“I’m not sure.”
“See, that right there is the problem. If you don’t know, then the answer is no.”
My shoulders fall. Dang it, she’s right again. “Do you ever get tired of being right?”
She thinks about it. “Not so far.”
I don’t make the same mistake twice. No siree, I do not. This time, I wait inside the house until the Uber I ordered to go to the fair pulls up and parks. Then I make a mad dash for it.
Throwing open the door, I jump in the back seat and startle the driver. “Drive! Go, go, go!” I strongly encourage at a very high volume, higher than absolutely necessary. When he doesn’t immediately floor it, I add waving at him. “Gooooo.”
He hits the gas and the car fishtails, shooting down the driveway. No Shane in sight, but it’s dark out tonight with the storm brewing and I don’t trust him not to be lurking somewhere. Which means I trust him to lurk. The man has got lurking down pat.
“You okay, lady?” The driver glances in the rearview mirror at me, expression concerned.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Why?” Then it dawns on me. “Oh. Oh, no, I wasn’t being held against my will or anything. There’s a guy…” I exhale tiredly. “He’s… he’s very bossy and doesn’t like me having fun, so he insists on coming with me on the very few occasions I do go out, and then he cockblocks me––”
“Your husband?” he asks with an accent I can’t place.
“My husband? No, not my husband.” I snort. “I’m not trying to cheat on my husband. I’m trying to find a husband.”
“Ohhh, haha.”
“Yes, haha. It’s not easy.”
“You are pretty woman. Cannot be hard.”
“What’s your name?”
“Yashar.”
“It’s nice to meet you, Yashar.”
“Nice to meet you.” He smiles at me in the mirror and I can see he’s young, in his early twenties.
“Not a lot of men want to settle down and have a big family these days, you know,” I continue on my rant. He did nothing to deserve this, but I don’t feel like stopping. “They want to have fun, and travel, and rifle through their choices.”
We finally reach the entrance of the fairgrounds, the sky lit up with the reflection of the light on the rides. They used to have fireworks displays, but they’ve been canceled with the threat of fires they pose.
“Do you have a girlfriend?” I find myself asking him. The pathetic is strong tonight.
“Yes, I’m married. I have two children. Boy and a girl.”
I’m on the verge of tears.
“That is wonderful. Good for you. Well, thanks for the ride.” I hop out, feeling worse about myself than I did before. All in all, not such a great start to the evening.
What does one do when one is in a generally crappy mood and one needs to feel better? One goes looking for sugar.
The first food booth I want to hit up is the funnel cake booth. These are not your ordinary funnel cakes. It’s Ojai, which means they’re gourmet.
I think about going to see Johnny first and sussing out whether we could be a thing, but I should probably do it in a better state of mind. It wouldn’t be fair to him otherwise.
On the way to stuffing my face, I run into Brandon, my farrier. He’s an amazing person. Dry sense of humor. Huge heart. So patient with all my scared babies. He’s also married with three kids. I joke that if they finally decide to clone people like they clone sheep and expensive polo ponies, I am signing up for a first-generation Brandon clone.
“Bluebird,” he drawls standing in line with his daughter to ride the tea cup ride.
“Brandon Markey, what trouble are you stirring up at the fair?” I turn my attention to his eleven-year-old daughter who’s a frequent guest at the rescue. “Hi, Darla.” She waves and smiles with crooked teeth. She’s so adorable she makes me yearn.
“How’s Legend?” Darla asks.
“Getting stronger every day. He’s put on about five hundred pounds already. You should come and see him next time your dad comes to do his feet.”
“Hey, listen,” Brandon says, leaning in. “Keep your eyes and ears open tonight. I saw a couple of guys carrying, and although it could be nothing, it’s better you know.”
“What do they look like?” I suddenly hear, a deep, bossy rasp coming from somewhere over my shoulder.
Brandon isn’t fazed by anything, and he’s definitely not fazed by Shane.
“Hessians––motorcycle gang,” Brandon tells him.
“I saw a couple in town a week ago.”
“I’ve seen you at the ranch, right?” Brandon asks, extending a hand to greet Shane like a normal person. “Hi, Brandon Markey.”
Shane shakes his hand. “Shane Hughes. Yeah, you have. You’re the farrier?”
“My dad does all the rescue animals at Mother Goose,” Darla chirps.
Shane smiles. His lips actually shape into a soft, genuine smile when he looks at Darla Markey, and I swear I almost get pregnant right there in the middle of the fairgrounds.
“Your dad’s a good man,” Shane tells her.
The line for the teacup ride moves and the Markeys are next. “Catch you guys later,” Brandon say. “Have a good time.”
“Bye, Darla. Have fun.” I wave.
“Say hi to Legend and Hazel for me,” Darla shouts as her father nudges her onto the ride.
“I will,” I shout back.
The silence is deafening. Shane stands next to me wearing a white t-shirt, dark jeans, and boots like he’s a throwback to 1950s movie icons and I’m starting to hate him for it.
“What are you doing here?”
“I came to the fair. It’s still a free country, isn’t it?”
“Depends on what you mean by free. Am I free to do whatever I want?”
“You are. And I’m free to make sure you do it safely.”
Oh, no. Not this again. I’m so hot I’m starting to sweat. Placing a hand on my forehead, I test the temperature. I take a deep breath.
“Look, Shane,” I start quietly. I don’t want to draw any attention to us. “I can appreciate what you’re trying to do here. I don’t want to argue or debate with you. I genuinely like you. You are a good man and I respect you. But this dance,” I motion with my finger between us, “is tiresome.
“I know you don’t want me.” I pause to hammer home the reality of this and find his face as opaque and hard to read as always. Nothing is getting through. “I get that you’re going through whatever you’re going through after the divorce. That you miss your ex-wife and probably still love her. I respect that… Now I need you to respect my wishes. I explained to you where I’m at. I don’t need a bodyguard. I need a… I need a friend and a lover. I need a partner. I need what I need. Have I sufficiently scared you? Can you go now?”
His gaze roams my face, taking in every detail. But I still have no idea what he’s thinking because he won’t let me see it. It’s infuriating.
“I’m not going anywhere, shirina.”
“I’m not your sweetheart.”