“Dad...”
“Are you planning on entering the saddle bronc event?”
She looked away. “I’m married now.”
“Yes. But what does that have to do with your plans?”
“Nothing. Yes, I’m planning on entering the saddle bronc.”
“And is Jake supportive of that?”
“Jake has been teaching me. Jake always was the person who taught me. He’s the one who helped me with my barrel racing, and he’s the one who’s helped me with this.”
“There’s not much I can do about that. Whether I approve of it or not. He’s your husband.”
“Yes,” she said.
“And I happen to know, probably, a bit too prideful of a man to take any money from his wife. So next time you try to spin me a tale, you might want to make sure it’s a little bit believable. If you want your money, you’re entitled to it. The rules are the rules. Whether or not you’re doing something I want you to do with it or not.”
“Dad...”
“It’s just worry,” he said, his eyes suddenly growing grave. “It’s worry that I can’t undo, Callie. And I understand you don’t think it’s fair. I understand that to you this doesn’t feel just. But I lost your sister.”
Callie’s heart thundered in her ears, her breath stalling out. They talked around this tragedy plenty in their house, but they didn’t mention it directly.
Sophie was a ghost that whispered in the halls, not a person to be spoken of in conversation.
But he’d said it. And he kept on going.
“I lost your sister, and I’m not going to get over that. It doesn’t matter that it was so long ago, and I think no amount of time will ever heal it. When you know the world can take a child from you, you don’t take anything for granted. I lost my little girl once. I can’t lose you. I wanted to teach you to be strong but there’s a limit. Because I’m not strong. I am not strong enough to lose you. But I can’t control you, either. And now... You couldn’t have made it clearer that you’re a grown woman. I sure as hell can’t direct what you decide to do with your grown-up years. But I just want you to be safe. More than you can possibly know, I need you to be safe.”
Her heart twisted.
“Dad, I want to be safe. But I don’t understand how you can be okay with the boys doing it and not me.”
“Because I’ve never lost one of my sons. I had a little girl, and she was precious to me.” Her dad’s eyes glistened, the pain in them making Callie feel a deep sense of...of shame. That she knew full well they grieved, but that she didn’t respect how sharp it still was. “She was a miracle after all those boys. And we didn’t have you to replace her, I hope you realize. We didn’t. But after her, you seemed to be a double miracle. Another girl—I was afraid I wouldn’t be allowed to keep you, either. And how can I cope with that? How can I cope with it twice? It’s impossible. So you just promise me that you’ll keep yourself safe. You hear me?”
Her heart felt bruised. She’d felt like her dad was smothering her because he didn’t trust her. That he was too hard on her because she was a girl. But it wasn’t her. It was life. He was afraid the world would be harder on her, and so he acted accordingly. It wasn’t her—it was what might happen to him if he lost her.
And she had a feeling her dad was far closer to the truth of what was happening between her and Jake than she wanted him to be. Although... She wasn’t exactly sure what was happening between her and Jake. And she hadn’t had the time to reflect on it. But that was the problem with being here. She was either with him or she was with her family. And there was spare little time to sit in her own head and process exactly what had gone on. The only thing for it was to head out to the stables. What she needed was to go for a ride. It was bitterly cold outside—this December weather in Eastern Oregon bitter and biting. But she didn’t care.
This was her home. There was clarity out here. She’d spent a lot of her childhood and her adult years on the road, but her family ranch had always been her touchstone. She tried to ground herself on that now.
She went down to the end of the stable, and retrieved her favorite mare. Queens Are Wild was a retired rodeo horse that her parents had had for six years. And she was the one that Callie favored when she came home for a visit. For leisurely rides around the place, rather than for athletic pursuits. She had just gotten Queenie tacked up when she heard the sound of boots behind her. She felt a low growl rise in her throat before she could do anything to stop it.
“Easy there, Cal.”
She turned quickly, and saw Jake. And felt herself blush all the way to the roots of her hair. He was wearing clothes now, but it didn’t matter. Because she could vividly picture him naked. And she was still sorting through the events of this morning and last night. She didn’t think he’d stayed in bed. But she wasn’t completely sure. When she’d woken up, he was out on the porch with Boone. But she couldn’t say for certain when he left the bed. At around three in the morning she rolled over and found an empty space where she’d expected him to be. But she wondered if he’d gone to the bathroom or something. She’d drifted off before she could verify his whereabouts.
“I thought maybe you were one of my brothers. I am not in the mood.”
“I figured I would see about having a ride. Your dad said I could use one of the horses.”
“You were talking to my dad?”
“Just briefly. He mentioned you’d been by to chat with him.”
“I had to talk to him about the trust fund. He didn’t seem that surprised. And honestly, he knows what I want the money for.”
“Is he going to keep you from getting it?”
“No,” she said. “He said...” Restlessness built up in her chest, frustration. “I can’t talk to you right now, because I’ve seen you naked. And I keep seeing you naked.”
He arched a brow. “Excuse me?”
“I really need my friend Jake. I’m going crazy, because I’m stuck here with my family, and I can’t get a second to myself. And if I can’t get any time to myself, then what I want is time with you. You’re the person that I talk to. Well, what the hell am I supposed to do when you’re part of the problem?”
“I see. I mean, I told you, Cal. I told you that I was worried about this being a problem.”
“Yeah, well. I want you to stand there for a second and be the guy I didn’t see naked, okay?”
“I’m not doing anything different one way or the other. The question is if you can stand there and not picture me naked.”