“You don’t understand,” I choke out.
“What don’t I understand?”
“He stops the nightmares. He stops my freak outs. And now he won’t be there if I have another black out. He won’t be there for our baby, and I won’t be able to protect him or her. This won’t be the first time I’ll fail my baby, Mum. I’ll fail them every time I freak out, or black out.”
“You aren’t going to fail them.”
“I will,” I scream, my back arching off the blanket. “Mum!”
She spreads my thighs apart. “I think you need to push. Do you feel like you need to push?”
“Yes. But I—oh God, Mum, it hurts so much.”
“Okay, you need to push,” she orders, before glancing at the others on the other side of the room. “Myles, call that bloody ambulance and tell them to get here now.”
“On it,” he confirms, and I hear the door click shut behind him.
“I need Jaxon,” I bawl. “Mum!”
Her fingers tense on my knees and she shuffles backwards. “Okay, push, baby, push.”
I push down, and although the pain intensifies, it somehow lessens too. Faith grips my hand as I relax a little, feeling more drained than I did before.
“Get a cold flannel,” Mum orders, and I hear the door open and close again.
I shake my head from side to side. “I can’t do this. I’m not strong enough. It hurts too much.”
“You can do this,” Maddox orders, his warm hand shaking in mine.
“I need Jaxon. I need him,” I choke out. “Please, someone find him.”
“If the accident is to do with Jaxon, I’ll go find out what hospital they were taken to, and go see what’s going on myself,” Malik offers.
“It’s too dangerous out there,” Mum tells him. “It’s getting thicker by the minute.”
“I’ll be okay,” he tells her.
“Mum,” I cry, as the pressure below intensifies, becoming unbearable. I try to do the breathing exercises I learned at class, but instinct tells me to fight it, which only makes it worse.
The pressure in my lower back is slowly twisting the muscles harder and harder with each contraction.
“Come on, Lily,” Mum soothes.
I close my eyes as the cramp begins to slowly wear off, and picture Jaxon. I picture his smile as he opened the rest of his presents, the sparkle in his green, emerald eyes when we were in bed, and the sound of his laugh when I struggled to get into my tights.
As another cramp hits, the mirage is shattered, and the pain takes over. My pelvis feels like it will shatter any moment, but I push, following my body’s instinct to do so.
I collapse back once it’s over, delirious and weak.
“I can’t do this.”
“Yes, baby, you can,” Mum remarks, spreading my thighs further apart.
“No. I need Jaxon. I can’t do this without him,” I bawl. “It’s too much. It’s all too much.”
“I’m going,” Malik declares.
“Wait,” Dad calls out, but I hear the door open and Malik leave.
I stare into Mum’s eyes, my lips quivering. “I’m so scared.”
She takes a moment to gather herself, inhaling and exhaling. “I know, sweetie. I know. But I’ve got you.”
“You always have. Because you are the best mum in the world,” I tell her as Faith grips my hand.
My insides feel like they are being pulled out when the next one hits. I shove my chin to my chest, trying to find the strength to push. “Lily, come on, you have to push harder,” Mum demands.
I shake my head side to side as a cool flannel hits my forehead. “I can’t. I can’t do it.”
A commotion from outside echoes through the house, and I hear Dad yell something. My mind blanks as I push down, squeezing Faith’s hand as I do.
“Lily,” Mum murmurs, and I look up, seeing her face pale and her shoulders sag. She falls back onto the heels of her feet, staring at something behind me. “Thank you, Jesus.”
“Lily,” Jaxon calls, and the air gets trapped in my lungs at the sound of his voice.
It’s like a dream.
Like a sweet lullaby.
Then he kneels down beside me, replacing the spot Maddox was just occupying.
“Jesus Christ. I got here as quick as I could. Are you okay? How are you doing?” he stresses, his hand running down my arm.
I stare up at him, lost for a moment, not quite believing he’s real. But I can feel him, I can smell him, and he’s definitely in front of me.
“You aren’t gone. You’re here,” I stammer, seconds before I begin to shake with relieved sobs. I take in the cut above his eye and the bruise forming across his jaw, and my chest aches even harder. “I didn’t think I’d see you again, Jaxon. Then my waters broke.” I take in a breath. “Our baby is coming, and I thought I would have to do it alone. I can’t do this without you. I need you. I love you so, so, so much.”
“Lily, take another breath,” he orders.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” I wail as another contraction hits. Once it ends, I lean up, needing to feel him, to hold him. “Are you okay?”
He’s really here.
“Lily, I need you to lie back down,” Mum orders as I grip his shoulders.
As I go back, he follows, and I wrap my arms around him. I shove my face into the crook of his neck, breathing in his spicy cologne.
He hasn’t left me.
I hold him closer. “You’re here. You are really here. I thought you were…” It becomes too much, and I can’t find the words.
He’s here.
He will get to see our son or daughter grow. He’ll get to rock them to sleep. We’ll get to have our future.
“Fuck,” he rasps, pulling back a little to rest his forehead against mine. “Angel, I told you I’d be back.”
“Reid said you were—that you…” I whimper, clenching as another contraction hits me. “Then they said one person died. I thought I lost you. I thought we lost you. I can’t do this without you. It—”
His cool lips press against mine, silencing me for a moment. “Angel, I’m not leaving you,” he promises, before turning to Mum. “Why isn’t she at the hospital?”
“Ambulance is on the way,” Mum explains.
“I’m so sorry. I told you to hurry and it’s my fault. It’s my fault,” I choke out, still clinging to his hands as I ramble.
“It’s not, Lily. And that’s not important right now.”
“What happened? What—” A scream tears from my throat, and Jaxon leans forward, running a hand along my jaw.
“Lily, push,” Mum demands.
I do, but the urge leaves, along with my energy. “Jaxon, it hurts.” I tremble, taking his hand.
“You can do this, Lily.”
“I thought I lost you,” I choke out.
“What happened?” Faith asks.
“The other driver—a woman—had a heart attack and lost control her car. I’m fine. The other people in her car are fine, but she wasn’t though,” he explains. “Reid was meant to ring and tell Lily I was going to be running a little late and would be a while longer.”