“Turn the car around. I’ve changed my mind.”
“We’re already here, Dev. What can it hurt? Come on, give it to me.”
Reluctantly, she hands it over. I pull the truck up to the guard shack and roll down the window. “We’re going to the DeMaggio’s,” I say and tell him the address. I hand him her ID. “This is Devyn.”
He takes her ID inside and looks at something. He returns and hands me the ID. “She’s not on the list.”
“She’s been away at college. Hasn’t been here since they moved in.”
“If she’s not on the list, she doesn’t get in.”
“Can’t you cut her some slack? She wants to surprise her mom.”
He looks at me like I’m stupid. “Son, the reason I’m here is because our residents don’t like surprises. You can turn around up there before the gate.”
I’m running out of ideas. This meeting needs to happen, because I’m not sure I’ll ever get her to come back. “Call Mrs. DeMaggio, then.”
“What?” Devyn squeals. “No. Do not call her.”
“It’s okay,” I tell her and turn to the guard. “She just doesn’t want to ruin the surprise. Call her please.”
“Why are you doing this?” she whispers through gritted teeth.
“If she doesn’t let us in, we’ll go home.”
The security guard calls. I can’t hear what he’s saying, but he eyes me suspiciously as he speaks with her. He hangs up, does something on his computer, and hands me a piece of paper. “Display this on your dashboard.” Then he opens the gate.
I try not to smile too much. This is only step one of about a hundred that lead to what Devyn needs, but it’s a big first one.
I drive down the street, around the corner, and into the driveway of a house that looks like, well, like a congressman lives here. “Wow,” I say, not wanting her to know I’ve been here before.
“I think I’m going to be sick.”
I take her hand. She lets me this time. “This may be the hardest thing you ever do, but you’ll feel better after.”
“How can you possibly know that? What if she’s only seeing me so she can yell at me? You have no idea if she’ll forgive me.”
“This isn’t about that.”
“Then why are we here?”
The front door opens, and her mom appears. She looks impatient, like she’s waiting for a bus.
I get out and go around to open Devyn’s door. “You can do this.”
Walking to the front porch feels like escorting Devyn to her version of the fiery pits of hell. She hesitates with every step, pauses on every stair, but eventually, the two women are face-to-face.
Neither of them speak, so I do. “Mrs. DeMaggio, thanks for seeing us. I’m Aaron, Devyn’s boyfriend.”
“You move fast, don’t you? Didn’t you just get out of prison?”
“It was jail,” I say. “And she’s been out for several months.”
Roseanne goes back inside but leaves the door open. I take it as an invitation and urge Devyn to follow.
Roseanne sits at the kitchen bar, smoking a cigarette. She doesn’t ask us to sit, so we don’t. This is the most awkward situation I’ve ever been a part of. The tension is thick. Maybe it was a mistake to come.
Devyn stares at pictures on the wall. I recognize Kasey in some of them. I also see the other child, who was out in the yard when I was spying. What I don’t see are any pictures of Devyn. It’s like she’s been completely erased from existence.
She plucks a picture of the other girl off the wall. “Who’s this?”
“Kasey’s sister.”
It’s not lost on either of us that she doesn’t say your sister.
“You adopted her?” Devyn asks.
Roseanne takes a drag of her cigarette. “Duh.”
“How old is she?”
“Five.”
“When did you adopt her?”
“Earlier this year.”
“Is she here?”
Roseanne shakes her head. “Day camp.”
Devyn swallows. She’s the same age Kasey was when she died. Devyn walks to the French doors and peers out back. I don’t need to ask what she’s looking for. I already know there’s no pool.
She takes a deep breath and turns. “Why would you adopt another child if you didn’t even want the first two you had?” Roseanne looks at Devyn in disgust.
I step forward. “She’s very pretty. What’s her name?”
“Julianne.”
“I get it,” Devyn says. “Ed is running for senate, and that’s his MO. He can’t win on his own, so he plays the adoption or sympathy card.”
“Who are you to judge others, Devyn?” Roseanne gets off her barstool, opens a cabinet, and pours a few fingers of liquor into a heavy crystal glass. It’s eleven in the morning.
“I’m just saying, why would you agree to another child? Who’s taking care of her? Do you remember all the times Kasey crawled into my bed because you didn’t come home on the nights he was away? Wait. Of course you don’t remember, because you weren’t there. How about all the nights you left me, young and alone, because you couldn’t deal with what happened to Richard? I practically raised myself and then I raised Kasey.”
“You dare judge me?” she says harshly. “I may be a shitty mother, but at least I never killed any of my children.”
Tears well in Devyn’s eyes. “I see you’ve replaced your meds with alcohol.”
“One does what one has to do to get through the day.”
“You smoke around Julianne?”
“What I do around my daughter is none of your business.”
“Why did you let me in here today?”
“Curiosity.”
“About what?”
“I wanted to see what prison did to you and if you were remorseful about what you did.” She glances at me. “But I can see you’re getting along fine. How convenient that you get to live a long and happy life while Kasey rots in her grave.”
The tears fall. “Not a day goes by that I don’t think of her. Not a second passes when I’m not punishing myself or wondering why I’m here and she isn’t. You think I wanted her to die? You think I planned for it to happen? I was young and stupid and irresponsible. Yes, it was my fault. I take full responsibility, but don’t think for a second I’m getting along fine, because nothing has ever been further from the truth.”
Roseanne throws back her drink and gets another. Then she lights up again. “Well, good then.”
“You really hate me, don’t you?” Devyn asks.
“If I hated you, do you think I would have begged Dan Forsythe to let you keep your job at the grocery store? I knew when Ed kicked you out and your friends turned on you, you’d have nowhere to go. I even went to the bank once and withdrew a thousand dollars for you, but Ed found out and wouldn’t let me give it to you. He wouldn’t let me help you or see you. Said it would be bad for him politically.”
“I lived in a motel,” Devyn says. “Did you know that? I cooked on a hot plate and had roaches as roommates. The only job Dan would let me do was stock shelves overnight. He said people would get mad at him if they saw me cashiering. I spent almost all my paychecks on rent and most of what I had left went toward the fine I had to pay. I went to jail with two hundred fifty dollars. It lasted about two months. You know what I had to do to make money? Because yes, you need money in prison. I sold narcotics.”