JC knew nearly everything about me, and he told me a lot about his life, as well, even though we didn’t hang out much except for at the café after we were both done with work. He was like my sponsor, but maybe for an addiction to fucking things up rather than drinking.
“Well, then. It looks like we’re going to have a fun conversation after work tonight.”
I cringed. “It just happened. Literally right before I came here.”
“That’s why you look somewhat sated and strung out all at once? Good to know. Put it into your act tonight. Make a few extra bucks. And then we’ll talk about it.”
“I shouldn’t have touched her, JC.”
“Why do you think that?” he asked as he shucked his jeans. I did the same, getting ready for my shift.
“I’m not good enough for her. We both know it.”
“You’re lucky we’re on work grounds, or I’d slap you upside the head.”
“It wouldn’t help. Nothing’s going to pry what’s up there loose.”
“You’re an idiot.”
“I’m not. Natalie is on such a different level.”
“Levels can be even. One doesn’t need to be better than the other.”
“The whole point of levels is that you go up or down.”
“Unless they’re in two separate buildings, and you’re both on the same wavelength.”
“I have no idea what this metaphor even means anymore,” I grumbled, and JC laughed.
“She’s not better than you because she comes from money. She’s not better than you because of her degree. She’s not better than you because she doesn’t work here. She’s just different. And something must have happened to allow you to sleep with each other. That’s something you’ll need to think on. Something we’ll talk about later.”
He gestured over his shoulder, and I looked as a few other people walked in, all laughing and getting ready for the evening.
I sighed and started putting on my uniform.
Tonight, I would be the bad boy on stage, using what fate had given me so I could pay for school.
I gyrated, rolled my hips, and brooded at the crowd. All for money so I could have a life.
While Natalie sat at home, working on her homework and getting ready to be a social worker. She would save the world while I was merely living in it.
I shouldn’t have touched her. Even before I knew she was a virgin, she had been off-limits.
And I had taken something that didn’t belong to me. While the selfish part of me wanted more, everything else knew I shouldn’t.
I knew it was a mistake.
I couldn’t touch her again, no matter how much I wanted to. No matter how much I’d always wanted to.
Five
Natalie
Did I look different? No. Maybe a little more confused, peaceful, or even energized in the eyes if I looked closely. But that wasn’t the case in truth.
Not when I honestly thought about it.
I was no longer a virgin.
Ring the bell, sound the alarm, tell the town crier.
Natalie Blake had lost that pesky virginity.
I knew I should probably feel different than I did, and yet I wasn’t even sure what I felt. It’d happened perfectly. While Tanner might not think so, I did. It was what I’d wanted. When I wanted it. And with the person I wanted it with. Tanner might not be my forever, but he had been my right then, and that was all that mattered. I still didn’t think I had owed him an explanation beforehand. Yet I felt terrible about it. I didn’t feel bad that he had been the one I’d slept with, but that he felt responsible for that fact. It wasn’t like I could apologize to him, though. That would just be ridiculous.
Our afternoon had been nearly three days ago now, and we hadn’t spoken since. That wasn’t too different than usual. We were all in the middle of school and dealing with our lives. I had internship hours, volunteer hours, and charity work on top of my classes. I didn’t know when I slept, but I made things work. When I saw Tanner next, I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to act or how I would react, yet in the end, all that mattered was that we remained friends. At least, that’s what I told myself.
Tonight, however, was not about that. No, it was all about dinner with the family again. I didn’t usually have so many meals with them, but I knew my mother was trying to make sure I was happy. And if that meant getting married, even better. That was her goal.
Which was why I currently sat at my family’s formal dining room table, wearing a fancy dress and pearl earrings as I sat next to an older gentleman who was, apparently, my date.
He was some friend of my father’s, though not as old as my dad. In his late thirties or early forties, he was kind, a widower, and seemed to be looking for wife number two.
He was a great man, and I vaguely remembered meeting him when I was younger.
However, he was at least fifteen years older than me, we had nothing in common other than my parents, and he didn’t seem to be at all interested in whatever my mother had planned. He’d probably thought he was coming over to schmooze with my father and had ended up on an accidental date with me.
I’m quite the prize, it seems.
I ignored that dark thought and did my best to focus on what was in front of me.
“Natalie is almost finished with her degree. I love that it will help her so much with the charities we run as a family.”
I looked up at that as my mother smiled over at Arnold.
I loved my mother. I really did. She wasn’t cruel, wasn’t too demanding. But this was laying it on a little thick. And she didn’t seem to understand that I wouldn’t be following in her footsteps.
“I hope that it will help me in my charity work, but I also plan on going into social work. Children and families need help, and I want to be there. That’s why I’m getting my degree. And I’m not done yet. I want a master’s, as well.” I looked over at Arnold, who smiled softly at me. There was genuine interest in his eyes, at least about my plans. He was friendly and didn’t seem too bored with what I was talking about.
That had to count as something. It just wouldn’t count for precisely what he was thinking, or at least what my parents were thinking.
My dad looked over at my mother, and I saw the exasperation in his expression.
Dad was usually on board with my mother’s schemes to marry me off, but this might’ve been stretching things a little too far. After all, Dad would have to go golfing with Arnold later. I wondered to myself if Arnold drank Arnold Palmers. I held back a snort that wouldn’t be ladylike and ignored my mother’s groan. She could always tell when my mind wandered, and it seemed today was no different.
“Are you looking for universities now? I’m trying to remember what the timing is on that.”
The subtle comment about the difference in our ages and what he remembered hit home, and he blushed.
He was a nice man, but did nothing for me. All I could think about was Tanner and how he moved, the way he tasted, and how he’d touched me.
And that was enough of that for tonight.
My mother could practically read my thoughts, and I had a feeling that once she met Tanner, she would know exactly where my mind went far too often.