And thanks for slamming that last nail in on the coffin of my principles. I think it’s safe to lower them into the ground now.
“Yeah. Same.”
He waved. “I gotta get back to Alex. You have a good night.”
Once I heard his footsteps fade, I turned the lock on the door. Can’t be too careful. I wouldn’t be surprised if he came back and opened without knocking next time. Then I went to the bathroom and gently opened the door.
“He’s gone.”
Presley nodded. Her hands were shaking.
“Did you hear?”
She nodded again. “I’m not sure what I feel worse about, the fact that I can’t keep away from you and we almost got caught making out, or that I made you lie to your brother.”
I dragged a hand through my hair. “It’s a fucked-up situation.”
She frowned. “It is. And I’m so sorry you’re in the middle of things between me and Tanner.”
“You didn’t put me here. It takes two, and I wanted it as much as you, if not more.”
She shook her head. “I should go before he looks for me again.”
Normally when she had doubts, I didn’t let her walk away without trying to convince her things would work out. But I didn’t have the energy at the moment. Or maybe this was the first time I’d started to think maybe they wouldn’t…
***
The next day, my brother appeared at the entrance to my bedroom as I was folding my laundry.
“Hey, dude. Does this tie look stupid with this shirt?” he asked.
Tanner wore a blue dress shirt, with a maroon tie hanging off his shoulder.
“No, it looks fine.” I gave him a once-over. “Where you going all dressed up?”
“I have an interview.”
“An interview? Where?”
“Pinehurst has an opening for a football coach. So I threw my hat into the ring, and they called me.”
Pinehurst was a small college two towns over. It hadn’t occurred to me that Tanner might be considering locating here permanently, even though I probably should have known with the way he’d been acting lately.
“Why would you want that job? I thought you were liking the agent gig.”
“I only have a few clients right now. I can easily swing both for a while. If it turns out I can’t, I’ll just focus on the coaching. I’m not crazy about travel. And if I want to get serious about settling down and being here for Alex, I need to find something more stable anyway.” He knotted his tie. “You don’t think it’s a good idea?”
I tried to think about the kind of advice someone would give his brother if that someone didn’t have an ulterior motive. The coaching position sounded like a dream job for someone in his situation. If I steered him away from it, that would be for my own selfish reasons—not wanting him near Presley. And that wasn’t fair to him or Alex.
“No. I think the coaching job would be a good thing for you, if you’re looking to settle in Beaufort,” I forced out.
“Yeah, me too. I really hope I get it. I’m also eager to get back on the playing field. Football is still in my blood, and this’ll be one way to get my feet wet again without having to play, which I obviously can’t do. It’s the perfect opportunity for me.”
I sucked in some air. “Well, I hope you get it, then.”
Tanner examined my face. “Are you okay?”
No, in fact. Not at all. Apparently, I must not have been doing that great of a job of pretending like I was happy for him. “Why do you ask?”
He leaned against the wall and crossed his arms. “I’ve been getting a strange vibe from you since the moment I arrived. And then the way you’ve been drinking… Well, I know a thing or two about addiction.”
I had been throwing back a few too many lately, but that was directly related to him being here and nothing more; I couldn’t exactly admit that.
“There’s nothing to the drinking. I’m…just going through my own shit, you know? You’re not the only one reassessing your life these days.”
He shook his head. “God, I feel like such a crappy brother. I’ve done nothing but unload all of my stuff on you since the second I arrived, and I haven’t bothered to stop long enough to figure out that you’re not okay.”
Sure. He’s the crappy brother.
My damn emotions were all over the place. One second I wanted to tell him about Presley and me in order to stake my claim, and the next, I wanted to protect my baby brother from ever finding out. The latter was where I stood at the present moment.
He made it worse when he said, “Listen, I have to apologize to you, Levi.”
I held out my palm. “No, you don’t.”
“Yes, I do.” He sighed. “I’ve intentionally alienated myself from you over the years because I couldn’t handle your success. I’m your freaking brother. You don’t do that to your only sibling—erase him from your life because you can’t seem to be happy for him. My therapist has helped me learn that your success has nothing to do with my lack of it. You deserve every one of your wins. I’m sorry I was insecure for so many years, and that I wasted precious time I could’ve spent cheering you on from the sidelines. That’s where I should’ve been all along, not off in my own world with my head stuck up my ass. I—”
“Tanner, stop.” The guilt inside of me felt like it was overflowing and about to burst. “I always understood why you stayed away. I don’t blame you for any of it and can’t say I would’ve acted any differently if I were you.”
“You know,” he said. “It hit me on the plane ride down here. Dad and Gramps are both gone. You and I—we’re the only Millers left besides Alex. That’s a big responsibility. We should be setting an example that family sticks together no matter what. It’s not too late to do that.”
“Yeah, well, it takes two. I haven’t exactly been there for you either.”
“No, but you’ve been there for my son as of late. I want to thank you for that. And you at least made an effort to reach out to me these past few years while I’ve alienated you. I’m the one responsible for our relationship turning sour. But I’m not hiding anymore, and I want to do better.”
At a loss, I nodded and bit my lip.
“So, you don’t want to tell me what’s going on with you?” he prodded.
Tanner’s seemingly genuine interest in wanting to help me with my “problem” was like salt in my guilty wound. What had been so clear to me yesterday seemed like an impossibility now. Had I been crazy for thinking I could start a life with Presley with no serious repercussions?
“I’m a little lost right now,” I finally said. “I thought I loved my life until I came back here and realized everything that was missing from it. You could say I’m working things out in the same way you seem to be trying to.”
My brother nodded. “Maybe all of this is just a reflection of us getting older,” he said. “You start to see things more clearly, including the mistakes you’ve made. I’m realizing just how much being stuck in my own head has cost me. But I’m determined to get it all back, Levi. Not only my son’s trust, but Presley’s too. I love that woman. Never stopped. I just didn’t know how to be the man she deserved. I truly feel like I’ve changed, that I’m ready to be that man.”