You would think that with time things would get better. You would think that, wouldn’t you?
You’d be wrong.
I knew I was in trouble two weeks ago, but I was living in a state of denial, trying to reason it away as stress and a lack of appetite. I’ve lost six pounds already and it doesn’t look pretty on someone my size.
I look around the bathroom of the guesthouse I’m back to living in and sit on the edge of the tub. This place is haunted with so many happy memories it’s unbearable to live here. Jess was right. Damn her.
I close my eyes, give it a few seconds, and take a deep breath. I crack open one eye, then the other. A sinking feeling comes over me. And with it comes an awareness that I’m headed straight for a brick wall traveling a hundred miles per hour and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. I look at the stick…
It’s a plus sign.
Grabbing my cellphone, I hit speed dial. “Twisted sisters.”
“Right now?”
“I’m pregnant.”
“I’ll pick up some Chinese takeout and be there in an hour.”
Less than an hour later, we’re seated on my couch, the very same one that I had sex on repeatedly with the father of my child.
“You need to make a plan,” my pillar of strength says whilst stuffing her face with honey sesame chicken. She glances up with a deliberately blank expression. “You know I have to ask…”
“Yes, I’m keeping this baby.” He bent me over that armrest Jess is leaning on right now. She wouldn’t appreciate the information so I keep it to myself.
“Keeping baby. Check. First problem solved. Are you telling Shane?”
Just the thought of having to tell Shane makes my stomach twist in knots. I’m not sure he’s against kids. But I’m also not sure he’s for them, either. He wasn’t exactly elated at the prospect that day we lost the condom.
“I have to, but maybe not right away. I could have a miscarriage. It happens.”
God, please, no…
“Telling Shane the puta. Check.”
I rode him on the pillow she’s sitting on right now.
“You’re making quick work of that list.” I knew I could count on her.
“I’m an efficiency expert. What about Mona?”
“I’m telling her tomorrow. I’ll wait to tell my dad and Athena. Just in case something happens. My dad will worry.”
Nobody will be happier to be a grandparent than Alan Baldwin. But I haven’t considered how much I want Athena involved. She didn’t have much value as a mother, which leads me to believe the same about her being a grandmother.
“What about Aidan?” Jessica says with a look of anticipation. This is a tricky decision. I know they’ve been speaking because Aidan has been dropping hints.
“I don’t know… I’m seeing him next weekend.”
“This is a stupid idea. And I’m not hanging all over you like a groupie…. I’ll be in the corner hiding.” I pull the fabric away from my butt and it snaps right back. This dress cost a fortune. As much as the Jetta my dad bought me when I graduated high school.
Aidan and Jules’ big idea is to have us photographed at this charity party at the Beverly Hilton. Because as Jules says, it’s good for Aidan to be seen with someone who’s a ‘salt of the earth.’ type. I think that’s her code word for unattractive. Aidan thinks that if Shane sees the press while he’s in Europe, he’s going to come running back. He doesn’t know his brother if he thinks Shane can be that easily manipulated.
I still don’t know whether to tell Aidan. Mostly because I know that when I do, Shane will know, too, and I won’t handle it well if he’s unhappy about it.
“So ungrateful,” Aidan says and yanks me closer to him on the leather back seat of the Mercedes. He’s like the little brother I never had that I want to constantly punch. “I dress you up and take you out to make my brother jealous and this is how you repay me. You’re my date. Act like my damn date.”
I pinch his side and he makes a face.
“He’s not coming. Your brother doesn’t play games. He’s honest and good and… he’s just hurt. Or mad at me… I’m not sure which.”
I think of my little secret baby and smile.
“Then do it for me,” Aidan says. “As my friend.”
Aidan looks so vulnerable I can’t say no.
“Fine.”
We step out of the back of the Mercedes and the lights go off. Thousands of them flashing in our faces. I don’t know how Aidan does it, or why. I will say that he seems pretty much at ease and in his element with all the attention. Why anyone would want to live under this level of scrutiny is beyond me, but he definitely has the temperament for it.
The party is long and boring and my face hurts from smiling so much. I’m making my way to the exit when Jules intercepts me. “Where are you going?” She’s wearing black again tonight, her red bob even more severe since it’s been flat-ironed straight.
“I’m leaving, Jules. Back to the sticks. We took a million pictures. He’s having a good time with his new costars. Cut him some slack. He’s a good man. Raise your standards for him and he’ll rise to the occasion.”
Jules makes a face. “That’s some hokey bullshit.” She checks me out. “How are you getting home?”
“I don’t know yet…” That’s a tricky one. Taxi? Uber? Walking? Los Angeles is impossible without a car.
“Take the Mercedes. I’ll text the driver to bring the car around.”
A huge grin breaks across my face and a weight is lifted off my chest. “Thanks, Jules. Thank you. Really.” I give her a big hug which she tries to squirm out of.
“That’s enough tacky displays of camaraderie.”
On my way out, I see her smile.
The Mercedes pulls down the Harris Ranch driveway at midnight. How fitting. All dressed up, and holding my high-heeled shoes in my hand because my feet hurt and I’m always fatigued now. A knocked-up Cinderella.
The headlights hit the porch of the guesthouse and shine a light on a man sitting in one of the Adirondack chairs. The thrill of seeing him is quickly replaced by pain. He’s wearing a closely-tailored suit with a white shirt underneath, so handsome my entire body hurts seeing him. It’s official––he’s here to dump me.
A quiet voice in the back of my head says… no. I will not let him bring me low. I’m a mother now. I have a child to protect. I won’t be pushed around, left high and dry, or lied to anymore. For the sake of this child, I will not put up with any of the nonsense that I was willing to accept from him before.
I will not accept crumbs.
The car stops. The driver gets out and opens the door for me. I put my shoes on and step out.
“Thank you so much for the ride, Charles,” I tell him, but my attention is entirely on the man standing on the porch with two suitcases at his feet. He’s headed somewhere else after he breaks-up with me. That must be it. I’ve never seen Shane dressed so elegantly before. I didn’t even know he owned clothes like these. I wonder what hearing about the baby will do to his plans. Then I push the thought aside because it doesn’t matter either way.