“Ridiculous? Look at him, Aoife. He’s a baby. What would he do without you? If you think having children is the only reason I married you, you’re wrong. I married you, Aoife. You. Not your goddamn womb.”
“Why don’t I think Senior agrees?” I retorted, even though his words were a punch to the gut.
I knew he meant them. I knew that. So why did I feel like such a failure?
“He didn’t say anything about that. He wanted to know if we were coming on Sunday. If you were ready for that or not. I told him you’re not.”
“Maybe I want to go.”
“What?” he drawled. “You want to go and eat dinner with the woman who—”
“The woman who murdered my mother?” I queried as sweet as saccharine, watching his eyes narrow upon me.
It wasn’t the first time I’d invoked his anger, but I knew I was testing his temper. Testing him.
His fury poured out of him in great waves, and the heat of it warmed the parts of me that felt frozen solid.
My husband was one of the most controlled men I’d ever known, but around me, I knew I could shatter that control.
I wanted that.
I wanted him to be as shattered as I was, and I didn’t care if that made me a bitch or not.
“We’re not going on Sunday.”
His flat tone got my back up.
The last thing I wanted was to break bread with fucking Lena, but that he was telling me I couldn’t go made me determined to go.
“We are. Jake misses her.”
His nostrils flared. “We’ll talk about this later when you’re in a better mood.”
“This is about as ‘better’ as I get,” I retorted, kissing Jake’s head when he finally stopped crying and began to suck on his thumb. “You should know that by now.”
Finn sucked in a breath, and just when I expected to be hissed at again, he rumbled, “I don’t know what the hell you’re doing, sweetheart, fucking with my temper, trying to addle my self-control, but it won’t stop me from looking out for you.
“If you haven’t realized yet, you’re the priority here.”
I didn’t look at him. “If I’m the priority, then we should do what I want.”
“You don’t want to go to the compound.”
“Maybe I do.”
He squinted at me, and I could feel his brain ticking away as he tried to figure out what I was thinking. If I didn’t feel so messed up, I’d have laughed.
If I needed proof that men were from fucking Mars and women were from Venus, I had it.
“Do you want to start a fight? Is that it?” he asked, the words coming out slowly as if he were still trying to reason it out.
“Daddy’s so smart when he wants to be, Jake, isn’t he?” I crooned, my gaze on Finn now.
“Fine,” was his gruff reply as he started to get to his feet. “If that’s the way you want it, we’ll go on Sunday.
“If you want to set the dinner table on fire, throw her roasted chicken into the trash, and grab the TV off the wall, we’ll go.” His arms flailed up into the air in a move I was starting to see more and more often, as if he were washing his hands of trying to understand me. “If that’ll make you feel better, we’ll even drive over her fucking flowerbeds—”
“That sounds like a trip.”
“A trip to the ER,” he ground out, shaking his head. “I’ll tell Senior to expect us.” He stormed off, but I heard him mutter, “And to expect fucking fireworks too.”
Though Jake jolted when he slammed the door, my lips curved. “We’re gonna have a blast on Sunday, aren’t we, baby? Daddy’s got the best ideas.”
Just thinking of our Range Rover sliding into her beloved flowerbeds was enough to ease my mood.
I didn’t see why Lena shouldn’t suffer some of my misery too.
Part Four
Thirty-Five
Past
Aidan Sr.
As I finally settled Lena into bed, I held her tight to me as she sobbed against my chest.
It had been a long fucking day, and I knew it would be a long fucking night.
It was right what they said—there was no rest for the wicked.
I hadn’t earned my rest, and in seeking atonement, I’d caused my wife, the love of my life, to commit the worst sin of all, earning damnation for us both if I couldn’t get her to church for confession.
Pressing my lips to her forehead, I rocked her against me.
I’d doped her up with a couple Valium, and she was drowsing against me, however I was in no rush. Michael was downstairs, but he could wait until the heavens and the earth started burning for all I cared.
When her silent sobs ceased and she rested, I closed my eyes. “You’ll be safe, my darling. You’ll be safe. I’ll make sure of it.”
Guilt lashed at me like a whip, and as I let go of her and rolled off the bed, I felt every single one of my years as I straightened.
Peering down at her, seeing that she was resting, I heaved a sigh and headed out of the room.
The ECD and I had a fragile understanding.
I stayed out of their business, they stayed out of mine, and together, we worked toward a unified Ireland.
So far, I’d only been in their debt to a certain extent. There were Five Pointers who were cheiles, and one of them guarded my wife. That was about as much as I owed.
But the scales had just tipped out of my favor.
As I trudged downstairs, I headed into the living room where Michael was sitting. He had his feet up against the coffee table and, beside his shiny leather Oxfords, there was a bottle of my finest whiskey.
That immediately set the tone.
I didn’t like it, but I didn’t have a choice.
He smiled at me, a smile that set my teeth on edge and had my top lip snarling up with distaste.
“Spit it out,” I snapped. “What do you want?”
“That’s a loaded question if ever there was one,” Michael drawled as he dragged out a pack of cigarettes from his pocket. “I mean, what do I want? I suppose it all depends on what you’re willing to do to make sure I keep Lena’s secret.”
I narrowed my eyes upon him. “She’ll never see the inside of a jail cell. No matter what you fucking do or say.”
He shrugged. “I like Lena. I’ve always liked her. She’s good people.”
She was. That was the kicker. She’d been good people when I dragged her into this marriage. She’d been good people when she whacked me on the head with a rolling pin. That had only changed when the Aryans had gotten to her. And whose goddamn fault was that?
Mine.
Mine for giving a boy a man’s job.
Grinding my teeth, I snagged the bottle beside his feet and pressed it to my lips.
Swallowing a big gulp down, I let the fire consume me. “What do you want, Michael?”
“Eamonn’s getting soft,” he murmured into his glass, referencing the leader of the ECD.
I actually liked Eamonn. He had reasons for being the way he was, reasons that were beyond honorable, and his loyalty went soul deep.
This fucker? Not so much.