She winces as she sits up straighter, and I reach up, helping her as I unclip her belt. “Regrets?”
I gently pull the belt away from her stomach before reaching up to cup her jaw. I tilt her chin up until our gazes meet. “Yeah, regrets,” I rasp as I lean in closer. “Regrets for not letting my shitty past go when I have a beautiful future. Regrets for not seeing that sooner. And regrets because you’ve given me the world, and, babe, it’s my turn to give you the world.”
“You’ve given me everything,” she rasps fiercely. “Never live with those regrets, Mav. Not now, not ever.”
“I’ll try,” I vow.
“Then no more regrets,” she whispers, leaning forward.
“No more regrets,” I agree, and lean forward, pressing my lips to hers.
It’s soft, slow, and intense. I kiss her like we have all the time in the world. Because we do.
We do have all the time in the world.
She pulls back, letting out a breath, one which sounds more like relief than anything. “I really thought it was because I can’t give you any more kids.”
“You’ve given me the world, and I’m sorry I made you feel like that,” I tell her, pressing my lips to hers. “How are you feeling about it?”
She shrugs, turning her gaze to the front of the car. “I’m not sure. I’m happy with our life, with our children, but we’re still so young.” She loses her focus for a moment before blinking out of it. “However, I’ve been blessed with four beautiful children, and I can’t complain about that. They’re all I could ever wish for. And it won’t be long before they are grown and they’re giving us grandbabies,” she teases.
I narrow my gaze. “Nope. I can’t even handle the girls being at school.”
She laughs, her entire face lighting up. “You’ve gone pale.”
“Of course I’ve gone pale. I don’t want to think of my girls being pregnant. Ever.”
Her expression softens. “Baby, they’re going to grow up, they’re going to fall in love, and they’re going to have a family of their own. Don’t you want that for them?”
I’ll never admit it, but I do want it for them. I want them to succeed in life, whether that be in their career or their social life. But they are my babies and picturing a future where they aren’t is too bleak to imagine.
“I want them to have everything they ever dream of and more. They deserve it all.”
Aiden begins to fuss in the backseat, and I grin at my wife. “You excited to show the kids the new addition?”
She rolls her eyes. “He’s not a toy,” she muses.
“No, but I wouldn’t be surprised if the girls start putting him in their dolls pushchairs. Wouldn’t be the first time.”
Laughing, she pushes open the car door. “I think Max is still trying to get over Faith mothering Liam and Landon. I swear, when she came in with them in her dolls pushchair, he looked seconds away from passing out.”
I chuckle. “Don’t move. Let me get Aiden inside with Joan, then I’ll come and help you out.”
She waves me off. “I’m fine as long as I go slow. And before you start, I’ll go straight to the sofa to rest. The door isn’t that far away.”
I sigh, glancing up at the house. The lights are off upstairs, which means the kids are probably asleep in bed, but the lights downstairs are blaring.
“Teagan,” I warn.
“Stop fighting me. I want to see my girls, and my boy, and arguing about this is delaying it.”
I sigh. “Alright, but I’ll rush back so don’t try to rush up there.”
“Okay,” she promises.
I swing out of the car and move around to the back, pulling open the door. Aiden, only days old now, is awake in his seat, his expression scrunched up in a way that lets me know he’s stuck in the middle of curiosity and wailing. My money is on wailing because Mark used to have the exact same expression before he finally settled on crying.
I hook the handle over my arm and lift him out. He doesn’t make a peep as the cool air hits his face, nor when I slam the door shut behind me or when the seat jerks as I rush up to the house.
Joan is at the door, holding it open. “Welcome home,” she greets.
I quickly kiss her cheek and lower the car seat to the floor. “I’m just going to help Teagan.”
“Go, go,” she orders, her focus already on baby Aiden.
Teagan sighs when she spots me. “You really didn’t have to come back.”
I grin. “If I didn’t think it would hurt more, I’d have you up in my arms, babe.”
She links her arm through mine. “I love you, Maverick Carter.”
“I love you too, Teagan Carter.”
We reach the front door as a shriek so loud echoes off the walls, all the way from upstairs.
I quickly help Teagan through the door, needing to get to Lily.
“Maverick, before you go, there’s something you should know.” I pause on the bottom of the stairs at Joan’s declaration, but my attention is on Lily calling out for help. I need to get to her. “They have been worse than ever since you’ve both been gone. Just like last time,” Joan whispers.
And she means when Mark was born. It was our first time away from home without the girls, and Lily freaked. In the end, they had to bring her to the hospital, but this time, they couldn’t since Teagan wasn’t in a good way.
“Let me go,” Teagan offers, taking a step towards me.
“I’ll bring her down,” I promise, holding my hand out. “Please, take it easy and go rest.”
She nods and I turn, taking the stairs two at a time. Lily’s shrieks turn into whimpers of pain, the sound tearing my heart apart.
I push open her door fully and step inside the dimly lit room. I glance to Faith’s bed, noticing the sheets rumpled and the bed empty. She must have woken up before and went downstairs.
I sit on the edge of Lily’s bed, and from experience, I know waking her isn’t an option, so I gently lift her into my arms, rocking her back and forth.
“It’s okay. It’s okay now. Daddy’s home,” I soothe.
She whimpers in her sleep, stirring, but doesn’t wake up from the nightmare haunting her. Instead, her hand seeks me out and grips my jacket.
Lily had been my sister for two days. Two days. The first day was the day I first met her. The second day was our first visitation visit. It was during that visit that I knew I didn’t want her to be my sister. Wounded and traumatised from what our bitch of a mother had done to her, I knew she needed more than a brother. She needed a mum and a dad, so it’s what I gave her. It’s what Teagan gave her.
It hasn’t all been smooth sailing, but I never made the decision to adopt her thinking it would be. And I don’t regret a moment of it.
Seeing life through her eyes has been something I’ll forever cherish. And although I’ll never be able to take away her nightmares or memories, I can do everything in my power to give her new ones to chase them away.
I’ll do anything to make them stop for her. Anything. I hate that she suffers. But one day, one day they’ll be a day when she doesn’t get them anymore, a day when all she has suffered and all she’s endured will become nothing but a distant memory. And until that day comes, I’ll remind her every day how strong she is, how loved she is.