even if it threw a wrench in the smooth transition of seconds.
“Oh, you young ones. Always moving before you think.” A faint affectionate smile. “This is a new realization for you, a new understanding. Let it settle. Think on what it means—and ask yourself if you can be the friend he needs.”
Aodhan flinched as if struck.
But Caliane was shaking her head. “I say this not as an indictment, but as advice. In all the times you’ve come to Amanat, including all the short runs you did to deal with important tasks for Suyin, I see a growing fierceness of independence in you—you don’t even like it when my maidens dare bring you trays of food.”
Heat burned his cheeks. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude.”
“You never were,” Caliane said. “That doesn’t mean my maidens are not clever and able to work such things out on their own. They had no idea what to do about a visiting angel who wanted no assistance whatsoever, approached me for advice for they know you are dear to my own son. I told them to let you be and treat you as a resident rather than a guest, that you’d find your own way to food and supplies.”
Aodhan hadn’t even noticed the subtle change in how the people of Amanat treated him. “Thank you, Lady Caliane.”
“You have stood beside my son with fidelity and courage. That matters a great deal to a mother.” She began to walk again, and because he was lost, he fell in with her. A wild horse materialized out of the mist at that very instant, and she stroked its dark flank as they walked.
“My friend Sharine is also generous of heart.” An incredible depth of warmth in Caliane’s tone. “She gives without fear, without compunction. I think her son has inherited this tendency. Can you accept him giving to you? Or will you break his heart by insisting he not care for you in the way that is his?”
Aodhan thought of the care packages that had made him feel suffocated and trapped, suddenly wanted to gather each and every one close to him, hold on like a miser. But—“Care is one thing, but he can be protective beyond reason, and I can’t be protected anymore.” It would tear open barely healed things inside him.
“Is there no middle ground?” Caliane asked, then held up a hand. “Do not answer me now. This is what I mean when I say you should fly home and think.” Power pulsed off her now, a vastness of age and strength, but that wasn’t what held him in place. No, it was the wisdom in eyes that had seen more yesterdays than he could imagine.
“Look into your future, young Aodhan, and ask yourself if you want to hold on—or set him free. Because if he is like Sharine, then he won’t let go even if you hurt him—not unless you do an act of cruelty akin to Aegaeon’s. My friend’s heart is too generous and it’s a beautiful flaw that she’s bestowed onto her son.”
“Eh-ma has changed,” he pointed out.
“Yes.” Caliane’s smile held pure delight. “She is glorious, is she not? It gives me much pleasure to watch her confound Titus and even more pleasure to see her bloom ever brighter. But I think her boy walks a different path.”
Her smile faded, and she patted a good-bye to the horse, who ambled off to rejoin his brethren. “I would be sad to see his joy diminished—but at times, a short, sharp pain is better than drawn-out suffering.” She looked up at the canopy, a woman astonishing in her beauty, her eons of life a pressure against his skin, and her insight an echo in his head.
When she spread her wings, he said nothing, just watched her rise into the air . . . and he thought of Illium, and of the brutal collision of their competing needs. Could Aodhan let him go? Did he want to let him go?
“No.” A single hard word. Because Illium was the most important person in Aodhan’s universe, a man without whom Aodhan’s future would be a desolate wasteland. Even at his angriest and most distant, he’d never imagined eternity without Illium.
But his wasn’t the only heart on the line. For that was the other question Lady Caliane had asked of him: Did Aodhan need to let Illium go for Illium’s sake?
He shuddered, his wings drooping to scrape the damp, snow-dusted forest floor.
Who’d look out for Illium if Aodhan wasn’t there? Who’d hold him when no one else even knew he was hurting? Who’d cherish him for both his gifts and his flaws?
No, Aodhan had to figure a way forward into a future where neither one of them ended up fractured and lost.
Time passes like an inexorable river, bringing change with it.
—Archangel Suyin
51
Illium ran into Kai on his way back from the beach, where he and Smoke had gone for an early morning amble to shake themselves awake. Caught up in the endless work of building a new citadel—and using the work to stop missing Aodhan so much—he hadn’t had a chance to speak to her except for the odd fleeting greeting.
The morning light was a glow behind her, and she had a brightness to her step, her smile pure happiness. His heart hurt, she reminded him so much of Kaia, young and awash in a vivid delight in life.
“Illium,” she said, a small basket held to her side. “You’ve been to the water?”
Illium inclined his head, and as he did so, he caught the haunted, besotted look shot Kai’s way by a young man unloading equipment to the right. “An admirer?” he asked gently.
Her eyes sparkled. “He has asked me to be his wife. We’ve known each other many years.” Affection, perhaps even love in her tone . . . and yet Illium knew that he could have her if he pushed the merest fraction.
It had nothing to do with ego. It was the fact he was an angel. There were very few mortal women who’d turn down an angel. He could have her, and perhaps, if she proved compatible with the toxin that turned mortals into vampires, she could be forever by his side. If not, he could still cherish her for all her mortal years, their lives entwined and memories of shared joy her legacy.
But when Kai smiled and walked off to join her admirer, Illium didn’t stop her. The mortal male’s relief was a dazzling gratefulness, his love for Kai a shining glow, and Illium could’ve told himself that he’d chosen the noble path—but it was far more complicated than that.
Bending down, he petted Smoke, then the two of them headed off to breakfast.