Threw my mind right back to that night when I didn’t listen to him.
And I’d been living with that regret ever since.
Chapter 24
Kinley
Then
I blew out the twenty-four candles on my turquoise cake before Christian kissed me.
“Happy birthday, baby.”
We were at his parents’ house celebrating. Everyone who mattered to me was there, except for my mom. For the last two years, she was a mess. Some days were better than others. She was drinking, off her meds, and I didn’t know what I could do anymore.
Christian was over it, tired of what she was constantly putting me through. On top of worrying about her endlessly, I was over at her house a lot, making sure she was at least eating, and her house was cleaned up. I was terrified she’d throw up in her sleep and choke on her own puke. I was constantly checking in on her.
The last thing I wanted was for her to die because of the decision she’d made while intoxicated.
I desperately tried to make Christian understand, and all that would end up happening was us arguing about why I was defending her, still taking care of her, and putting up with what she was doing to me.
I couldn’t help it, I didn’t want to lose her again. He didn’t understand. His parents were normal, healthy, and they had no vices or faults. His family was perfect.
Although, at least now my mom wasn’t nasty to me like she was before, always telling me how much she appreciated me, how lucky she was to have a daughter like me, how much she loved me and wished she could be better for me. I focused on that instead of the disaster she’d caused in my life.
Every day it was a different story about why she was drinking in the first place.
I was having to pick her up at random bars at all hours of the night. Most of the time I was sleeping next to Christian, who of course, never let me go on my own to get her. We’d end up in some shady ass neighborhoods with his temper looming. He was furious with her…
With me.
Yet still, he was by my side, carrying her out of the bar and into the back of his truck. One time she threw up all over his seats, and despite getting it detailed, the heavy scent of vodka and vomit lingered in the leather for several weeks. Having to throw her into cold showers to sober her up was a thing of the norm.
Let’s just say Christian’s patience with her was wearing very fucking thin.
I hated fighting with him over her, but what was I supposed to do? I couldn’t just leave her alone. What kind of daughter would I be if one day I got a phone call that she’d died in a car accident or something? I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if something happened to her and I could have prevented it.
I was at a loss when it came to her.
The only thing I could do was try to get her to take her meds. She said they didn’t work anymore. She still felt manic, and the only thing that made her feel normal was drinking. She said it took away the highs and lows she was constantly battling, when in reality it was just making it worse.
I tried to tell her she needed to inform her therapist, but she’d lost her job and didn’t have insurance anymore, and I couldn’t for the life of me get her to fill out the paperwork for Medicaid.
It was one thing after another.
I told her I’d pay for her therapy sessions and medicine, but she was adamant she didn’t want to be a burden on me, never realizing how much of a burden she was with her binge drinking. I battled my own demons, fucking petrified I’d end up like her.
It was why I barely drank, afraid I’d get addicted. It was already in my genes, adding bipolar and depression into the mix. Christian, in his medical expertise, always eased my anxiety about it, saying I’d be fine. I just needed to make sure I was always honest with him about how I was feeling daily.
His concern for me was as never-ending as mine was with my mom. I was at my wits end, not knowing which way was up or down when it came to her. It was like a rollercoaster of emotions, and I was hanging on for dear life, praying she’d eventually come to her senses and stop drinking to get her life back on track.
I started paying her bills, taking out some student loans without Christian knowing. I didn’t want her to lose her home too. She’d worked so hard for it. I knew in my heart she’d eventually stop drinking, I just didn’t know when or how.
“Sweetness, please try to enjoy your birthday and stop thinking about your mother.”
I deeply sighed, trying to reel in my emotions. “I can’t help it, Christian. I haven’t heard from her all day.”
“It’s not the first time, babe, and it won’t be the last.”
“But it’s my birthday, and she promised she’d be here tonight.”
“Your mom makes a lot of promises she doesn’t keep, Kinley.”
“Not when it comes to me.”
As if on cue, her car came barreling down the road. We heard her tires squealing when one of my worst fears came true. She hit Christian’s parents’ mailbox, running it over until her car came to a complete stop. He body roughly jerked forward.
We all ran out of his house, hauling ass to her.
“Mom!” I shouted in a panic.
Her body was against the wheel, hunched over.
“Shit! I think she’s unconscious!”
Christian was faster than I was, opening the driver-side door to see if she was alright. Her body fell into his arms, and within moments she was waking up and fighting him.
“Mom! Stop it!”
“I’m fineeee.” She pitifully tried to shove him.
I grabbed her arm, holding her back. She was making an absolute fool of herself, and all I could do was stand there and let it happen. I was beyond embarrassed. This was the first time his parents, sister, and Julian were seeing her like this.
It was usually just Christian and me, and sometimes Jax. My best friend would help me take care of her while Christian was making his rounds at the hospital for his internship. He was working crazy hours, and I always felt bad that I was dragging them both into my mother’s mess.
They didn’t deserve it.
“Mom, you are not fine. How could you drive in this condition? What were you thinking? You could have killed someone!”
I didn’t want to lose my temper, but I was furious. She was putting her life and innocent people’s at risk. It was so fucking selfish. It was pointless to argue with her. She was wasted and wouldn’t remember this in the morning, but I couldn’t help myself.
I was exhausted from fighting a battle I couldn’t win, then or now.
Christian didn’t miss a beat, tearing me away from her. She couldn’t even stand on her own, falling to the ground on her ass. I went for her again, but Christian held me firmly in place. He wasn’t letting me go, despite me trying to make him.
“Stop it! I need to help her! Let go of me!”
He yanked me against his chest. “Stop fucking fighting me, Kinley! This ends now! You’re cutting her off! Do you understand me?”
“Christian, please…” I urgently begged, knowing deep down he was right.
But I was all she had. I didn’t want to lose this fight. I wanted my mother in my life.
Julian was standing behind him with Jax by his side, waiting for I didn’t what. His parents were standing on their lawn, the pity for me radiating off of them, and I could feel it digging into my skin.