I stayed silent, barely remembering to breathe.
“I don’t want to be that single guy anymore, Presley. I want a family. And not just any family—my family. You and Alex. You’re the only family I have, and the only one I will ever want.”
My head felt like it was spinning. While I’d known Tanner was trying to get back in my good graces and had been somewhat flirtatious, I hadn’t truly believed he wanted us to get back together.
He had no clue just how complicated things were.
“I don’t know what to say,” I managed.
“Are you seeing someone?” he asked.
I skirted his question. “Tanner, I don’t see the two of us ever getting back together.”
“Why are you shutting the door on the possibility?”
“I’ve grown. I’m a different woman than I used to be. I know more about myself and what I want. Not to mention, we just didn’t work.”
“We did work before I fucked everything up. Please try to remember that. There was a time when you loved me. And I’ve never stopped loving you.”
My only response to that was to down the rest of my wine. I could have lied and told him I didn’t want a relationship with anyone. But that wasn’t the truth. Telling him the actual truth—that I was only interested in a relationship with the other Miller—wasn’t an option. And knowing Tanner had spoken to Levi about me this morning explained Levi’s disappearing act. That made me even more scared of what might have been running through Levi’s head today.
“You know what?” Tanner said after a moment. “I can be patient. This conversation was more about me stating my intent. I don’t expect you to take me back right now or even respond to any of this. But I want to let you know how serious I am. I’m here for Alex and you, Presley. I don’t plan to see anyone else, even if you’re telling me you won’t give me a chance. I’m choosing to hold out hope, and I want to save myself for you.”
That’s insane. “You’re setting yourself up for disappointment, Tanner.”
I did wonder what my reaction to this would have been if Levi and I hadn’t happened. Even though Tanner had given me many reasons not to trust him, I did feel like he was being genuine right now. Was it possible he had changed and was as determined to get me back as he claimed? Maybe. Might I have caved and been open to giving him another chance if things were different? I couldn’t rule out that possibility. But the reality was, I had changed. I couldn’t erase what I’d learned about my wants and needs over the past couple of months with Levi, who’d made me feel things I’d never experienced. It was that fire I longed for. Even if things were about to end with Levi and me, because of him, I would always know what that level of passion felt like. And I knew I deserved that, which was certainly more than what Tanner had to offer.
“Like I said…” He took my glass and poured me more wine. “I don’t expect you to be open to this yet. I’m just letting you know I’m not going anywhere this time.”
I shook my head. “Please continue to focus on Alex and not me. I’m not interested in anything more than improving our relationship as co-parents. That’s definitely something I’d be open to working on.”
“We’ll start there.” He winked. “But I’m still gonna hold out hope.”
The tension remained thick as we stayed on the porch and made small talk after Tanner’s revelation.
He then told me to stay and relax while he went to pick up Alex at his friend’s house and suggested the three of us eat supper together. But instead, I asked if he’d be willing to handle dinner with his son while I ran some errands. He agreed, and after he left to get Alex, I grabbed my keys.
Once I got into my car, I pulled up Levi’s name on my phone.
Presley: Tell me where you are. I’m coming to you.
CHAPTER 23
* * *
Levi
Candy wrappers covered the end table by my bed. I had this nervous habit of pigging out on hotel vending-machine junk when stressed. I had no idea how long I’d be staying here, but I needed to be somewhere other than The Palm Inn. Not wanting to deal with questions about this fucked-up situation, I couldn’t go to my mother’s either.
After Presley’s text, I did tell her where I’d checked in, and now she was headed over here. As much as I dreaded what we’d inevitably talk about, I ached to see her. Excitement ricocheted through my body, as it always did when I knew we’d be alone together, except this time it was bittersweet.
The TV was on, but I couldn’t have told you what was showing as I paced back and forth. I didn’t know what was worse: the guilt or the jealousy.
This wasn’t how everything was supposed to go down. I wasn’t supposed to care so damn much about my estranged brother. But something had changed with Tanner. And I couldn’t ignore it. Knowing that he genuinely seemed to regret his actions over the years made it much harder to disregard his feelings, like I’d planned. Now I was second-guessing everything. Hadn’t he lost enough when his career ended? Didn’t he deserve a chance to have his family back? The problem was, his family now also felt like my family. And I didn’t want to give up Presley and Alex. How do you choose between the woman of your dreams and your brother? Is blood automatically thicker than water? I honestly didn’t have the answer, but losing either of them didn’t seem like an option.
Presley was dead set against Tanner ever finding out about us, and I was starting to agree with her, even if I’d been adamant about telling him the truth just a day ago. If he could never find out, how the hell did Presley and I stand a chance? We couldn’t hide forever. My stomach churned. It seemed more and more like this decision was being made for us. I just couldn’t accept it.
There was a knock at the door.
I opened to find Presley standing there in a short, flowery dress and denim jacket. Her eyes were filled with worry, and despite all of this guilt, I wanted nothing more than to take her on this damn hotel room bed so we could drown our sorrows in each other.
“Why have you been avoiding me all day?” she asked as she stepped into the room.
“I’m sorry.”
Her chest heaved. “I know you and Tanner talked this morning.”
“Yeah. That’s why I left. It shook me.”
She nodded, looking down at her feet. “He told me he let you know he plans to try to get me back.”
I exhaled. “I’m glad you convinced me not to tell him about us. I don’t know what I was thinking. Now I realize it would devastate him.” Fighting the urge to pull her into my arms, I looked her up and down. “What else did he say to you?”
“He told me he wants to earn my trust back. He thinks we can get back together once that happens. He has no clue how complicated this situation is.”
Jealousy burned through my body. I looked up at the ceiling and shook my head. “Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
“Would you consider taking him back if you and I had never gotten together?”
She paused. “I honestly don’t think so. But it’s hard to say, given that I would probably be a different person altogether right now if we hadn’t happened. But we did happen. I know now that I deserve better. And the way you treat me is the way I want to be treated. I’ve never wanted anyone like I want you, Levi. I can’t just forget about us. At the same time, I don’t want him to find out.” Her voice cracked. “It’s messed up.”