“Shouldn’t you be in your nice warm office?” I changed the subject, and he smiled at me. Maybe I needed to do that? Get everything off my chest. Then what? Tell him that I was confused and miserable, and dreamed about kisses I couldn’t have? Lucas and Duncan had both offered to talk about some nebulous thing they thought I needed to get off my chest—maybe I did need to do that, but with Callum? Of all my brothers he was the easiest one to talk to.
“I’m working from home, and Brooke says the baby wants hot chocolate from the Simpkin’s cabin, with extra cream.” He shrugged in that what-are-you-going-to-do kind of way.
“It is good hot chocolate, but don’t forget the marshmallows.”
“She’d kill me if I did that.”
“Yep.”
He shuddered in mock horror, then huffed. “It’s just her way of getting me out of the way because Kai just turned up at the house, and he looked as if he’d been crying or something, and there’s trouble coming from that.”
“Crying?”
“Well, he was all red-faced and tight-lipped, you know how intense he can get at times. But it’s not just that, what with ignoring the family chat since the summer, plus this last week or so he’s been ignoring Brooke’s calls, and… gah, don’t ask.”
I really wanted to ask, but that would’ve been weird. He would be telling her he was retiring, but it wasn’t my place to tell Callum, even if he was my brother.
“Anyway, I was happy to get out.” Callum rolled his neck and sighed. “I’m trying to clear everything off my desk so I can stop this weekend, have the time leading up to Christmas and the baby off. With the kids and all, Brooke is tired.”
“You know I’m here to help. I can take the kids out.” I loved Charlie and Alice, and I was a hands-on uncle.
“You already do enough. Mom has them until she goes to the store to help Dad. Besides, you have the girls with you later at the great tree-decorating event.”
“And Charlie and Mitchell, post-hockey practice.”
“Hang on, Duncan said he was taking them out after that, what happened?”
“Sydney is doing last-minute shopping, or so Duncan said.” We exchanged eye-rolls at that. Then, I pretended to flex a muscle. “Super Uncle to the rescue.”
He knocked my elbow. “Best uncle ever, and Alice is so excited about decorating Mom’s tree. She and Brooke already made an entire family of glitter-covered snowmen just for you to put on there.”
The best part of Christmas, decorating the family tree, was a responsibility I took very seriously. It seemed Alice had inherited my love of all things shiny Christmas. “An entire family? That just proves I’m her favorite uncle,” I teased. At least, sitting there with Callum, I could stop thinking about Kai, and stop wondering what in God’s name was going on right now.
“Of course, you are,” he examined my face as if he were looking for something. “Hey, Bails, I wanted to ask you something.”
“Shoot.”
“Is everything okay?”
“Sure,” I said lightly.
“Have you seen Kai?”
“Briefly.”
“Have you…” Callum appeared to be searching for the right words. “Bails, you know you can talk to me, right?”
Jesus, what was it with my brothers? “About what, specifically?”
“Christmas, decorating, jewelry, anything at all. Kai.”
“Why would I want to talk about Kai—”
“Never mind,” he interrupted and wrinkled his nose at me, then stood and brushed at his pants, which were damp with snow. “You know where I am, and right now, part one of the hot chocolate mission is a go. Don’t stay out in the cold too long—you can’t decorate a tree if you’re a popsicle.”
He left then, with a wave that I returned.
I took a more direct route home, knowing that Kai was with his sister, and I wouldn’t accidentally see him and have to talk to him. As soon as the door shut behind me, I felt centered, calmer, as if the noise of the world was deadened.
I wished it was as easy to understand Kai.
Chapter Nine
KAI
“Took you long enough,” Brooke snapped at me as soon as she opened the door. I knew I’d fucked up. I understood I’d be in serious trouble with my sister, but the last thing I wanted to do was argue with my pregnant sister. Particularly when she was only a short time away from the big day.
“Can I come in?”
“I suppose so,” she huffed, then turned and headed down the hall, leaving me standing. I stamped off the snow, stepped inside, shut the door, then removed my boots and coat before padding through the decorated hallway, glancing at all the family photos decorated with paper snowflakes. The entire house was a nod to Christmas, from the front yard full of decorations, to the strands of icicle lights adorning their large house. The moment I stepped inside, even though Brooke was pissed at me, I felt warm and loved. I stopped at one family photo taken the Christmas before the summer I was drafted. Brooke, Mom, Dad, and I were wearing Santa hats and grinning like idiots in the most hideous Christmas sweaters. Brooke was the image of Mom in the photo, and for a moment, I allowed all the grief of losing Mom to escape from the quiet parts where I kept them.
“I miss you, Mom,” I murmured, kissed my finger, and pressed it to the photo.
Then, shoulders back, I found Brooke in the kitchen, where she was fussing over something at the sink and not looking at me.
“Sorry, Sis,” I said.
“So you should be,” she said tiredly, and then turned to face me, leaning back on the counter. What I wanted to do was head over for a hug—we’d always been close, and I loved her -- but I knew I’d messed up too much to expect a return on any offered affection until I’d explained everything.
“I saw Callum leaving?”
“I sent him out for hot chocolate when I saw you at the front door,” she admitted. “I don’t think he needs to hear me shouting.”
Uh oh.
“How are you?” I moved a little closer—just out of reach, but close enough to see how tired she appeared.
“Pregnant.” She rested her hands on her belly.
“Uhm, Dad seems good.” I went for neutral ground. “He and Megan I mean.”
“Uh huh.”
“I apologized to him, for what I said at the barbecue, about him replacing Mom with Megan. I didn’t mean it, and I love that he’s happy.”
She tilted her chin in a familiar stubborn pose. “That was the shittiest thing I’ve ever heard you say.”
I winced and felt lower than a snake in an underpass. “I know.”
“But that was months ago, Kai Buchanan, and that’s not why I’m pissed at you now. You haven’t spoken to me in three weeks and five days.”
Jesus, had it been that long? I knew I wasn’t always the best at communication, but I had FaceTimed Brooke at least once a week before the summer, and I had returned her texts after, tried to apologize but not wanting to face my guilt face-to-face. That had stopped when I’d had decisions to make, and now I needed to explain before I fucked up yet another thing. “I know.”