“Is that code for sex?”
I snort. “And you’re back to being my best friend and not an overprotective guard dog.”
He chuckles as he grabs his gym bag, and we head out to the parking lot. “If he treats you right, we’re good.”
“He does. Rafe can’t help himself. He’s just that good.”
“I’m glad.” We stop by my car. “Maybe I don’t understand the whole need for a relationship thing, but I’m happy you found a good one.”
“Thanks, buddy. Maybe someday it will get you too.”
“Don’t hold your breath.” He’s still laughing as he waves and then heads to his car. I just shake my head, climbing into my own car and going straight to Rafe’s.
We’re keeping the relationship part quiet for a little longer so Hailey doesn’t have to keep our secret, but that doesn’t mean I can’t still come over for dinner. I hop out of the car and walk up to their apartment, actually whistling, I’m so damn happy.
When I heard the words from Rafe’s lips, telling me he loves me, everything clicked into place. Everything.
Rafe answers the door with a matching goofy grin, and then Hailey runs to me, immediately dragging me to the living room to play with her. And I’m thankful because I don’t have time to stare at Rafe’s lips and wish I could kiss him. Time for that will come later when she’s tucked into bed and we’re behind closed doors.
We don’t have to wait too long to tell Hailey about us, and I’m grateful. As I play with the Barbie car she also got for Christmas and she laughs and tells me about her day through her eyes, I can’t help but feel like I’m betraying her.
I’m in love with her father and can’t tell her.
Rafe sits down on the couch, and I swear I can actually see his fingers itching to touch me too.
Only a few more weeks and then we can do whatever we want.
* * *
“God, you’re so good with her.” I smile against Nolan’s lips as we kiss behind the locked door of my bedroom. After Hailey went to bed, we spent time watching a murder documentary on Netflix and just being a couple. Just as we were about to lean in for a kiss and head to my room, though, Hailey had other ideas.
She wandered down the hall, requesting water and then a snack. Nolan handled it like a champ right along with me, finding her favorite crackers while I got her some water before we both went to tuck her back in.
She fell asleep almost instantly.
“She’s a good kid.” He lifts his shirt off, showing that chiseled chest I fucking love, and I let my hands roam over every dip and rise of hard muscle. We were here last night in the same position, but I’ll never tire of it. Of that, I’m sure.
He’s perfect in every way, and I can’t believe he wants me. I’m just grateful he does and have learned to deal with some of the shit from my past. I’m trying to do what he suggested, now that I’ve admitted I’m angry with Heather, and just let it go.
As much as I can. The guilt is still there. But I deserve to be me, to be who I really am and to love fully. Not fake it. Not be who anyone else wants me to be. And Nolan showed me there’s someone out there who’s totally happy with who I am.
He tugs my shirt off with a hungry growl that shoots straight to my cock and makes me needy for him. “God, I want you. So fucking bad.” He opens my jeans, and we start toward my bed.
“I want you too, Nolan.” I undo his pants and push them down, breaking the kiss for only a moment as we both kick away our clothes. “I need you.”
“I love you.” He grasps my face in his hands and presses a kiss to my mouth. “You have me.”
I nod, grinning against his mouth. “I know.” I swallow away the fear and try to calm my breathing. “I really need you though.” I lift my head and look into his eyes, seeing a hint of confusion there. “I want you to fuck me.”
“What?” He looks surprised now, cocking his head to the side. “You bottom?”
The nerves start to kick in, and I wonder how we haven’t had this conversation yet. “I haven’t done it before.” His eyes widen more as realization kicks in. “I want to though. I want to try it, at least.”
“You sure?” His hand slides over my jaw and down my torso, then it rests over my heart that I’m certain is trying to escape my chest.
“Yes. I trust you.”
“Why haven’t you done it before?”
“What? Trusted you?”
He grins, and we lay down on the bed, facing each other, both of us completely naked. “No. I mean why haven’t you tried this before.”
“Oh . . .” I try not to let my cheeks heat with embarrassment as I shrug. “Every hookup before you was just that. It was just to get off and get back to Hailey. And then with you . . .” I kiss his lips briefly, closing my eyes and letting my love for him take over, “we were usually in a hurry, but I knew it was different. I just needed to gain the courage to ask. But if you don’t want to do it that way . . .”
“Oh, I do,” he answers quickly, and I smile against his mouth, feeling his lips lift in his own smile. “I really do.” His lips kiss mine and then trail over my neck, and then he pushes me back so his body moves on top of mine.
“Good. I want that.” He kisses my nipples, taking his time and driving me crazy as he slowly makes his way down my body, over my chest and then my stomach, creeping toward my cock but not giving it any attention.
“So . . .” His mouth moves over my balls. And taking his time, he laps at them, sending a thrill through me. A needy moan leaves my mouth.
“Nolan, please.”
“Please?” He licks over my hole, softening it with his spit, causing me to relax but also to thrust forward into nothing, begging for relief. “So, no one has been here?” He thrusts his tongue inside as I move against his mouth, begging for more, begging for his cock to fill me like his tongue is.
“No. No one. Only you. I just want you.” I’m a babbling mess, and when I finally hear the lube cap, I nearly cry out in relief. There’s no need for condoms—we both got tested, and I know we’re both going to be faithful.
I feel his lubed-up fingers at my hole, and all I feel is trust. My body is relaxed putty, just waiting for him to ravage me like I know only he can. Because it was always Nolan. He was all I needed all along, and I fucking have him.
“Yes. Please. Please. Please,” I beg as he stretches and teases me, crooking his finger and hitting that sweet spot that makes my hips jerk forward as I plead with him. “I need you. Please.”
Finally, and I do mean fucking finally, he moves to position himself between my legs, pushing them up to give him better access as my knees press against my chest. He inches his cock inside me, taking his time, but I’m desperate, thrusting forward and trying to get more of him.
“More.”
He grins, totally in control, his abs flexing and all the muscles in his arms pulled tight as he fights to control himself, but I don’t want that. I want him to unleash on me.
“Fuck me, Mr. Burke. Give me every single inch.”
That does it. He leans forward, kissing me hard as he bottoms out, stretching me completely and making me grateful for the prep but also loving every bit of the burn because I know he’s inside me. In this moment, it’s only Nolan and me.