Then again, this was who I was. The man I’d become. This was a place I knew I’d always end up. Natalie had seen it all. Maybe it was good that I had never told her I loved her. There was no coming back from that. Now that she had seen who I truly was, she’d walk away.
Frankly, I wouldn’t blame her.
Eighteen
Natalie
I waited in the police station, clasping and unclasping my hands in front of me. I had been shaking and called Dillon as soon as I got into my car. He now stood beside me, the other roommates deciding not to join us in case it was too much for Tanner once he got out—or too much for everybody standing there.
“I’d ask if you’re okay, but clearly, you’re not.”
“He shouldn’t have been the one in the back of that cop car,” I whispered. “He shouldn’t be here.”
“I know,” Dillon said.
“Jared should be here. You didn’t hear the things he said. See what he did.” I swallowed hard, ignoring the bile rising up the back of my throat. I could still feel Jared’s hand on my leg, and I wanted to go home and shower. To forget this had ever happened. But I couldn’t yet. First, I needed to deal with the rest of the evening.
I was so afraid that what had happened tonight would hurt Tanner’s chances for everything he had planned for after graduation. Would the Montgomerys understand? Would his grad school?
I didn’t know, but I was honestly worried.
I was so scared, and I wasn’t sure what we were supposed to do now. Regardless, I would stand by his side and hope that he understood that this wasn’t his fault and that I was here for him.
“We’ll figure it out. All of us.”
I looked up and saw Dillon’s frown. “Did I say that out loud?”
“No, but I saw it on your face. Tanner is a good person. He doesn’t deserve this. He’s worked hard to get where he is, and one asshole isn’t going to change that.” He whispered the last part, and I knew it was for my benefit. There were cops all around, but everything felt all-consuming and painful.
I wasn’t sure what we were supposed to do, but I knew I wanted to go home. Needed to make sure that Tanner knew we were safe. And that I wouldn’t walk away.
I should have told him how I felt. I should have told him so much. Maybe if I had, he wouldn’t blame himself for everything.
I looked up as Isabella and Jared walked past, and I wanted to scream. Isabella should have stood up for her son. She should have done something. I hated her just a little bit right now. From the look on her face, though, it looked as if she hated herself more.
She stepped forward and pulled away from Jared when he scowled.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered.
“What’s going to happen?” I asked, my voice wooden. I would not give this woman the benefit of the doubt. Would not trust her or believe her. She had let her son be whisked away in handcuffs and hadn’t pleaded for him. She had merely stood there in shock. No. I couldn’t like her right now, at least not until Tanner was out and safe.
“Jared isn’t pressing charges.” She scowled over at the man and raised her chin, making me like her a bit more. “He won’t.”
“Good,” I exhaled, relief spreading through me. “Because I’ll be pressing charges if Jared doesn’t drop them against Tanner.”
I met Isabella’s gaze and then glared at Jared.
“Really? You think that’s going to work for me?”
“Try me,” I said but stopped when an officer led Tanner out. His fingertips had dark ink on them, and I wanted to scream. Wanted to shout. But there was nothing I could do. At least, not in front of these people.
The officer said a few things, but I couldn’t hear what. All I could do was wait to take Tanner home so I could tell him that everything would be okay. Relief speared me at the thought that Jared wouldn’t be pressing charges, but this wasn’t over. Not by a long shot.
My body started shaking, and Tanner cursed under his breath. He spared a look for his mother, who leaned closer to Jared, and I had to wonder what the hell would happen with them. When she walked away, I saw the hurt in Tanner’s face from where he stood in front of me. He cupped my face and leaned forward. “Breathe. You’re okay.”
“But what about you?”
“Let’s just go home.”
Home. That had to count for something. It needed to.
At least, that’s what I hoped.
“Thanks for getting here. Did you drive?” Tanner met my gaze, and I nodded.
“I drove right over. The officer said they were bringing you to the station, and I got here as quickly as possible. I called the rest of the roommates. They’re all at the house. They didn’t want to overwhelm you.”
I felt like I was overwhelming him right then, so I didn’t say anything else. He looked at Dillon and nodded. “Thanks for staying with her.”
“I’ll follow you back to the house,” Dillon said, and there was no room for argument there.
I was glad that Dillon could speak because I felt as if I had too many emotions swirling in me and couldn’t keep up.
We made our way to the car, and Tanner gripped my hand. I didn’t know if he was using me as a lifeline or trying to say he could be mine. Either way, I leaned into him, holding onto his arm as our fingers tangled. “Let’s get home. You’ve got to be hungry.”
“I honestly don’t think I could eat right now, Natalie.”
“Okay. Whatever you want.”
“You don’t need to be nice to me.”
We got in the car, and I frowned at him.
“What do you mean? I’m not nice. I’m just me.”
He gave me a sad smile. “You know the truth in that statement hits home, doesn’t it?” I didn’t know what he meant by that, but we sat in silence as we headed home, dealt with traffic, and finally pulled into the guys’ driveway.
Dillon parked beside us, and I was grateful that he didn’t block me in. I didn’t know if Tanner would want me to stay, and that thought hurt me.
I put my hand over my stomach, but the baby wasn’t kicking. They were finally sleeping after a long day of somersaults, and I was grateful for that.
I followed Dillon inside, Tanner behind me. I looked over my shoulder. But there was nothing on his face. His expression was stony. As if he were so ashamed, he needed to hide.
“I’m glad you’re here.” Pacey lifted his chin as he came up to Tanner. “We were about to bake a cake with a file in it,” he added, trying to alleviate the tension.
Tanner smiled, though it didn’t reach his eyes. I wasn’t sure what to say, but I knew this wasn’t working. I wanted some time alone with him. To tell him that things would be okay. But he let go of my hand and pulled away from me.
It felt as if he had kicked me, but I didn’t let it show.
He moved to the sideboard and poured himself a finger of whiskey. “Sorry to worry you guys. Everything’s fine. Jared’s not pressing charges.”
“Is he still staying with your mom, then?” Elise asked, frowning.
“Looks like,” Tanner said as he downed his drink in one gulp. “I’ve got to figure out what the fuck to do about her, but especially about Cody. I don’t want him anywhere near Jared.”