“Well, I’m just making sure you do.”
I grunted as the penthouse floor approached. “Ever fucking helpful.”
“Here if you need me, Finn.”
His words had me tensing up. No apologies or commiserations from Conor. Not because he wasn’t polite but because he had his own way of working.
“I know, Kid. I know.” I reached up and rubbed my forehead, wondering why he was the easiest to talk to when he was the craziest. “My whole fucking world feels like it’s collapsing under my feet.”
“It is. For the moment. You’ll find solid ground soon. You and Aoife are too strong to let this tear you apart.”
My throat was too tight to reply, so I just nodded. But as the doors opened, I finally managed to grate out, “I hope you’re right.”
Thirty-Four
Aoife
The second I heard Senior’s voice, I cringed. Deep inside.
It was stupid.
Ridiculous.
But I was just waiting to hear Lena. And the reason it was ridiculous was because they were talking business, and just as always, business wasn’t discussed around the womenfolk so it wasn’t like I’d hear her voice anyway.
But the dread was there.
Dread I disliked feeling.
My phone pinged with a text from Jen, but though I recognized the ringtone, I didn’t look at the screen. My focus was too intent on the call, on listening to who was speaking rather than the content of the conversation.
When Finn eventually put the phone down, I realized that I’d been listening to that damn phone call for forty-five minutes.
“Mommy’s getting obsessed,” I told Jake who clambered into my arms when I swooped down to pick him up.
He garbled away at me, totally uninterested in what I was doing, and I hugged him to me, enjoying the feel of him in my arms, the weight of him.
He was so solid.
So strong.
So healthy and alive.
My throat closed as I pressed a kiss to his forehead.
The second I did, he started scrambling to get down, and it was as crazy as me listening to a damn phone call, waiting to see if my husband was lying about cutting ties with the woman who’d raised him better than his own mother had, but my eyes pricked with tears.
I could feel them welling on the lash line, ready to spill over.
Pushing my back against the wall, I let myself droop, let it take my weight as I slid to the ground.
I slipped my arms around my knees and hugged myself while Jake carried on playing at my side, proving that he didn’t want to be far away from me, just didn’t want to be hugged for the millionth time today.
Staring at him, watching him, so goddamn grateful for him, I sucked in a sharp breath after a good ten minutes of doing nothing other than that and reached for my cell phone.
Jen had called and texted me so many times over the past week, but I’d been a shitty friend and had let it go to voicemail and had often ignored her messages.
When Finn’s phone rang again, I knew I’d go insane if I kept on listening to him, so I found Jen’s number and called her.
Her voice was frantic as she hissed, “Where the hell have you been?”
I closed my eyes. “Sleeping mostly.”
“I tried to visit but the doorman said you weren’t in,” she complained.
I bit my lip, well aware that Finn had likely vetoed any visits from friends or family. I couldn’t be angry, though. I just couldn’t be. I didn’t want to see anyone, didn’t even want to talk to anyone.
Not even Finn or Jake.
I wanted to watch them.
Know they were safe. Sound. But I didn’t want to talk.
Words got me nowhere.
Feelings got me nowhere.
Because she’d bitch if she knew Finn was behind it, I lied, “Finn told me.”
“Five times this week, Aoife,” she grumbled. “I know you’re sad, sweetheart, but that’s what I’m for. I cheer you up. It’s like my job.”
I chuckled, but the sound was watery. “Better than Prozac, that’s you.”
God, if only that were true.
“Damn straight,” she joked before her tone softened and she asked, “How are you feeling?”
“Been better, been worse.”
There, that didn’t sound too pathetic, did it?
Didn’t broadcast that I was going insane over the secrets my husband had kept, didn’t reveal shit I couldn’t talk about even with her.
“Only natural,” she said softly before a knock sounded at her door and she called out, “One second!”
I shouldn’t have felt relieved, but I did. “You’re busy,” I told her. “I should go.”
“No, it’s okay—”
“I’ll speak with you later. I just wanted you to know I was fine.”
God could strike me down for that lie and I wouldn’t have blamed him.
“Take care, darling,” she whispered, but I didn’t have the words to reply so I cut the line.
Blowing out a breath, I pressed my face to my knees and tilted my head to the side so I could do what I really wanted to do—watch my son be healthy, happy, and safe.
And if I cried, he didn’t know. He was none the wiser. He was just pleased that he had all my attention and that he was at the epicenter of my love.
My cell buzzed, and disinterestedly, I turned my head to look at the screen.
Alan: I’m so sorry, Aoife. I just heard the news.
Nausea swirled inside me, and the urge to hurl my phone across the room hit me hard. My nails dug into my thighs as I fought the urge, but then I heard footsteps in the hall.
Distracted, I didn’t have it in me to get up, to put on a façade, I just stayed where I was, slumped with my back to the wall, but Finn surprised me by joining me.
I didn’t know if it was because of Lena or if it was because we’d lost Imogen, but he kept on shocking me by doing things I didn’t expect of him.
He was being infinitely patient, which definitely wasn’t in his nature, and it was beginning to freak me out.
When Finn didn’t say a word after a couple minutes, I asked, “What did Senior want?”
“You could hear?”
I hummed.
“He was talking about business. He asked about you,” he said after a moment’s hesitation.
“Of course he did. I’m the useless broodmare who can’t carry a grandchild to term without—”
“Don’t you dare say that again. Not within hearing distance of me,” he snarled, startling Jake and making him burst into tears.
“You frightened him,” I told him coldly.
When I held out my arms, Jake, wailing all the while, hurled himself at me, and I took full advantage of hugging him like I wanted to.
“You needed to hear that. I wanted Imogen, Aoife. I wanted her with every bone in my body, but you—” He shook his head. “I know you put yourself at risk. I know you should have had a termination.”
I tensed up. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“No? Tough shit. We need to talk about it. We need to talk about the fact that you put yourself in danger when Jake and I can’t fucking function without you.”
I could feel the tears lodge themselves in my throat like I’d swallowed an orange whole. “Don’t be ridiculous.”