Prologue One
Badger
Age 10
“Brett, where the fuck are you?” I flinch at my mom’s voice and bury myself further under all the stuff in my closet. It’s the only place I feel relatively safe. I don’t want her to find me. Not in the mood she’s in. I can’t take it again. Every time she gets in one of her moods or after a guy turns her away, I end up getting it.
“I swear to God, Brett, when I find you, I will beat your ass before anything else.” Her voice sounds closer as she moves through the room. I cover my mouth to keep her from hearing me breathing heavily. If she finds me, I know she will shove one of those little blue pills she keeps with her in my mouth and force me to swallow. I don’t like the way they make me feel. And I really don’t like what happens after. But after last night, I don’t want to do it again. I was scared. She lies and says it’s exercise and it’s good for me, but I know it’s not.
Even at my age, I know it’s wrong. They teach us about it at school. But I’m scared to say anything. What would happen to me? I don’t have anyone else. My dad’s in jail for something I know he didn’t do all because of her. He doesn’t get out for another three years and that’s with good behavior. By then, who knows what could happen.
My heart is pounding in my chest as I hear her opening the closet door. Please don’t see me. Please don’t. Squeezing my eyes closed, I pray.
“Where the hell did that kid go?” she mutters, slamming the closet door. I don’t let out the breath I’d been holding until I know for sure she exits the room.
I’m safe now, but for how long? I wish my dad was here. None of this would be happening. He’d kill her for what she’s been doing. Why she had to lie to the cops about him I’ll never know, but I know the truth. If only I could find a way to tell my story.
In school, they teach us to speak up. But how? With my dad gone, this is all I know. They probably wouldn’t even believe me if I did. “It’s our little secret, baby. You don’t say a word. If you do, no one would believe you anyway. No one ever believes boys.” Her words pop into my head.
Shaking my head, I wish there was someone who would believe me. However, in this community, my mom is well known.
I thought about going to my dad’s friends. The guys my mom thinks he didn’t hang out with anymore. Bear, my dad’s best friend, catches up with me every once in a while, and Stoney too. Usually, it’s when they know my mom isn’t home. So many times I’ve wanted to say something to them. I want to trust that they would help me, but would they believe me?
Maybe when I get older, I’ll be just like my dad and his friends and ride a motorcycle. Least then I can feel free. Who knows, maybe I could even join the club? The one my mom made dad supposedly leave. But again, I know the truth to that as well. I know everything. Like how the only reason my dad married mom was because of me. He didn’t want her to keep me from him. Now, he’s in jail and I’m stuck with her.
I’m stuck in this house with the worst kinda monster who I want nothing more than to escape from.
Prologue Two
Jordan
Age 16
Terror fills me as I hear him scream my name. I wish like hell I didn’t have to live with him. But he threatened to beat my momma if I didn’t.
Granted, my momma shouldn’t be worried about him so much. Not with her sister being associated with a motorcycle club. Yet, I still didn’t want to take the chance.
“Jordan, get your fuckin’ ass in here now,” my dad demands. Why I still call him dad is beyond me. He’s nothing but a monster who rules my life. If not for school, I’d be lucky to ever have an escape from him.
Sighing, I clutch the towel tighter against me. I usually try to have my shower out of the way before he gets home. However, I was running late getting home from school.
Opening the bathroom door, I step out into the hallway, hanging my head down. I’m not supposed to look up unless he tells me to. Says it’s not a woman’s place to look at a man unless she’s told to.
“About damn time, you worthless bitch,” he spits out. “Why isn’t dinner ready yet?”
“I’m sorry, I ran late getting home from school,” I murmur.
“Excuses is all that is. What, you had to wash off the smell of the men you fucked when you got home?” He growls, grabbing my arm and throwing me against the wall. “I swear, you're more pathetic than your older brothers.”
Why does he always bring up my brothers? Brothers I’ve never even met.
Clutching the towel tighter around me, I straighten myself off the wall and begin to head for the kitchen. But Dad seems to have other plans for me. Wrenching me back by my hair, he rips the towel off my body. I learned not to let nudity bother me a long time ago. He once withheld my clothes for an entire week in the middle of winter.
“You know the rules, Jordan,” he says snidely as he drags me against him and grips my throat.
As tears fill my eyes out of fear, I nod my head. I know the rules. Hell, I fear those rules more than anything. But I know what will happen if I try to speak up. He will have no problem going after my mom and no one will stop him.
“Now, bend over the couch and take your punishment,” he mutters, throwing me toward the floor.
Leaning over the couch, I clench my eyes shut and wait. When dealing with my dad, I know better than to talk back or even attempt to fight back. He will always make it worse.
I inwardly cry out as his belt lands against my ass. I’ll take this over having him do other things. Things I don’t want to think about. Though he’s never personally done anything with his body, he’s made sure I never want to be with a man.
“I’ve told you, Jordan, I fuckin’ own you. You’re my daughter and will do as you’re told. Learn now or I will up your punishments to even more. Am I understood?” he says, hitting me three more times before stepping away.
Nodding, I don’t move. I can’t.
“Good, now get your ass in the kitchen and fix dinner. I’ve got friends coming over later and you need to be in your room unless you want to be the entertainment.”
God, that’s the last thing I want. Honestly, this isn’t the life I wanted— not one bit. But to keep him away from my mom, I’ll do anything. I don’t even think she knows exactly what kind of monster he is. Otherwise, she would have demanded I stay with her. Instead, the courts sided with my dad, probably because he had the judge in his pocket.
Will my life ever get easier? I highly doubt it. Like my dad says, he owns me.
Chapter One
Jordan
The lights come on and the music has turned to my song as the DJ introduces me by my stage name, Vixen. Stepping out on stage, I walk seductively to the middle and begin by wrapping a leg around the pole as the words to Nothing Else Matters by Metallica come through the speakers.
And right now, nothing matters. Not while I’m dancing. It’s the only time I really feel free. Between working with Dr. Connors at the clinic, seeing my brothers without speaking to them, and my dad, this is the only time I can be myself. When I can express my pain through my body.