Turning on his side, Shane places his hand on my flat belly. “Thank you for this,” he says in wonder. “How far along are you?”
“Ten weeks according to the doctor.”
“The feed room.” He grins broadly.
“Yep.”
His smile melts into reverence. “I’d be here on your doorstep like a stray animal every day even without the baby. Every time I hear your voice, when I see you smile, I think...” He stops and shakes his head.
“You think what?”
His cheeks flush. I’ve never once seen Shane look embarrassed. “Someone read my mind and made you for me.” He sighs. “What do you think, Blue? You think you can give me a few more chances to screw this up? Because I sure as hell need them.”
My heart is a ticking time bomb full of love for this man. I think about how we grew up and how different this child will have it. When has anyone ever put him first? When has anyone ever picked him?
“I pick you,” I whisper. “I’m in your corner. You’re the most important person to me.”
Our eyes connect. A million apologies in them. For the past and for the future.
“Come here,” he murmurs, the rasp extra raspy tonight. Then I let him wrap me in his arms and place sweet gentle kisses on my face.
Wild things can’t be domesticated. You have to love them for who they are.
Epilogue
“Are you ready?” I ask the bride who as usual is an hour late to her own wedding.
“Dios mios, you would think it’s a royal freaking wedding. Tita always say––”
“No, not today,” I cut in, shaking my head vigorously at Jess. Shrugging, she drains the rest of her non-alcohol beer in one gulp.
“Wait! I forgot my Kippy’s belt.” Mona rushes into her walk-in closet clutching the train of her red wedding dress and comes out wearing her signature silver belt around her waist.
Time to get this party started.
Holding my lower back, I push myself up off the stuffed armchair in her bedroom one small increment at a time. “If this kid doesn’t come out soon, I’m going to start stabbing people, starting with the one who did this to me,” I grumble as I head for the door.
“A few more weeks. You’re almost at the finish line,” Mona kindly reminds me.
“Remember when you said you wanted like… ten of them?” Jess chuckles––at my expense.
“I can’t wait until this happens to you. Man, revenge is going to taste soooo sweet.”
Jess isn’t showing yet, but we both know what’s coming for her.
We head downstairs to face a house crowded with family and friends, Mona waving and smiling like she’s the crown winner in the Miss USA pageant. This is the fifth time that Mona and Darby will renew their vows with a big party and there are no less people here today than there were five years ago when they first tied the knot.
Mona said they’ll continue to do it every year because ‘you just can’t know when you’ll see your beloved waiting at the end of that aisle for you for the very last time.’
I make it downstairs one slow step at a time––with the girth of an elephant you don’t have much choice––and scan for a head of thick brown hair threaded with silver rising above the rest. When I can’t find him inside, I search the back patio and… bingo.
He’s seated in one of the many white chairs on the bride’s side playing with our son, our daughter sitting next to him reading a book. Looking over his shoulder at me, a broad smile stretches across his stunning face. Time has been good to him, honing all that natural symmetry and balance into something more refined.
The Colonel smiles and laughs a lot these days. He still travels all over the world for book signings when his publisher demands it. And meets his brother on faraway sets when he misses him. But the bear roams less, happier to be surrounded by the chaos of our home. The center of his world.
Together we learned that your nature doesn’t have to determine your behavior if you don’t let it. Or your happiness. I let him roam and he lets me nest. He never tells me that we have too many animals to care for––or children. And I don’t try to domesticate him.
Mother Goose Rescue is stronger than ever, Hazel the mascot of our now much bigger operation. Mona sold half the ranch, a hundred acres, to us and we expanded the sanctuary, hired help, and opened it to the public. We do a lot of work with soldiers suffering from mental health issues.
My father is retired and heads the Armed Forces outreach program. Athena is still Athena. Still a black widow spider. She left Matthias two years after they were married. But I’ve gotten to know his daughter Callie really well and she spends time here with us whenever she can’t be with her dad abroad.
Ronan sees me and squeals, raising his arms in the air. “Mommy, mommy!” He’s only three and still a mamma’s boy. Our daughter, Amanda, who came a little sooner than we anticipated, is five. Yes, lost condoms are still a thing.
“Hey, how do you feel?” he asks as slowly lower myself into the chair next to his. Then he leans over and places a kiss on my lips.
“Like killing you.”
“That good, huh?”
Ronan tries to jump onto me and Shane stops him, hanging on to our little monkey when he tries to belly-flop on me and his soon-to-be-born brother. “No, Ronan, Mommy needs a minute.”
“Mom?” Amanda says, seated on the other side of her father. With her big brown eyes and long legs, she’s the spitting image of her father. But the tiny beauty mark… that she got from me.
“Yes, sweetheart?”
“Why does Aunt Mona do this every year?”
“To celebrate life. To bring everyone she loves together. Don’t you like her parties?”
“No, Mommy. I mean why does she put bow ties on all the donkeys?”
We look beyond the empty archway where the service will be held shortly and watch Hazel and her herd in the pasture, munching on hay, all of them wearing what look like tuxedo bibs. Not to be outdone, Billy and his goat girlfriend, Gladis, have them on, too.
“Aunt Mona is a Siamese cat and you know what those are?”Amanda gets that same skeptical look I’ve seen on her father’s face a million times. “Playful and full of trouble.”
“What animal are you?” she asks after a thoughtful pause.
“I’m a collie.”
“Like Lassie?”
“Yep.”
My daughter is still very skeptical of this animal talk. “And Daddy?”
“He’s a grizzly bear.”
Shane makes a grizzly noise at Ronan who finds it hilarious.
Amanda smiles, showing off her crooked teeth. “Oh, yeah, Dad is a bear.”
“You’re still the strangest girl I’ve ever met,” Shane whispers, leaning in for another kiss.
“But you love me anyway?”
“More than ever.”
Amanda looks pensive again. “Mommy, what am I?”
“You’re a swan, baby. A beautiful swan.”
She smiles. “And Ronan?”
“He’s a monkey, of course.”
She nods. “And the new baby?”