She crosses her heart. “I promise.”
I sigh. “Give me a minute to change.”
She claps. “Yay. See you outside.”
I hear her and Joe have a conversation. He talks with everyone. If it were possible, he would have a conversation with a rock.
I put on a pair of shorts and a tank top. When I button the shorts, I’m reminded of my growing problem. They still fit, but for how long? I examine my profile in the mirror, deciding it’s far too soon for anyone to notice.
“Ready?” Andie asks when I emerge from my room.
“Don’t forget the sunscreen,” Joe calls after us.
I close the door behind us. “I don’t have any.”
“You can use mine. We stay so covered up on the ranch that we’re all white as ghosts.”
Ghosts. The word takes me back a few months to a simpler time. I know it’s crazy to think it, but I wish I was still living in the attic and the only things I had to worry about were getting food and getting caught. How complicated I thought my life was at the time. I had no idea.
At Andie’s house, she pulls around back, and we go through the gate in the fence surrounding the pool. I hesitate. She cocks her head. “Devyn, can you swim?”
“I can. I just don’t like to.”
“Well, pick a chair, then. The loungers are comfortable. I’ll run in and get the margaritas.”
I can’t even look at the pool. I’m afraid of what I’ll see if I do. I turn my chair around. When Andie comes back with drinks, I tell her it’s so my face isn’t in the sun.
She pours margaritas from a plastic pitcher into plastic glasses. I take mine and sip. Then I remember why I shouldn’t and put the glass down. But does it really matter? I take another sip, then feel guilty and put it down again.
I can’t have a baby. There are a million reasons why I can’t.
But what if Aaron might want it? What if he wants me and the baby, and we can live happily ever after? It’s not something I’ve thought about, because I’m so sure it could never happen, but what if?
“You don’t like yours?” Andie asks. “You wanted salt?”
“Probably not a good idea to mix sun and alcohol so soon after fainting.”
“It’s been days. I’m sure you’re okay.”
I push the drink away, because… what if? “I don’t want to risk it.”
Andie goes back inside and comes out with a bottle of water. She plops onto the lounger next to me. “What should we talk about? Oh, my gosh. Vivian did the most amazing thing yesterday. She pulled herself up on the coffee table. I swear she’s going to walk soon.” She looks pensively at our surroundings. “I guess Maddox and I need to put in more safety precautions. We have the alarms on the doors, but we should—”
Even as I try to block out everything she says, I can still hear her. I take deep breaths and try to meditate.
“Devyn?”
“Yeah?”
“You were humming. You okay?”
“Oh, sorry. Can you tell me about horses?” It’s the only thing I can think of to get her talking about something other than this pool or her daughter. I like Andie, I really do, but all new moms assume everyone wants to hear about their kids.
New moms. My insides clench when I realize I could be one of them.
“What do you want to know?”
“Everything. How you knew you wanted to work with them. Like, what made you decide to become a vet?”
She laughs. “How much time do you have?”
“I want to hear it all.” It’s not a lie. I’ve fallen in love with the majestic creatures, and even if I have to leave this place, I vow to end up somewhere with horses.
“It’s Maddox’s fault,” she says. “I knew I wanted to work with animals. My granddad bought me my first horse on my tenth birthday. But it wasn’t until I was fifteen and saw Maddox’s horse get spooked by a snake and snap his hind leg that I knew I wanted to go into equine medicine.”
She goes on and on, telling me about school, not seeing Maddox for a decade, and working for this ranch and others. I think she literally does tell me everything.
“Have I talked your ears off yet?”
“No. You’re so passionate about horses. I know it sounds crazy, because I never even rode one until recently, but I am too, and I want to work with them.”
“Mickey can’t say enough about you. You understand there’s a future here for you if you want it, right?”
Future. Another word that scares me to death right now. Can I have a future here?
The sliding glass door opens, and Maddox comes out, carrying Vivian. “Hey, babe. Hi, Devyn.”
I can’t say anything, because Maddox has on swim trunks and Vivian is wearing a little bathing suit with strawberries on it.
“Thought I’d take her for a swim. Want to join me?”
“I will,” Andie says. “Devyn just wants to get sun.”
My heart pounds uncontrollably. Maddox descends the stairs into the water with Vivian. Andie follows. My mouth goes bone dry, and bile burns my throat as Maddox holds Vivian out and Andie takes her, arms stretched out, zooming her through the water.
My vision blurs, and all I can see is Kasey’s lifeless body on the bottom of the pool. I’m helpless. Frozen. The water is still. No ripples at all. How long has she been down there?
“No!” I yell.
Vivian squeals in delight, pulling me from my nightmare. Maddox and Andie stare.
I stand. “B-bathroom.” I try to calmly go to the glass door. They think I’m a freak, and why wouldn’t they? Running away from a friendly dinner, avoiding them all the time, and now this. When I’m inside, I race to the toilet and throw up.
I sit on the cold tile floor, trembling as the horrors of that night come rushing back.
The doorbell rings. I look through the peephole and see Angelina and Dane. He’s carrying a twelve-pack of beer. I open the door. “I told you guys I was babysitting.”
“Why do you think we’re here?” Angelina says, plowing past me.
“You guys, my parents will kill me.”
“They’ll never know.”
“What if Kasey tells them?”
“Kasey idolizes you, Devyn. She won’t say anything.” She pulls Kasey’s favorite candy bar out of her pocket. “Bribe her with this.”
Kasey appears in the kitchen doorway and recognizes Angelina, who’s been our next-door neighbor for two years, but not Dane. She stares at him. “Who are you?”
Angelina shoves the candy bar at Dane and whispers, “You give it to her.”
He refuses to take it. “Right, because a strange man should give a kid candy.”
“Oh, right,” she says with a laugh. “Kasey, I brought this especially for you, but it has to be our secret because if your parents know we were here, they’ll find out about the candy bar.”
Kasey’s eyes go wide at the sight of the king-size Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. “That’s for me?”
“It is.” She gives it to her. “But remember, you’ll get into trouble if your parents know you had it, so you can’t tell them we were here.”