“This whole thing you’ve got going on,” Bri paused to wave her hand at me, “isn’t about Jamie’s lying, it’s about you not believing that you’re worthy of a viscount, a viscount who happens to be in love with you. As your best friend, I have to say, stop it. You are more than worthy of him, in fact, he’s damn lucky to have found you. Now, we made a pact to aim high, so do it!”
My mouth opened and then shut and then opened again but nothing came out. I had a rebuttal, I did, but the words scattered and I couldn’t form a solid argument, mostly because I had a deep-seated suspicion that Bri was right. I had let go of Jamie and our relationship far too easily. I was obviously in fight-or-flight mode, which for me is always flight.
“Ms. Graham, can I interest you in a stroll on the veranda?”
I whirled around to find the earl standing there. Dressed in a costume much like his grandson, the elderly man leaned on his cane and smiled at me with the same twinkle in his bright blue eyes that Jamie had.
“Of course,” I said. He held out his arm and I slipped my hand onto the inside of his elbow. I glanced over my shoulder at Bri, and she gave me a wide-eyed look that I knew meant Look at you! Me, Molly Graham, on the arm of an earl. She had a point.
Our progress was slow, for which I was grateful because it gave me a chance to appreciate the magnificent ball.
The costumes, the decorations, and the atmosphere were all breathtaking. The musicians, also dressed in period clothing, played a quadrille and several people were dancing in the center of the room. The regency buff inside me was positively giddy. Unfortunately, the part of me that was longing to share all of this with Jamie was having a big sulk, and she was winning. My gaze was drawn to him no matter how hard I tried not to ignore him.
A waiter stopped beside us and offered champagne. The earl leaned close and said, “Take two.”
I let go of his arm and chose two glasses off the tray. We greeted people as we made our way across the room to the open French doors. A cool evening breeze blew gently, stirring the long drapes. We stepped outside onto the terrace, which overlooked the immaculate lawn and I breathed deeply of the sweet spring air. I realized with a pang that I would miss this place even while I knew I didn’t belong.
I handed the earl a glass of champagne. He held it up and considered the line of bubbles visible in the white lights strung up across the terrace.
“Jamie tells me he offered you the librarian position,” the earl said.
I took a sip, bracing myself for the earl’s opinion on this. He couldn’t possibly approve and I fully expected him to tell me as much. “Yes, he did.”
“And you turned it down,” he said.
“I already have a job in New York.”
“Are you happy in that job?”
“I am.” This was true. It was the rest of my life that was lacking.
“Do you think you could be equally as happy with the job here?”
I hadn’t expected that question. Considering for a second, I stared up at the manor, with its thick stone walls, arched windows, and insanely beautiful library. While I loved everything about it, there was no denying I was a square peg in this place of noble history. I simply didn’t fit.
“I don’t belong here,” I said. It was the most delicate way I could put it.
“I disagree,” he said. “I read your profile on the museum’s website. You have degrees in literature, library science, and museum studies. You’re more than qualified.”
“On paper, yes,” I agreed. “But this life, this world, is too much.” I paused and spread my arms wide to encompass the entire estate.
One silver eyebrow lifted as the earl considered me. “Is this because you’re American?”
“Among other things,” I said. I realized I was going to have to be blunt. “I don’t know how much Jamie has told you—”
“He told me that he’s in love with you,” the earl said.
My heart dropped down to my feet. Jamie told his grandfather that? I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. I did neither.
“Jamie is a wonderful man,” I said.
“But?” the earl prompted.
“He doesn’t understand that we come from two very different worlds,” I said. “I could never fit into his and he most likely wouldn’t want to fit into mine.”
“You think he’s too posh for you?” the earl asked. I didn’t answer. I was afraid I’d sound like a jerk if I did, because that’s exactly what I thought.
He took a sip of his champagne, watching me the entire time. “Did you know that before we were nobility, we were farmers?”
“Tristan mentioned something about working the farm with Jamie,” I said.
“We all do our share,” the earl said. “You can’t run a farm if you don’t understand it. Jamie is an excellent farmer, which is not a surprise. If you look at the family crest, you’ll see a very fierce looking wild boar in the center.”
“With tusks,” I said. “I noted the shield over the front door when we arrived. It’s quite impressive.”
“It’s a lie,” he said.
I blinked in surprise.
“We were pig farmers, dating back hundreds of years. My ancestor, the first earl, was ashamed of his past and chose a wild boar as the family symbol instead of the domesticated hog, no doubt because he felt it was more manly.” He rolled his eyes and I smiled.
“Is this your way of telling me that my life growing up on a dairy farm isn’t that much different than yours?” I asked.
“You’re just as clever as James said,” he said. Then he turned and looked at his home as if trying to see it through my eyes. “Our family has a few more centuries invested in its land than yours, but otherwise, we’re not so different, Molly.”
It shocked me how desperately I wanted to believe this. A flicker of something that felt like hope sputtered to life inside of me.
“I think the job offer was a ploy to try and keep you here,” the earl said.
“Good ploy.”
“It can’t have been that good,” he said. “Because you didn’t take the job. Jamie loves you, of that I am absolutely certain. The question is, Molly, do you love him in return?”
“I...” I sighed. I wasn’t ready to admit my feelings to myself, never mind anyone else. I clung stubbornly to my hurt even though it was feeling more and more like loose sand. “I was engaged before. The man lied to me for months, and I promised myself I would never get involved with a man who lied to me ever again.”
“And Jamie lied to you about who he was.”
“I see he did tell you everything.”
The earl nodded.
“So, you understand why this can’t work,” I said. “I didn’t even know his real name; everything we shared was based on a lie.”
“And because of that you fear he isn’t trustworthy?”
I shrugged. “I just can’t get past the lying.” The words stuck in my throat, and I coughed. Bri had chipped away enough at my lame excuses to make their foundation teeter.
The earl finished his champagne and put the glass on an empty table. He faced me with a kind expression.
“Molly, my dear, I don’t know how to tell you this, but you’re just as big of a liar as Jamie.”