When I walked back out into the living room, no one was there. I saw Hunter out on the balcony, so I headed that way. “Hey, where did Adam and Kyle go?”
He glanced at me over his shoulder. “Kyle is taking a shower, and Adam ran down to get one of his fancy coffees at the café in the lobby.”
Smiling, I sat down on one of the balcony chairs. Hunter was leaning on the railing with his forearms, staring out over the city. Mid-October in New England was one of my favorite times of the year. The fall leaves were at their peak and just starting to drop. It was even evident in a big city like Boston. There was still plenty of yellow and orange dotted across the skyline. But in just a few weeks, all the leaves will have fallen and winter will set in.
I rubbed at the back of my neck to ease the tension. I also hated this time of year. I should be somewhere with Abby, celebrating our life together. Instead, I was in Boston trying to forget about her, and no amount of alcohol or women would help. I had tried both one too many times to think either would ever work.
“Do you ever stop wondering why Arabella broke up with you?”
Hunter turned and leaned against the railing to look at me.
I went on when he didn’t answer. “I mean, it’s been how many years now? Since our senior year of college?”
He exhaled. “Almost eleven years. And no, I never stop wondering why. The last two years, she’s talked to me, at least, and not treated me like a casual friend. I’m glad to see she’s not hiding at the apiary. Willa’s had a lot to do with that. I know she and Greer are close as well. She also told me how angry she was with Abby for leaving.”
“Yeah, join the club, Arabella.”
Hunter smiled softly.
A comfortable silence settled between us. Hunter never asked questions about why I thought Abby had left. All I had ever told anyone was that she’d left. Just up and left, no reason why. Which she had, I just wasn’t sure why.
Part of that was true. She never did tell me why she wanted a divorce, but then again, we’d both stopped trying to communicate with each other by that point. For me, it had been my damn pride.
Hunter sat down next to me, and we both stared out over the city.
“Abby was pregnant.”
I could feel, more than see, Hunter turn and look at me. “When she left?”
Shaking my head, I leaned forward and rested my arms on my legs. “No. About a month or so before she left me, she had a miscarriage.”
“Christ, Bishop, I…I never knew.”
I turned my head and gave him a knowing smile. “I know. We never told anyone she was expecting except for our folks. We wanted to wait until she was out of the first trimester. The day it happened was the same day we were planning on telling everyone. Remember that barbeque we planned and then had to cancel because I said Abby wasn’t feeling well?”
He nodded.
I looked away.
“Oh God. Why didn’t you tell us?”
Closing my eyes, I counted to ten. Those old familiar feelings of confusion and sadness rushed back and hit me right in the chest. “I…I wanted to,” I said, once again looking out over the city. “Abby didn’t. She didn’t want people to look at her with pity in their eyes or ask questions. She thought she’d done something wrong. Blamed herself for losing the baby. She was eleven weeks along.”
Hunter remained silent while I attempted to keep my emotions in check.
“The first few days all she did was cry. I held her, told her I loved her, because I didn’t know what else to do. The next week, she completely withdrew from me and her folks. Sat in our bedroom and just stared out the window. I begged her to go see a therapist, and she said no. I wasn’t sure what to do, so I asked my folks. My mom told me if Abby wouldn’t go, then I needed to.”
I sat back and sighed. “As much as I hated to see Abby upset, I was tired of giving support when I also needed it myself. She hadn’t been the only one who’d suffered a loss. But Abby wouldn’t talk about it at all. I broke down once—it was the day after it happened. My folks came to the house and I just…I just cried. Hell, I was fucking sad, too, you know?”
Hunter nodded.
“I thought Abby was out in the greenhouse; it was the only reason I let myself fall apart. She walked into the room and saw my mother holding on to me, and she turned and locked herself in our bedroom for hours. Wouldn’t talk to me, my mom, dad…no one.”
“Did you go see anyone?” Hunter asked.
I nodded. “Yeah. And they told me to be patient with her. I was, Hunter. I didn’t push, I didn’t press her to talk about it. I gave her time and space. Looking back, I think that was my first mistake. We needed to grieve together, not apart. I hate myself for doing it. I think she thought I was mad at her or tired of her. I don’t know. I’ve gone over it again and again the last two years, and I end up back at the same place. Pissed off and confused.”
“Damn, Bishop. I didn’t know. You know I would have been there, for both of you. Kyle, Adam…hell, even Aiden would have come back home.”
I wasn’t sure how I had lucked out with my friends. They were more like brothers to me. Looking at Hunter, I smiled. “I know. You guys were there for me, though, when Abby left.”
“I don’t get it. Did she blame you? Is that why she left?”
I shrugged. “No, I don’t think so. That first week, she blamed herself. Then, the night before she left, she came to me. We slept together for the first time since she’d lost the baby. A part of me knew something was wrong. God, I felt it down to my bones. But I ignored it. I was just so happy to have my wife back. My best friend. She left the next day…and you know the rest of the story.”
Hunter sighed. “Sounds a whole lot like mine. No reason, no explanation. Just…we’re finished.”
I nodded. “Yeah. I haven’t heard from Abby in over a year. I tried to talk to her, but she wouldn’t talk to me; then she did try to talk to me, and I was angry and wouldn’t talk to her. It was a fucked-up game that I think we both got tired of playing. I started to feel guilty.”
“About what?”
I glanced back out over the city. “The women. Abby had been the only woman I’d ever slept with. I think a part of me felt ashamed for sleeping with other women, and that was why I just stopped trying. It’s stupid. I’m sure Abby’s been with other men. Dated or whatever. I don’t know.”
Hunter crossed his arms over his chest. “I felt that way for a while after Arabella. Then I just sort of became numb. Every woman I’ve ever been with has never meant anything. The longest I’ve been with one woman was Brighton, but that was just for fun, a way for me to try to move on, and nothing ever panned out with it. I like Bree, but as a friend more than anything. It was nice to be with just one person for a bit, and I wanted to forget about Arabella for a while.”
“Shit, it’s all fucked up.”
Hunter sighed. “Yeah, it is.”
“Kyle knows about the baby. He picked me up at Mic’s Place the night I got the divorce papers.”
“That rundown bar outside of town?”
“Yeah. I got so drunk, the bartender pulled up the last person I’d called on my phone and it happened to be Kyle. He got me home, then stayed with me all night. At some point, I mentioned the miscarriage. He asked me about it the next morning when I woke up.”