“Love you too, Sis,” I said into her long dark hair, and we held each other for a while before she backed off and pointed at the kitchen.
“I have a ton of pickle jars you can open while we wait for Dad.”
“You hold the jars and I’ll use my good hand,” I joked. Turned out we’d just finished our hot chocolate—the best hot chocolate and the same as I remembered from when I was a kid—when Dad arrived. Callum came in as well, and we all sat down, then I went right in with all the bad parts first.
“Okay, cutting to the chase. I’m retiring. No, I’m retired now. Officially done. My choice.”
Dad nodded as if he’d known all along. Brooke’s eyes were still wet, and Callum’s mouth fell open. I forged ahead to get everything out. Emotion choked me, and my eyes burned as Dad reached over and took my hand. It always used to be Mom sitting facing me, doling out her wisdom. Hell, I could almost imagine her right there, patting my hand and telling me that family mattered, that life mattered, and I needed to follow my heart. She’d always been so good at that.
“Specifically, my wrist healed okay, but all it would take is one more bad hit and all the work would come undone. Plus, two concussions, and a broken jaw in the last three years.” That and the dreams. “I wanted to come home.”
Brooke reached for Callum’s hand.
“Kai, I don’t know what to say…” Dad murmured.
“I promise it’s fine. Coming home in the summer, I was taking strong pain meds after the op, and with the drink… I think it was as if the family was my safe space to have a breakdown, only I couldn’t explain why, because I hadn’t come to terms with what I wanted to do. I’m so sorry to you all.”
“You’re an idiot, Kai,” Brooke murmured.
I nodded and she gave me a wobbly smile.
“I’ve considered my options; I have plans for my future. I just don’t want you to think I’m giving up for nothing because there are a ton of reasons why I want to stop.”
“You’re not giving up, and I couldn’t be prouder of you, Kai,” Dad said.
Brooke huffed a laugh. “And now you can spend all that money you have.”
She wasn’t wrong. I had more than a few seasons at six million under my belt, a property portfolio in Albany, investments, college funds for my nieces and nephews, with a new one starting for the baby, and still had money left. I’d paid off my dad’s house, and wanted to pay off Brooke’s, but she wouldn’t let me. I had way too much, but money wasn’t everything; it wasn’t why I played—it had been a happy result of doing the one thing I loved. Hockey had been my world, and I’d sacrificed so much to get to this point. Family. Friends. Vacations. Love.
I couldn’t think about all the things I’d missed out on. Because each time I chose hockey over them, there had been valid reasons at the time. I’d made those decisions. Me.
“When I came home, hell, I was spiraling, and then…” Then, Bailey told me to breathe, and things began to slip into place.
“You had all of this in your head then?” Dad sounded as if maybe something was making sense.
“Hysteria, everything ending, beer, meds, exhaustion. I’m sorry.”
Dad and Brooke exchanged glances. “What will you do next?” Dad asked.
“Are you trying to get rid of me?” I joked, but neither of them smiled, so I cleared my throat and forged ahead. “I’ve decided to move back home to meet my new niece, spend time with the kids, decorate trees, build snowmen, and also… never mind.”
“What?”
I wasn’t ready to talk about Bailey. Those thoughts were still my secret, and they would be until I made sense of everything in my head.
“We’re always here for you,” Dad said.
“Yeah,” Callum added.
“Always,” Brooke said, and then there was an awkward silence, which I had no idea how to break. Then she sighed noisily, and all three of them exchanged pointed glances as if they were wondering who was going to talk next.
“It’s always me,” Brooke said with a huff after their weirdly silent conversation. What on earth had to be said that no one wanted to say anything?
“You’re good at this.” Dad knocked my sister’s elbow.
“Go wifey!” Callum added, with weak jazz hands.
“What?” I glanced at them each in turn.
Callum wouldn’t meet my gaze; Dad was frowning; and Brooke seemed resigned.
“It’s about Bailey,” she said.
Oh god. What? Was something wrong with Bailey? “What about Bailey?” I asked in a rush of worry and fear.
Brooke’s eyes widened, then she cleared her throat. “What are you going to do about Bailey?”
“I—"
“You should talk to him,” Brooke pointed out.
“Well, uhmmm.” I was in shock because no one was supposed to know about how I felt about Bailey. “I’ve apologized to him about July.” That was a start, right?
“Not an apology, idiot. You need to tell him how you feel.”
“I am sorry,” I said, deliberately misunderstanding, because I could see the intense expression my sister had going on.
“I’ll kill you if you hurt him.” Callum folded his arms over his chest, then subsided when Brooke and my dad side-eyed him. “Well, it’s what big brothers say, right?”
“Yes, dear,” Brooke offered, with a pat to his leg.
“I don’t understand,” I said, even though actually, I understood very well.
“Come on, Kai.” Brooke sounded exasperated. “It’s time to tell Bailey that you’ve been in love with him for years, and how he’s oblivious to it, and how much you want to kiss him.”
“Brooke!” Dad exclaimed, then snorted a laugh.
She pointed at me. “You. Bailey. Kiss. Love. Happy ever after.”
“Also don’t hurt him,” Callum repeated, in all seriousness.
“I don’t know where to start,” I began, and three sets of eyebrows raised in silent surprise. “I fucked it all up in the summer.” No one disagreed with me, but they were waiting for me to admit what they seemed to think they knew.
“You hurt him,” Callum grumped.
“I didn’t mean to—I just needed to process all the feelings I had inside me and, then there was the meds and the beer…” I realized I was pressing my hand to my heart, and that I was having an intensely serious conversation about things I couldn’t make sense of myself.
“Does he talk about what happened? About me?” I finally asked.
Brooke grinned at me. “Finally, the great hockey star admits he’s interested in his small-town love.”
“I’m not admitting anything, I’m… well, hell…” What was the point in prevaricating? If I couldn’t tell my closest family how I felt, then what chance did I have of ever telling Bailey. “I think I love Bailey.” Brooked snorted, and I held up a hand. “No, I know I love him, and it’s happened slowly, over the past few years, when I realized he’s all I can think about. So, I’ve stopped running, and I’ve come home to see if he can love me back.”