They were the ones who begged me to move on and forgive myself, to live a full and happy life. It took a while. I still can’t look at a bottle of whiskey without remembering him. However small and insignificant, I have found a way to honor him. That’s what Devyn needs—a way to honor her little sister. Something to keep Kasey’s memory alive without destroying Devyn’s future.
I pull up and wait outside. The development is gated, of course. He’s a congressman. I wait forty-five minutes.
A pizza delivery car approaches. I get out of the truck, wave him down, and hold out a hundred-dollar bill. “I’ll give you this if you let me deliver the pizza.”
He glances at the money. “You’re crazy. I could get into a lot of trouble.”
“Come on, man. I’m trying to surprise my girl. Gonna ask her to marry me. She thinks I’m away at school.”
“I don’t know.”
I reach into my wallet. “All I’ve got is another fifty. Take it or leave it.”
“If I get caught, I’m going to say you held me at gunpoint.”
“Fair enough.”
He takes the money, hands me the pizza, and spouts the address.
I get in my truck and pull up to the gate. The security guard calls the homeowner and verifies they have a delivery coming. He pushes a button, and the arm rises.
After making the delivery, I drive through the place. Large Victorian houses occupy huge lots. Some have fences and private gates, some don’t. The congressman’s house is one that does.
I park between estates and get my tool belt out of the back, then knock on the neighbor’s door—one without a gate. No one is home. I go around into the backyard, the tool belt letting me pose as a handyman if anyone should see me. I find a break in the hedges and look from window to window in the congressman’s house to try and see anyone. I find a place where I think I can jump the fence.
“What the fuck are you doing?” I say out loud. I’m not going to do Devyn any good if I’m in jail. In fact, I’m certain it would make things worse.
I start back to my truck and hear a child yelling from the congressman’s yard, “Mommy, Mommy, you come too. Please? Push me on the swing.”
The little girl is five or six. I must have the wrong house. I check my phone. It’s the right one. Maybe they have guests. A woman comes out on the back porch, and I immediately know it’s Roseanne DeMaggio. I’ve seen enough pictures of her over the past few days to spot her in a crowd.
I strain to hear her voice. She’s at least fifty feet away from where I’m standing.
“Mommy’s too tired, but I’ll sit here and watch.” She drops into a chair under an umbrella and opens a book.
The congressman has another child? In the articles I read, there was no mention of a third daughter.
They’ve moved on, which is great news. Maybe they’re ready to forgive Devyn. I watch for another minute, then return to the street, relieved the neighbors never came home.
I’m smiling as I leave, but my happiness wanes. I can’t tell Devyn about this. If I do, she’ll know that I know everything. She’ll think I’ve gone behind her back. She may even leave. I stop and bang my head on the steering wheel. Just like me back then, she’s going to have to be the one to take the first step. Maddox, Andie, or Quinn couldn’t convince me to do it. The Marshalls’ incessant calls couldn’t make me. This has to be Devyn’s decision.
How long can I keep this secret? The woman I love is in pain. She’s suffering, and I may be the only one who can understand. She needs to know what happened to me. Then I have to tell her I know everything about her. But how and when? If I do it at the wrong time, in the wrong way, I may lose her forever.
Chapter Twenty-six
Devyn
I finish folding the towels and put them away. When I walk through the kitchen, Joe is busy preparing lunch for the guests. He holds out a cup. “Looks like you can use some tea. Keep an old man company while he slaves away for the paying customers.”
I’m in no mood for conversation, but Joe isn’t a man you can easily turn down. I sit.
“Did you ever hear the story of how I came to work here?” he says.
I shake my head.
“I was cookin’ part time for the rodeo over in the next county. Met Aaron when he come to watch his friend get thrown off mean-ass horses for fun. Aaron told me I made the best grilled street corn he’d ever had and asked if it was a secret recipe. I told him I’d be happy to make it for him again, but he’d have to hire me for an event. I was only kiddin’ around, but he told me he might be in the market for a cook and invited me here to show him what I could do.”
I smile weakly.
He raises a brow. “Just goes to show you never know when you’re gonna meet someone who might change your life.”
“Cooking here has changed your life?”
“Best damn job I ever had. Aaron—everyone on this ranch—they treat people right. Don’t matter your creed, color, or past. You know how hard that is to find? Once you find it, you best not go messin’ with it.”
Joe may be one of the wisest men I’ve ever met, but he has no idea what I’m going through. What I’ve been through. “Thank you for the tea.”
“You know I’m good for a cup anytime, Missy.”
Back in my bedroom, I lie on my bed and stare at the ceiling. I’m back in prison again, only it’s a different kind of confinement. I’m not sure I have any more tears, however. I’ve cried an ocean over the past few days. I’ve read all the pamphlets and considered all the possibilities. I know what I have to do. I just don’t know if I have the strength to do it.
“Knock, knock!” Andie says from my doorway. She’s wearing a bright pink bikini under a white mesh cover-up. “I have margaritas with our names on them back at the pool. I know you’re probably afraid of the heat right now, but the pool is a refreshing seventy-eight degrees.”
“I don’t swim.”
“Just dip your legs in to stay cool, then.”
“I don’t have a suit.”
“You can borrow one, or just wear shorts if you don’t plan to get in the water.”
I wish everyone would leave me alone. “I can’t.”
She glances around my dark room. “You mean because of your busy schedule? Women know when other women need girlfriend time. I promise I won’t make you swim if you really don’t want to. Maddox and Vivian went to some “daddy and me” function, and I’m all alone. Christina and Tara are busy.”
“So I’m pretty much your last choice.”
“I didn’t mean it like that. I was just saying if you don’t come, I’ll be bored and lonely. We don’t even have to talk about anything meaningful. We can badmouth men or talk about the weather.” She pulls on my arm until I sit up. “Pleeease?”
I’ve managed to avoid their pool for almost two months. I’ve managed to avoid all pools. If I say I’m sick, she’ll want to know why. I’ve made excuses to everyone for days. I’m all out.
“You really won’t try to get me in the water? Because I won’t do it, and then I’d be mad at you, and I don’t want to be mad at you.”