“You don’t know that. And why is it likely?”
She stands up and walks over to the wall of windows, her eyes flashing with anger.
“Because that’s who you are! Dirty Harry. You’re the king of loving ‘em and leaving ‘em. I witnessed you do it to Mal. You broke her heart.”
She stops talking, her voice unsteady with emotion. I have to tread carefully, but there’s never going to be a better time to put all our cards on the table.
“I didn’t love Mallory.” I sigh heavily. “I don’t know what she told you, but I was upfront with her, Winter. I always am with women. Always. You can ask any woman I’ve been with. I tell them I don’t want to be exclusive. That I’m not looking to get tied down. That’s what I told Mallory, and she told me she wanted the same thing. Just casual, for fun.”
“Don’t you know women say that because they think you’ll end up wanting more?”
I get up from the couch and throw my hands in the air, frustrated. “No. I take women at their word because I don’t assume everyone is a liar, and I think it’s really fucking unfair that you blame me for not being in love with Mallory. I never promised her a relationship. I told her I’d support her and the baby if she was pregnant, and she never said a word to me after that. Don’t you think I’m the one who has a right to be pissed?”
Winter leans against the wall of windows, crossing her arms.
“You’re not doing that to me,” she says, sniffling. “You’re not pulling your no-strings-attached act, just-for-fun bullshit on me, Harry. Find some other woman to fall for it.”
She’s the most infuriating person I’ve ever known. Winter is bound and determined to think the worst of me. I don’t know how to convince her I’m not the awful man she’s made me out to be, and my frustration makes me want to punch a hole through the wall.
“I don’t want a no-strings thing with you,” I say, pacing to the back of the couch. “I never said I did.”
“Then what, Harry? You want me to think you feel something for me? That I’m somehow different from all the others?” The streaks of tears on her face are like a punch to my gut.
“Yeah, that’s what I want you to think,” I say, walking over to her. “Because that’s the truth. You are different, Winter. I do feel something. A lot of fucking things, actually, depending on the day. I’m crazy about you. Literally fucking crazy. No one’s ever done that to me before. How do I prove myself to you? Do you want me to get on my knees?”
“Are you saying…you want a relationship with me?” Her tone is laced with disbelief.
“Yes.” I stop before I reach her, because I know if I touch her right now, she’ll shut down. “That’s what I’m saying. I want us to be exclusive. I’ll be faithful to you. I swear on everything I am.”
She blinks, and more tears spill onto her cheeks. “This is everything Mallory wanted, but she’s dead now. I like you, Harry. A lot. But I feel irrationally guilty, like I’m stealing something from her.”
I take her hands in mine. “You aren’t stealing anything. I never wanted this with her. I know that hurt her, and I’m sorry. I hate that it hurts you, too.”
“It’s not fair,” she says softly. “It’s not fucking fair. She was so young.”
“I know. It’s not fucking fair, not to her or to Avery. I wish—” I stop, my throat tight with emotion. “I wish I had known. I would’ve been there. I need you to fucking know that, Winter. I would have been there, to pay for treatment and take care of her when she was sick. She was the mother of my child.”
Winter releases my hands and covers her face with her palms, sobbing. “I know. I know you would have been there.”
It cuts through me, seeing her in pain like this, but Winter never really got a chance to feel these feelings. She needs to let them out.
“If I wanted casual,” I say softly, “I’d choose any other woman in the world, Winter. Any woman but you. I wouldn’t risk any of us getting hurt—not you or Avery or even me. But you’re the only one I want this way. Can’t you see that? You’re the only one.”
She takes her hands away from her face, her eyes red and her cheeks wet with tears. I can’t stay back any longer. I wrap my arms around her waist and she launches herself at me, our bodies interlocking as I hold her close.
We stay that way for a minute, and I close my eyes, loving the way she feels against me. Her breasts are soft and she smells like coconut. When she pulls back slightly, putting her palms on my scruffy cheeks, a shiver shoots down my spine from the tenderness of her touch.
“I want you, too,” she whispers.
I lean my forehead against hers and tighten my hold on her as our lips meet for our first real kiss. What little self-control I had is gone. The kiss is long and deep; both of us giving and taking what we’ve been wanting for so long. Our tongues tangle until we’re both breathless and then Winter pulls back, panting softly against my lips, her eyes glazed with lust.
“Don’t hurt me,” she whispers.
“Never,” I promise.
Her eyes sparkle with confidence as she tugs my shirt off and places her palms on my chest.
“You have no idea how many times I’ve wanted to do this,” she says, running her hands over the ridges of my pecs and abs.
I groan as she reaches my waist and unbuttons my pants. It feels like heaven, but I take her hands in mine and lace our fingers together.
“Tell me what you’ve fantasized about,” I say, my tone low. “Don’t overthink it. Just let go and say it to me right now.”
She licks her lips and says, “You walk into the apartment and I’m in the kitchen. You make me undress for you and put my palms on the kitchen island while I’m facing it. You tell me I can’t turn around or look at you, but I hear…” She pauses and swallows, looking unsure.
“Keep going, baby,” I urge. “Tell me. I’m so fucking hard for you right now.”
“I hear you kicking off your shoes and taking off your tie. I’m standing there, so hot and ready, and I just have to wait while I hear your clothes hit the floor. Then I hear you unzipping your pants and…I’m so wet, Harry.”
I groan loudly. “Jesus fucking Christ, woman. You’re going to kill me before I even get inside you.”
“Then…then you rub the tip of your cock against me and you tell me how wet and good I feel. I’m breathing hard because I’m sure you’re about to fuck me, but instead…you take a step back and slap my ass. It feels so amazing and…I cry out. You do it again, and you tell me I belong to you.”
I might actually die right here. When I asked Winter to tell me what she fantasized about, I had no idea it would be like this. My cock is throbbing. She’s holding on to my hands tightly as she talks, trying to keep me from touching her.
“I ask you to please fuck me,” she says, pausing. “And you do. You push inside me and it feels amazing. You hold on to my hips and fuck me hard, and you tell me you’re going to come inside me. Then you reach around and play with my clit and I come for you, Harry. And as soon as I do, you come, too.” She licks her lips, a smile dancing on her beautiful face. “Then you kiss me and ask what’s for dinner and I say pot roast.”