She flinched. “Thanks.”
Fucking asshole. “You know what I mean. Whenever we’re together, we’re usually yelling at each other or snarling.”
“Or helping each other with papers, or you’re doing housework for me while I cook for you. We are friends, Tanner.”
“Why did you wait so damn long if you were only going to have sex with me some random afternoon? I thought you would want it to be special.”
She blushed again. “It was special. It’s something that I chose. I didn’t have sex before because I didn’t have a boyfriend I wanted to have sex with. Or a girlfriend, for that matter. It just didn’t come up—and don’t make a dirty joke,” she added quickly.
I snorted. “Fine, I still don’t know why me.”
“I like you. And not like that, Tanner, so you can just get that panic out of your eyes. I like you. I respect you. So, yes, we had sex. Now, we don’t have to talk about it anymore. Especially if you’re going to act like this.” She folded her arms under her breasts, and I did my best to maintain eye contact. It was tough when all I wanted to do was put my mouth on those nipples of hers again. They were so fucking perfect, and I loved how they hardened in my mouth, becoming little points like red cherries.
Fuck, I needed to stop thinking about her like that.
“Damn it, Natalie. I don’t know what we’re supposed to do now.”
She bit her lip, and I wanted to lean down and brush my tongue over it. This was going to be a problem. Yet I knew it had been an issue long before this. Hence why I did my best to stay away from her.
“We don’t have to do anything about it. It was a moment, and now we can walk away as friends and keep doing what we’ve been doing.”
We both knew that wouldn’t happen, but I wasn’t sure I could say that.
“You’re okay? I didn’t hurt you?” And that was the crux of the problem. I’d had sex before, lots of it. I’d been in a poly relationship for nearly a year before this. I liked sex and thought I was damn good at it, but I’d never been with a virgin before. I’d never been with Natalie before. Why did it feel like everything was already different?
She smiled softly, and my dick got hard again. “I’m fine. It was great, Tanner. I’m not going to say it was nice because that would be disrespectful to both of us, but I had fun. I promise. And we can just talk like we used to—and not talk about this again.”
She was giving me an easy out, and I hated that I wanted to take it.
My phone buzzed, and I looked down at the alarm. “Fuck. I have to go into work.” Her eyes widened, and I snorted. “Hey, at least I don’t have to lie to you about where I’m going anymore.”
“As long as you enjoy what you’re doing,” she muttered.
Was that jealousy in her tone? I didn’t think so. I was a little too confused after the day, and I didn’t know what we were doing.
“It pays the bills. I won’t have to keep doing it for long. And I don’t get fully naked, so there’s that.”
“I’m kind of glad you don’t, although maybe that is the selfish part of me talking.” She winked as she said it. I swallowed hard. I knew I could just leave, but I didn’t. I moved forward, cupped her face, and lowered my lips to hers. She was so soft against me and let out a breath as I kissed her.
“Be safe,” I whispered. Then, I hugged her hard like I always did because I loved how she felt against me, all soft yet not mine. “I’ve got to go, Natalie.”
“Just don’t say you’re sorry,” she mumbled against me. I felt as if I’d been kicked in the gut. I had almost said those words, but if I had, she never would have forgiven me. So, instead, I kissed the top of her head, ran my hand down her back, and left.
I did need to go to work. Natalie knew that. Still, I was the asshole who’d left the girl whose virginity he’d just taken all alone in her room.
I was going to a very special hell.
I rolled my shoulders back and headed out of the house. Thankfully, nobody had come home in the time I’d been there because we had left Natalie’s door open, and anyone would have been able to see and hear what we had done. I hadn’t told Natalie not to tell her friends. If she told the girls what had happened, then so be it. I would deal with the consequences as long as Natalie didn’t need to deal with them. If they looked down on her for sleeping with me? Then I’d have to say something. I didn’t mind what they thought about me, but fuck if they’d make Natalie feel bad for enjoying herself.
I made my way down to the club, parked in the employee lot, and walked through the back door. I nodded at a few bouncers getting ready and setting up, and at the bartender also prepping for the evening. I made my way back to the locker room and was grateful to see that I was one of the first people there, so I didn’t have to deal with any questioning glances. I liked most of the people I worked with, just not everybody. Some were assholes, and some wanted more from one another than just stripping. That wasn’t me. I was here to do a job. To get in and get out. I didn’t do some of the back-room things that some of the other dancers did. Not that they did anything on the grounds, but there were other ways to make money, and the boss turned a blind eye as long as those things weren’t done in the club itself.
I saw JC sitting on the bench, looking in his locker for something, and went over to the older man—my one good friend here.
“What’s troubling you, Tanner?” JC asked, his deep baritone vibrating in a grumble.
I lifted my chin. “You haven’t even looked up at me. How the hell do you know anything’s wrong?”
“You’re stomping your feet as you walk,” he answered as he pulled out his leather pants with the hidden snaps on the side.
“Well, fuck,” I said, looking down at my boots. “That’s good to know.”
“Can’t change your tread, even though I know you would try, just to spite me.”
“Thanks,” I said dryly.
“So, what’s wrong?” he asked as he looked towards me, his brown eyes piercing. JC was about six-five, all muscle and dark brown skin that shone under the fluorescent lighting.
He raised a brow at me, and I sighed.
“A lot is going on, And I know that I only have another few months before I’m done with this.”
“Good for you,” he said dryly.
I winced. “Not that working here is wrong,” I corrected.
JC snorted. “Yeah, no. We’re not going to go into that,” the other man said. “I’m working here as a second job. The medical bills will dwindle soon, and I won’t need it anymore.”
I grinned. “You and Zeke are okay, then?”
JC and Zeke had been together for nearly twenty years, married for the past five. Zeke had gotten sick right before their wedding, and they were still dealing with the debt from medical bills.
“Almost done. Maybe we’ll be finished at the same time.”
“From your mouth to the bouncers’ ears,” I mumbled.
“Now, tell me what’s going on.”
“I slept with Natalie,” I blurted, and JC’s eyes widened.
For some reason, I could bare my soul to JC. He knew all about me losing my dad in Afghanistan and me having to support my mother and little brother. He knew about the asshole who wanted to be my stepdad, and about the roommates and all of the women. He knew about my exes, the poly relationship I had been in that had formed into a cheating nightmare, even though I was still friends with them.