“Let’s get out of here,” he says.
Chapter 16
Once we get back to the Cobra and slip inside, we both sit quietly for a minute, getting our bearings. The parking lot emptied out at an alarmingly fast clip. We’re practically the last ones here.
“What happened?” I ask, my curiosity outweighing my concern.
I somehow feel like myself again. The person I was before the assault. Something happened to me tonight, snapping me back into place. It’s like my psyche got an adjustment. It does not look like Shane got the same benefit.
“Brandon was right. Hessians,” he tells me, staring straight ahead. His fingers stroke the bottom of the steering wheel. Strong hands, blunt long fingers. He won’t look at me and I have to wonder why. “Drug bust gone bad with undercover cops. One of them got shot in the stomach. It didn’t look good when I got there. He was bleeding out pretty quickly.”
“I could’ve helped.” Instinctively, I know I could have. No part of me feels scared or threatened anymore. And now that I think about it, I didn’t feel any anxiety when the shots rang out. That total calm that I’ve known most of my life is back. I’m liberated. I’m me again.
Shane shakes his head. “A miracle’s the only thing that could’ve helped that guy.”
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah.” He nods, but his demeanor doesn’t match his words. “Why did you and that guy call off the engagement?”
That guy? The question throws me for a loop. I have to think about how to explain.
“Looking back, we were wrong for each other. I would’ve probably stayed married to him, maybe unhappily, for the rest of my life… But then I got jumped and the rose-colored glasses came off. Hard times will do that to any relationship––make you see the best and the worst in people more clearly…”
He glances over at me in the dark and takes me in, looking at me as if he’s seeing me for the very first time.
“He didn’t want to touch me after… like I was damaged goods. I broke it off after a session with a therapist we were seeing. He said––and I’ll never forget this––he said, ‘at least you weren’t raped.’ I knew then that I had grossly misjudged him… Worst part is he made me doubt my own judgement.”
“No person should ever be the reason you doubt yourself.”
He starts the engine and we ride the rest of the short way home in silence. It’s a comfortable silence, though. Not like the last time when it was fraught with tension. I’m at peace with whatever happens between us. Tonight was a great reminder that you can’t control life. It’s going to be what it’s going to be.
He pulls the Cobra up to the guesthouse and kills the engine, the dark creating a cozy cocoon for two. Neither one of us makes a move to get out.
“What do you want, Shane?” I say cutting to the chase. “Because you run more hot and cold than a fever. And frankly, I’m sick of it.”
“You.” It comes out direct and clear. There’s no questioning what he meant.
“Me?” I turn to see his face, to confirm what I’m hearing, but what I get is his profile. I get his chin, his sharp jaw, the straight line of his nose. What I don’t get are his eyes. The windows to his soul.
He exhales and looks at me then. His eyes burning with pent-up frustration and lust, so much lust and greedy need that I want to reach out and touch his face and crawl onto his lap and give him everything he can’t ask for.
“I want you morning, noon, and night,” he rasps. “I want you when you’re being a pain in the ass, and I want you when you’re playing Frank Sinatra to a heartsick donkey… I want you so badly I can taste you in my dreams; I’ve fucked you so many times there I can’t even count. Don’t ever doubt whether I want you.”
I swallow, my skin burning hot all over, and an uncomfortable empty feeling growing between my legs. “So then why don’t you have me?”
“I don’t want to hurt you. Why do you think I’ve been trying so hard not to touch you?”
My temper spikes. I can’t with this horse crap anymore. “I didn’t take you for a coward.”
Throwing open the car door, I get out and march across the driveway in my messed up dress. The same dress that I’ll probably have to throw out due to another disastrous night in which I did not get laid. End of horror story.
I hear him coming before I can feel him. Less than a second later, he hauls me up in his arms and throws me over his shoulder. I have to slap a hand over my mouth to stop the yelp that could’ve woken Aidan and Mona. The last thing we need is nosy family getting involved.
A few ground-eating strides and he’s opening the door of the guesthouse. A few seconds more and he’s closing and locking it behind us. He places me down on my feet and mumbles, “I’m done doing the right thing.”
Taking my face in both hands, he kisses me. He pushes his way into my mouth with his tongue and does to it what I want him to do to the rest of me. Is this attraction rife with danger? Yes, it is. But what’s the alternative? Not seeing where this could lead?
“You’re the most beautiful and maddening woman I’ve ever met,” he grunts out between kisses. His hands stroke down my neck and grab on to the edge of my cardigan. He pulls it off my shoulders without an ounce of care. The frenzied kissing continues even as I grab the bottom of his t-shirt and rip it up. With his help, I manage to get it over his head. It falls to the floor on top of my cardigan.
“Gloves are off,” I hear him mutter.
This one’s chatty when he’s messing around and quiet when he’s not. Go figure.
I kiss him back, lifting my hips and wrapping my legs around his waist. It’s like throwing gasoline on a fire. The sexual tension is on the verge of exploding.
“Yes, da zrra qarara. Grind yourself against me,” he continues, sounding like he swallowed broken glass in a language I will never understand. Have mercy, it’s sexy, though. His warm, calloused hands slip easily under my dress and under my boy short panties. He cups my ass, squeezing the cheeks. Any harder and I’ll have bruises tomorrow.
Still kissing, he carries me to the bedroom and gently places me on the bed. It’s an unexpectedly sweet gesture. I was almost certain he was going to drop me on the mattress. I’m up on my elbows and he stops and looks down at me with wonder on in his eyes and a ghost of a smile on his face.
“Are you sure you want to do this with me?” he asks in that low, quiet rasp of his. “There’s no turning back after tonight.”
“You’re the only one I want to do this with, Shane. In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve been waiting a long time for you… No regrets, ever.”
And it’s true. I have never before felt this level of attraction in mind and body and spirit to another person. Whenever I’m with him, it’s like I’m an explorer. Sometimes he lets me see into his heart and mind. And sometimes I hit a dead end. But I’m always excited to learn more. I’m always excited to try again.
Taking one leg at a time, he grabs the heel of my red boot and slides it off my foot, dropping it on the floor. Then he rolls my ankle sock off and drops it next to the boot. He takes the other boot and sock and does the same.