My voice is hoarse as I wrap the blanket around myself, mortification taking over. “Noah, I—”
“What the fuck is going on?” he demands, voice cracking as he looks anywhere but at me. His fingers go to his hair as he watches his brother roll of the bed in his naked glory, unabashed even though his brother just caught us in a very compromising position.
Literally.
“I-I’m sorry. So sorry, Noah. I didn’t—”
“Haven’t you heard of knocking?” Daire asks Noah, pulling his black briefs on to cover himself while glaring at his little brother.
That’s what he’s going to start with?
Noah doesn’t take it well. “Are you serious right now? I just walked in on you fucking my girlfr—”
“Technically, she was fucking me,” Dairen corrects casually, sitting on the edge of the bed where I’m wrapped up. “If you want to get technical with positions. And based on the way she vice gripped my cock even after you walked in on us, I’m going to go ahead and say she liked when you watched us finish.”
My jaw drops at his brazen words, heat blasting across my face that matches the bright red color on Noah’s.
Noah manages to look at me, but it’s painted. “I knew you liked him, but really?”
“Noah…” Embarrassment turns me entire body hot. I let my hair shield me from his narrowed eyes. “I’m sorry. I just…I…”
I have no words. None. Not when I know where he was last night. Not when this wasn’t even real between us. Does it justify me sleeping with his brother? Probably not. But it’s the only thing I can cling onto to stop me from drowning from guilt.
“Let the girl at least get cleaned up,” Daire tells his brother with little care in his tone.
Noah’s teeth grind. “Excuse me for trying to process this. I was worried when Addy wasn’t returning my messages.” His eyes go between us before he shakes his head and pinches them closed. “Christ, no wonder. I didn’t ask you to pick her up so you could make her another one of your bunnies, Dairen. What the hell is wrong with you? You knew she liked you, so why would you lead her on like she actually means something?”
That stings way, way more than it should. So, I force myself to carefully climb out of the bed with the hotel comforter covering my body and slip into the bathroom before I hear whatever Daire’s response is.
Because I don’t think I’d be able to hear his confirmation that I’m just another notch on his bedpost.
I never hid my crush on him well. Everybody knew I had one. Most people just assumed I got over it because Daire was older and had his own life outside of New York City. He lived in Chicago, played for a big team, and was photographed with plenty of women in his short time with the Blackhawks. And I had Noah in a way. Not in the way that a majority of the public thinks, but enough to accept that what transpired in this hotel room should have never happened.
Turning on the shower to drown out the voices outside the locked door, I drop the dirtied comforter and stare at my reflection in the huge mirror above the double vanity.
I look…different.
But the same.
Womanly but young all at once.
The way I feel, though?
It’ll never be the same.
Ever.
I take my time in the shower, cleaning myself the best I can using the cheap shampoo, conditioner, and soap that the hotel provides and then dry myself off. It isn’t until after I use my fingers to brush out my wet hair that I realize I have no clean clothes here.
Only the ones I came in.
Before I can freak out, there’s a knock at the door. I expect Noah to be behind it, but it’s Daire’s voice that leaks through the wood. “I have something you can borrow. The clothes will be big on you, but it’s better than nothing.”
I stare at the wood for a solid thirty seconds before I force my feet forward to unlock and open it. When I peer out through the crack, I see the clothes in his hand and accept them with a shy but grateful smile.
We don’t say anything.
I close the door, change, and stare at myself wearing his rolled-up sweatpants and old Blackhawks’s sweatshirt. I’m drowning in the clothes, but they’re warm and smell like him and it’s oddly comforting.
Counting to three, I take a deep breath and head back out into the main room. Noah is rubbing his jaw, now red and swollen, by the window that he’s glaring out, and Daire is sitting on the edge of the bed.
Where there’s a blood stain in the sheets.
Oh my God.
He must know what I’m staring at because his lips kick up and one of his shoulders lifts. There aren’t any words attached to the casual gesture, so I force myself to look toward my best friend.
“What happened to your face?” I ask, stepping forward.
Noah shoots a deadly look at his brother when Daire happily declares, “I punched him.”
I gape. “You did what?”
Another shrug. “He tried punching me first.”
“You deserved it!” Noah blasts.
“Didn’t we already hash this out?” Dairen questions, head cocking to the side.
The boys only stare at each other, the tension in the room choking me.
“Noah, can I talk to you?” I ask him, hugging my arms around myself. “I think I need to explain—”
“Oh, don’t worry. I don’t think there’s much to explain.” His voice is hard, his eyes never moving from his brother perched at ease on the bed.
My eyebrows rise. “But I—”
“Addy.” He finally breaks his focus from Daire and swipes at his face, hefting out a heavy sigh. “I really need to process this right now because I don’t know if I trust what I have to say to you. I’ll hurt your feelings.”
I swallow my words and find myself nodding in understanding. Even though the look of betrayal has seemingly lessened on his face, it’s still there. A relationship may not have been there, but a friendship always has been. And I just implanted his brother, who he’s struggled connecting with since the accident, right in the middle of it.
Noah looks at the clothes I’m wearing and then at the other guy in the room before clenching his fists by his sides. “I really wish I could say I was surprised,” he murmurs, loosening his hands before glancing at me. “But I’m not.”
He doesn’t let anybody say another word before walking out of the room and closing the door behind him.
His words cling to my heart, making it deflate from the puncture wound. He expected me to do this sort of thing even though we made a deal. I know I shouldn’t feel bad considering who he was spending time with last night—aka not me—but I do. I can’t help it. Noah has been there for me through a lot, and I’m afraid I just threw it all away. And for what? A fling? A chance to see what it was like to sleep with Daire?
God. I’m an idiot.
“I should get going,” I rush out, clamoring to grab the discarded items of mine thrown about the room.
He’s in front of me before I can blink, halting my frantic movements and looking down at me with piercing eyes. “What’s the rush?”
I lick my lips. “Well, after that—”
“After my brother caught us fucking?” he reiterates for clarification.