I guessed that made sense.
Eoghan might be my hero, but every hero needed a heroine too, no?
Carefully, I nipped at his mouth, gently kissing him, sucking on his bottom lip as his hips twitched and his cock spasmed inside me while I breathed in Russian, “Ty moyo schást'ye.”
I half-expected him to ask me what that meant, but my husband was ever full of surprises as he pressed a kiss to my temple, and against my skin murmured, “You’re my happiness too.”
And as much as this morning had rattled me, that soothed the wounds he’d given me, eased the aches.
Just like I knew he always would.
Thirty-Three
Finn
“Finn?” I stared out of the window, looking at nothing as Eoghan mumbled in my ear, “For fuck’s sake, are you listening?”
“I’m listening.”
“You really sound like it. Jesus.”
“What are you whining about now?”
“Ma asked me to ask you when I should pick up Jake. Why she couldn’t just call you herself, I don’t fucking know.”
I rubbed my eyes, feeling even more exhausted than before. The last few days hadn’t been easy, but now Aoife was back home, things felt both settled and chaotic.
The apartment was too quiet without Jake, but he was so rambunctious and Aoife was so fragile… I didn’t even dare hug her. I just held her hand when she let me, feeling like a complete and utter failure as I wished I could do something to make this better, wished like fuck I could take away her pain, all while knowing I couldn’t do dick.
“Aoife and Lena have had a falling out,” I rasped eventually, staring into the sky where a cluster of birds were flying in a ‘V’ formation.
“They have? Since when?” Eoghan queried, his surprise clear. “I didn’t think Aoife had spoken to anyone.”
The family gossip mill was churning along as per fucking usual, it seemed.
Only three days had passed since Aoife had come home from the hospital, but it felt like an eternity had drifted by us too.
“Does it matter?” I heaved a sigh. “What a goddamn week, Eoghan.”
“I’m—”
“Don’t say you’re sorry.”
“Why not? I am.”
“So am I. I’m overdosing on that word. Sorry won’t bring Imogen back.”
“Aoife named her?”
“We named her,” I growled.
“Does that help?”
“Doesn’t fucking help me, but it does Aoife. That’s all that matters.”
If anything, thinking of her, when Imogen would never exist anywhere other than in our imaginations, hurt as badly as what had happened to me as a kid.
Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that was possible, but it was.
Rubbing the back of my neck, I muttered, “You don’t need to hear any of this shit. I’d appreciate it if you could bring Jake home. Lena will have a car seat.”
“If I can help, I will. You know that. I was only bitching because Ma was being cagey. I got your back, Finn.”
“I know you do. Same goes.”
“What time should I come around?”
“Whenever’s easiest for you.” I placed my hand against the glass and leaned into the window. “You don’t realize how quiet a place is until they’re not hanging around. I swear, Eoghan, kids… they’ll break your fucking heart.”
“They’re terrifying.”
I knew what he meant. “They are,” I agreed. “They’re so goddamn breakable. It’s a wonder we even make it to adulthood.”
“Inessa and I will head upstate within the hour, okay? He’ll be home before dark.”
“Don’t mean to cramp your style, but you can’t take the Aston Martin.”
He snorted. “I’m not that dumb.”
My lips curved of their own volition. “I needed to hear something funny today.”
“Fuck you.” He grunted. “Sorry. Shouldn’t have said that.”
“Why not? We never stand on goddamn ceremony, do we?” The soft tapping of footsteps came to my attention, and I turned away from the window and stormed over to the hall. “Eoghan, I gotta go. See you later.”
“Yeah. See you later.”
Dumping my cellphone on the table, I headed out into the hall and saw Aoife slinking into the kitchen. I managed to snag her hand and tug her to a halt.
Since she’d miscarried, neither of us had mentioned the weekend before when shit had hit the fan, but we weren’t talking as much as we should.
I didn’t know if that was because of the secrets I’d kept or if it was a genuine silence that came from grief.
“You shouldn’t be up,” I chided. “You need to be back in bed.”
Dressed in one of the nightgowns she only wore out of bed, or when she was sick, she looked so washed out with the white cotton against her pale skin.
Her auburn hair was a stark contrast to the white, and I saw just how much weight she’d lost, how gaunt her cheeks were, the shadows beneath her eyes.
“I need to do something.”
“What do you need to do?” I countered.
“Work.”
I narrowed my gaze upon her. “Work? What kind of work?”
“My work.” Her frown turned stubborn. “Louise is coming over. Would you mind going downstairs and grabbing the receipts she’s brought with her?”
“Are you joking?”
“Do I look like I’m busting a gut over here?”
My mouth tightened, and for a second, we waged a silent war. Her daring me to say anything, anything at all. Me trying to keep my fucking mouth shut.
I felt my blood pressure creep up as we stared at each other, me longing to say the words—I’ll spank your ass if you don’t get back into bed. But I was here on borrowed mercy.
I knew that.
She fucking knew that.
We both goddamn knew that.
I stared her down far longer than she stared me down, her gaze drifting away to the counter as she slithered off to the refrigerator and began pulling out butter and eggs then headed to the pantry for flour and sugar.
Hovering there, watching her, I knew I was standing on a tightrope.
A man like me was not built for a tightrope.
One false move and I’d fall.
But I was destined to fall anyway.
The buzzer saved me.
I was on the brink of striding over there and hauling her over my goddamn shoulder and getting her back into bed but she muttered, “That’ll be Louise.”
“Why the fuck are you doing the accounts, anyway?” I snapped. “Hire an accountant.”
She snarled, “Because it’s my business, and I like doing it. It’s relaxing.”
“You’ll be missing out on a shit ton of tax breaks. I set you up with Jenkins, didn’t I?”
“I chose not to use him.”
Jenkins, the guy I’d used for a long time for my own personal accounts, would be hearing from me about that.
“Why would you choose not to use him?”
“Because I wanted to know that I’d done this on my own, so I get Jen to do most of the filing and sort out the rest.” Her chin tipped up. “She supervises things, don’t worry. This way, though, I know that the bakery is where it is because of me.”