I cross the yard and follow him into the north stable. He takes me to a vacant stall filled with fresh straw. A few ranch hands are gathered around. Andie runs up behind us. “Did she have them yet?”
I look into the stall, not knowing what the fuss is. “What’s going on?”
“Sassy is about to have her litter.”
“Sassy?”
Andie pulls me up near the gate and points to a corner where there’s a blanket on the straw and a cat on the blanket. A very pregnant cat. “She’s a barn cat.”
I step next to Owen, suspicious. “Why did you think I’d want to see this?”
“Don’t all girls love this shit? Makes you feel all maternal or somethin’?”
He doesn’t know. Aaron kept our secret after all.
Andie opens the gate and tugs on my elbow. “Let’s get closer. We’ll stand against the wall and watch. Have you ever seen an animal give birth?”
I shake my head.
“It’s amazing, especially when they have multiples. I’m not sure how many Sassy has in there. She isn’t one to let people handle her, but the typical litter is four to six.”
“How does she handle them all?”
“Some species are better equipped than others. After having just the one, I have the greatest respect for animals that have litters. I’m not sure what I’d do if I’d had four to six Vivians.” She laughs.
“If she won’t let people touch her, how did you get her on the blanket?”
“It wasn’t hard. I knew she was close by the way she was acting, and this stable is her territory. I laid some blankets in a few empty stalls, and she picked this one. They want a quiet, soft, safe place to have their babies. Look, here comes the first one.”
Sassy is on her side. Her stomach is clearly contracting. She keeps licking herself down there, then a yellow blob plops out. Sassy aggressively licks the new kitten.
“She has to break open the sac and stimulate their breathing,” she says. “Then she’ll chew off the umbilical cord.”
Another kitten follows a few minutes later, then three more. Five kittens in all. “Has she had kittens before?”
“This is her first litter.”
“So how did she know to lick the sac off them or they wouldn’t be able to breathe?”
“Instinct. It’s like when I had Vivian. I’d never been around babies much. I was terrified of holding her. I was convinced I’d drop her, and I actually thought she might break. But none of those things happened. I just knew how to hold her. And she had her own instincts. She latched on and fed almost immediately.” She glances at Sassy and her kittens. “Isn’t nature the most incredible thing?”
An hour later, everyone has long gone, but I’m still here. I can’t stop staring at the barn cat and her babies. It’s awe-inspiring. It’s inspirational. It’s—I look down and realize my hand is on my belly. I’m fourteen weeks pregnant, and it’s the first time I’ve unintentionally touched my tiny bump.
My phone pings with a text.
Aaron: The guests have gone into Fort Worth. Lots of supper leftover. Join me and Joe?
Me: At the stable. Be there in twenty. :-)
I sent a smiley face. I don’t think I’ve ever done that. Not since… before. I look at Sassy and smile.
Incredible smells bombard me when I enter the lodge kitchen. “What’s for supper?” I ask Joe.
“Hope you like beef stew.”
I try not to turn up my nose. I don’t tell him that I hope it’s better than the stew we ate once a week in jail. I doubt what we were served was even real meat. “Sounds good,” I say, vowing to choke it down with a smile.
Turns out I don’t have to pretend. It’s one of the best meals I’ve eaten. Joe has a way of taking ordinary food and turning it into a masterpiece.
“You look different,” he says, pointing his fork at me. “Somethin’s changed.”
Aaron and I share a glance.
Joe chuckles. “Ah, young love. It’s ’bout time you two gave in to it. Been seeing you sneak around for months now. You ain’t foolin’ no one. But it’s more than that, ain’t it? Seems a weight has been lifted. This whole damn room feels lighter.”
Joe has been a good friend to me. A father, even. I can’t believe what I’m going to say, but before I have time to think about it, I blurt, “I had a sister once.” Aaron gives my thigh an encouraging squeeze. “She died because of something I did, and I went to jail for a few years. That’s how I ended up here.”
Joe listens intently as I tell him my story. Then he picks up our dishes, puts them in the sink, and stands with his back to us for a good minute. He’s probably wondering what to say to me. Maybe he’s wondering if we can still be friends. Aaron and I glance at each other. I shrug.
“Cameron was my best friend,” Aaron says. “He’s dead because of me.”
Joe finally turns, blank-faced. He lets Aaron tell his story as well. Then he leaves the room.
“Do you think he hates us now?” I ask.
“He doesn’t hate us. It’s just a lot to process. I’m really proud of you, Devyn. That had to be hard for you.”
“Same for you. I know you haven’t told many people.”
“I told my parents last month.”
“What did they say?”
“That I should have said something sooner, like back when it happened. They’re coming here next week for a visit.”
“How come you didn’t say anything?”
“I only found out today. They had to move some things around on their schedule.”
“Do they know about me?”
“Of course.”
I sigh and look at the floor.
“I mean, yeah, they know I have this great girl I’m head over heels in love with, but that’s all.”
I bite my lip, then smile. “Head over heels?”
He leans over and kisses my cheek. “Since the day you punched me.”
Joe returns, sits at the table, pulls out his flask, takes a drink, then swallows. “My platoon died because of me.”
I can feel it hit Aaron with the same intensity it hits me. “Oh, Joe,” I say.
“Rule number one was don’t tell anyone where base camp was. Don’t tell no one about where we’re goin’ or what our mission was. I’d been in Vietnam for about ten months. We were surrounded by our brothers, but it was still lonely. We’d go into town for female companionship. Most of the time, that’s all it was. Then I met Mai Le. She was the most exotic beauty. Petite, spunky, and had the most incredible chocolate-brown eyes I’d ever seen.” He closes his eyes, and I know he’s seeing her. “She wasn’t just my Friday night gal. We were in love. I asked her to marry me. When she said yes, I was so excited I brought her back to camp to tell everyone. They gave me shit about it—warned me she could be with the Viet Cong and ridiculed me for being so gullible. But she was the one, I was sure of it. A few days later, she took me to see her parents so I could officially ask for her hand. They agreed, happy Mai was going back to the states with me. Later that night, when I returned to camp, my whole platoon was dead. They’d raided it and shot every single one of my brothers.”