“You nervous?”
Hailey looks up at me with bright blue eyes, and I can see the nerves there. But I also see the excitement that’s been there since the day I met her. “First grade could be tough.”
I smile because the kid is too cute. “It’s not too different from kindergarten, but you’re ready.”
We spent a lot of this summer getting ready, keeping her mind sharp. Not because I thought she needed it but because she wanted to. The kid has a thirst for knowledge like I’ve never seen, and I was happy to oblige.
Some may think a teacher may want to spend their three months of summer binging Netflix and in the certain silence of not being surrounded by twenty kids. But the truth is, most teachers I know, me included—we miss it.
Sure, we like the break, but when you’re a teacher, you’re kind of always a teacher. Ready to teach and inspire. Ready to mold young minds. To educate and be educated in a way only children can. Their minds and hearts are so damn pure, they remind you of the good in the world.
“Yeah.” She looks down the hallway leading to the first-grade classrooms. “I’m ready.”
I walk her to her classroom and nod at her teacher, who I know fairly well and was glad Hailey ended up with her. She’ll be in good hands. I give her a hug and tell her I’ll see her after school before I head to my own classroom.
“Was that Hailey Scott?” I take a deep breath when I hear Jennifer and then turn to greet her.
“Yeah.”
“You brought her to school?” She’s just curious, and I consider her a friend, even though she may not know one thing about me.
“I did.” I again take a big breath, not wanting to make too big of a deal out of this. “I’m dating her father.” Her eyes widen. “Rafe has to be at work pretty early, so I’m going to be bringing Hailey to school.”
The principal and her teacher know this because Rafe has to let them know if anyone other than him has permission to pick up or bring his child to school. Neither of them said a word. My job is intact, maybe because Hailey is no longer my student, or it may be because they know I’m good at my job and don’t want to lose me.
Either way, it’s okay.
“You’re dating Rafe?” I wait for something bad to come. I may have not been as traumatized as Rafe—my family has always been supportive—but that doesn’t mean I haven’t heard offensive statements aimed in my direction when someone found out I was gay.
“Yes.”
“Oh my god, you asshole,” she whispers that last part. We’re in a school, after all. “You have the hottest dad I’ve ever seen at this school?”
I laugh, because of course she’s cool. “I do.”
She’s grinning awfully big as she scans my face. “And he has you? Oh my God, I’ve been trying to get in your pants for so long.”
I snort a laugh and then look around quickly, hoping no one is around. Luckily, no one is. “Yeah, I’m sorry about that. I should have told you I’m gay.”
“Why didn’t you?”
She doesn’t seem hurt or upset at all about this. Just curious. “You know this town. It’s not exactly the worst place to be gay . . . but . . .”
She nods knowingly. “Well, if anyone has a problem with it, direct them to me. My brother’s gay, and he’s my favorite human. And a friend from high school is gay, but he’s a cunt.”
“Jennifer.” I laugh. “You know you’re in school, right?”
She laughs and blushes slightly. “I’m sorry. We had a fight, and I haven’t seen him for a long time. I just mean, you shouldn’t have to be careful about who you tell. You’re a great man, Nolan.”
“Thank you. It wasn’t ever a secret. I just didn’t have a reason to announce it before.”
She’s beaming. “And now you do?”
I nod without hesitation. “Absolutely. I’m in love with Rafe.”
“I’m happy for you. Beyond happy. I also want so many details.” I cock my head to the side, saying no without opening my mouth and she laughs. “Fine. Some details. It’s selfish to keep them all to yourself, Nolan.”
The bell rings, and kids flood the halls. I look over at Jennifer. “When it comes to Rafe, I’m going to selfishly keep him all to myself for as long as I can.”
“Oh my God, you’re so in love, it’s gross.”
I laugh, “I’ll see you later.”
She waves, and I go into my classroom, waiting to greet all my new students. They come through the door with giggles and squeals, ready for the new year. But there’s one I have my eye on.
One I haven’t been able to get out of my head since I met him last week. One who quietly finds his cubby, hanging his tattered backpack on a hook and then sits in his spot at his assigned table, looking around meekly.
Damn it.
This kid breaks my heart. He was brought in by his temporary foster mother and his social worker for enrollment. The kid is underweight, and his eyes don’t shine like they should.
Already having seen too much in his mere five years. “Hi, Jacob.”
“Hello.” He barely looks at me.
These are the kids I’m typically drawn to. They’re the ones I try my best to give a little bit extra to because I know they aren’t getting attention when they go home. The ones I know need it the most.
But my heart breaks because I don’t think I can ever be quite enough.
Still, I’m going to try.
I have a stable, happy, healthy relationship with a man I don’t have to worry about needing to be fixed.
So I can spend my energy where it’s truly needed. Trying my damnedest to show these children the best of the world and that it will be okay.
* * *
You can do this. It’s going to be fine. This is Nolan.
“What are you doing? I thought you’d be naked by now,” he says in his best bossy tone, but my heart is thundering in my chest.
Hailey and Nolan have been back in school for the past month, and as great as it’s been, there’s something that isn’t working. I just hope Nolan agrees.
“Is she asleep?”
He nods and climbs on the bed. “Hence, the you being naked part. It was my turn to put her to bed, and you were supposed to be getting ready.”
“Move in with me,” I blurt it out, and his eyes widen. Yeah, that’s not how I meant that to go.
“What?”
“I know. Okay, I know. I went from not wanting a relationship to being in love with you and then needing to share a home with you in no time, but that’s how this works. I think. I’m so damn in love with you, Nolan. You’re it for me. And when you know that . . . why wait?”
“No, I agree.” He runs his hands through his hair, still looking a little shell-shocked. “I just didn’t think you would want to do that. I didn’t want to rush you.”
“I want this. I’m sick of you having to pack a bag and practically live here but not. It’s crazy.”
“You know, you two should probably move in with me instead, right? There’s a little more room.”
I look around the small bedroom of my rented apartment. “Yeah. Maybe. I didn’t want to be presumptuous.”